Moi, Toi, et VoI: February 2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Bound and Gagged.

Inspired by my current read, I'm going to use a Jonathan Safran Foer technique. If you find it annoying, I suggest you stop reading (my blog).

So, as a couple of you already know XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I wish I could talk about it because XXXXXXXXXXXXXX, but XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. And I want to XXXXXXXXXXXXX to XXXXXXXXX. I feel like XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, but I know XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

This blog would be a great outlet for me because XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, but I understand that XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, so XXXXXXXXXXX.

Sigh. I'm so very XXXXXXXXX right now. But XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

Thank god for my friends.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Excellent Timewaster Site

Thanks Wandaharland .

Check out this face recognition site. You upload a picture of yourself and it will tell you what celebrity you look like.

My top hit was someone named Kareena Kapoor (a Bollywood actress I've never heard of), but I also got Ashlee Simpson, Adam Ant and Cate Blanchett.

Uh, okay.

Back to work.

And I Will Wear a Badge to Show My Delight. (Again).

A Caprican fleet badge, that is.

I must discuss Friday night's epsiode of BSG. Wow is all I can say. Wow. Wow. Wow.

(Yes, I'm a bit of a sci fi geek - I admit it, alright? (No flaming please.) But I don't know anything about the ships, I don't speak any of the languages and I certainly don't read/write fan fic.)

(And I've gone to "Cons" - but only high so I could laugh at all the dorks who were there for real.)

Anyway, we learn about Dr. Baltar and Six. How very interesting. What's going on here? Has LOVE crossed consciousnesses between Cylon and human? Does LOVE transcend all? I'm assuming the point here wasn't that Baltar was a Cylon, but that somehow his conscious (conscience?) embedded itself in Six's? Same thing for Sharon except she's not being spooked by Helo. Hmmm.....

And why did Six refer to Sharon's baby as her's and Baltar's?

I guess the more the Cylons interact with humans, the more human, i.e. the more they are troubled by the Cylon lack of conscience, they become. But the real Baltar/in-his-head Six aren't exactly poster children for Humanity. Hmmm...

I'm still chewing on this. But I was completely enthralled.

OK, and just so I don't end on a completely geeky note, how about that Project Runway?

I really hope Daniel V wins. He's been the strongest throughout the competition and he wants it in a genuine way. And he's absolutely adorable. I've never been wowed by Chloe, though most of her designs are strong, but didn't she leave New York because she couldn't handle the fashion scene there?

And don't EVEN get me started on Santino. Just because he constantly goes over the line doesn't mean he ought to be rewarded for it. I mean, the Heidi lingerie line? He pushes buttons because he knows that they won't kick him off for creativity's sake. And he's obviously a character ("Where's Andre?") which leads me to believe that his making the cut time and time again when he never does what's asked of him is actually a production decision rather than the judges'. It's obvious that Nina loathes him and would kick him off if she could.

Santino is Lisa. Or Rob & Ambah. Necessary annoyances.

Enh, I keep watchin'.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Can't Help Myself

I'm on a brief bloggin hiatus until I can get my ducks in a row, but I just had to show y'all something I found on urbanchick. Just click here, take a quick peek and you'll get a chuckle or vomit.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Video Killed the Radio Star.

One of the least favorite things about opening up my shop has been the publicity element to it. It's a necessary evil (see yesterday's post!), however, and sometimes a girl's gotta give some face time to the media so that people will buy her cupcakes and make her rich so she can retire young and write cookbooks from her second home in the South of France.

Anyway, yesterday was the birthday bash!! (if you will) for the place where the Cathartic Cat Cupcake Factory* will be located and yours truly was in charge of making the birthday cake and samples of CCCF's products. Sort of an introduction of CCCF to the peeps. My chance to meet and greet the good people of Philadelphia and convince them to buy my cakes.

It was a bit of a media circus (oh, I am soooo exaggerating, but work with me here). There were cameras, dudes with lights and mikes and those fluffy duster-looking things they like to walk around with.

Dude from the radio (AM that is) wants an interview with me.

Caught off guard, I told the guy the reason why I named my bakery what I named it was because "I have a bit of a monkey fetish".**

I freakin' said "I have a bit of a monkey fetish".

Dude sorta looks at me sideways and says "Can we say that on the air?" Ha ha.

Needless to say, I got a hearty laugh and a collective "No you di'nt!" from friends last night about that.

Then I drank a goodly amount of wine with the strangest group of people: two architects (one of whom's mom used to work in a sapphire mine), a sculptor, a yoga instructor, a lawyer, and a blacksmith.

Oh and the icing on the cake is that my therapist happened to be there yesterday and watched the whole spectacle. She insisted that I was calm and composed and appeared to shmooze comfortably. And that's why I pay her the big bucks.

And on a completely different note: Morrissey was questioned by the FBI about his anti-Iraq sentiments. What is this world coming to?

*ahem...

**you'll only get it if you know about my shop. Otherwise, for the sake of anonymity, sorry, folks.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

It's a Business Decision.

I've got a bit of an ethical dilemma.

This friend has this mediumy-famous blog on which he has graciously added a link to the Hypocritical Hippo Bake Shop* for free. It's been great, really. I get lots and lots of hits from his site - especially when he's linked from Instapundit, Michelle Malkin, or some other wingnut site.

Yes, the blog is a political one and not in a good way (to me). Pretty right wing, pretty pro-Bush (though to his credit, he's not giving King George as much leeway as he used to), yet the freakin' site is pretty damn high on the Google hit list.

The other day I noticed he posted that series of Danish cartoons - and my cute little advert was within pixels of them.

Now, I've got to admit, I've got a bit of a problem myself with the reaction to those cartoons, so Mr. ConservativeMan and I are on the same page, or at least in the same chapter on that subject, but the point is that I've been starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable with the fact that my business appears to sponsor this shite that for the most part I don't agree with.

Am I whoring for publicity? Yet, I still am friends with the guy and it would be pretty uncool to ask him to take me off the site. After all, he is entitled to his opinions and he isn't a hate monger - just a lost authoritarian soul who needs to spend a couple of days outside of his box, if you will.

What's a businesswoman/friend to do?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Dental Damn!

Yesterday I went to a new dentist. Isn't shopping for quality healthcare a bitch? You never know what you're gonna get.

Have you ever gotten the hard sell from your dental technician? No, me neither. The hygienist is poking at my teeth, chichatting away...

"Have you ever had braces before?"
"No, but I had a retainer when I was twelve."

She pauses, takes a deep breath and then proceeds to give me The Shpiel about how some of my teeth aren't quite straight in the front and how I'd be a perfect candidate for Invisalign - no! Invisilign Express!

"Really? Okay."

"It's just so very minor, but it would really be great for you. And it would only take 5 months and you change them every two weeks and Dr. Snakeoil even throws in a free whitening in with it too. At no charge! That's like a $400 savings!"

"Oh, you think I need them?" I say, as I try and cover my front teeth with my lips as I'm speaking to her. Yeah, I've noticed my teeth are a little crooked in the front. I don't have Barbie teeth, but I didn't think I needed braces for chrissake! Braces! At 31!

"See? I've got 'em on right now. Nobody notices them until I point them out."

And sure enough I didn't notice.

"Is that what Tom Cruise had? How much is it?" Oh no. Sucker alert! Sucker alert!

Enter Dr. Snakeoil. We exchange pleasantries and he starts checking out my teeth.

"Do you feel that your front teeth are too small?"

SMALL?! NO, I've never thought of THAT before. But now that you mention it...."yeah, I guess."

"Well, what we could do is this procedure called [scary perio somethingsomething] where we ["we"!] cut off a millimeter or two of your gums so your teeth look bigger. It's really beautiful [sic]."

I put a hand over my mouth. "Wow. Alright. Interesting. I see. Hmmm..."

Hygienist: "I told her all about Invisalign too!"

Dr. Snakeoil: "Oh, yeah, that'd be great too. Run ya somewhere in the $2200 range only because you'd only need the Invisilign Express!"

"Wow. That cheap. Uh huh. Thanks! Interesting!"

Yeah, thanks, dental people for giving me yet another looks-related insecurity. I really appreciate it. Now I must worry about whether or not people are staring at my crooked chihuahuah teeth in addition to the ridiculous and petty ugliness issues I've had running through my noggin lately. Wonderful!

Nothin' like trusting the opinions of your health professionals.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Oh My Where Are My Manners?!

Not until this morning whilst reading Sarah's blog (Hi Sarah!), did I realize that GG had tagged me. I'm so sorry, GG. How could I be so rude? I didn't even see my name on that list! Hugs?

Here goes:

Four Jobs I've Had:
1. Paralegal
2. Legal Recruiter
3. Legal Researcher (notice a pattern here?)
4. Check-out girl at local supermarket (this is not in chronological order...)

Four Movies I Can Watch Repeatedly:
1. Office Space
2. Goodfellas
3. High Fidelity
4. Crimes & Misdemeanors

Four Places I've Lived:
1. Chicago, IL
2. Boston, MA
3. New York, NY
4. Washington, DC

Four TV Shows I Love:
1a. THE NEW BATTLESTAR GALACTICA*
1. The Office
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Never heard of it? Check FX)
3. The Amazing Race
4. Project Runway
ooh - and 5. America's Next Top Model

Four Places I've Vacationed:
1. Amsterdam
2. Shanghai
3. Lithuania
4. Vermont (ahhhh...the best state in the union!)

Four of My Favorite Dishes:
1. Cheese
2. Bread
4. Grilled Cheese
5. Fat Free Pringles

Four Sites I Visit Daily:
1. Statcounter.com
2. The blogs I read
3. Ummm...I don't think I go to any others on a daily basis

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
1. On a long haul plane going over any ocean.
2. Catching up on all of the America's Next Top Models I've missed.
3. Sometimes I wished I worked in a cube farm (okay, maybe an office with a window).
4. Vermont.

Four Bloggers I Am (Not) Tagging
I'm not tagging anyone because I've been so lame that everyone I would have tagged has already been tagged. (Notice how friggin' lame I am that I even recycled some of GG's answers.)

*Added 2/21

The Best Part of Wakin' Up

It's 4:56 am, and I'm here, blathering away to you, dear readers, because I'm wide awake even though I really ought to be snoozing restfully like the rest of the East Coast right now.

The only reason why I continue to lie in bed right now instead of going downstairs, taking a nip, turning on the boob and zoning to The 50 Most Awesomest Worst Best Hairband Songs of All Time or becoming completely hypnotized by some coked-up woman on QVC selling the Only Make-up Kit I Will Ever Need is because it's positively freezing and I don't want to have to get out from under my nice cozy down comforter and the snoozing cats draped over my feet.

OK, fine. It's also because I'm afraid I'll run into a ghost. So certain am I that I am psychically in tune with my sixth sense that if there's a presence, I will feel it and I will be totally freaked. My hair will turn white and my face will freeze in a paralytic horror and I'll wind up in some State Facility in a permanently catatonic state rocking back and forth in the corner of some room with only a cot and a 6 x 6 inch window saying "I'll never te-ell-ell" over and over again.

What if I run into someone I know? What if they need me to help them Into The Light? I couldn't possibly do that in my ancient Morrissey shirt and paint-splattered sweats, no contacts on, my hair a complete mess. I would think I would at least need to brush my hair.

Now I've never actually seen a ghost, but I've had some strange experiences that one might call "run-ins" with people who've passed. Ask me about it another time. Now, I'm really starting to freak out, which may force me to throw on David Schwartz's* Michigan sweatshirt that serves as an invisibility cloak to spirits (a la the Hobbit cloak - or was it Harry Potter?**), run down the stairs as fast as humanly possible, grab something scotch-y, sprint into the den throwing myself under the covers and turning on the teevee right quick. Because turning on the teevee serves as a protective forcefield against all the bogeymen, hobgoblins and tortured spirits that are trying to communicate with me.

Maybe I should have my own show.

Wish me god speed and good luck. Off I go.

*David Schwartz is a mythical beast from many moons past who Daximus claimed to know. Somehow his sweatshirt has been in our possession for over a decade.

**I'm too freaked out right now to switch tabs and double check the accuracy of this information.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Every Little Counts

I've been feeling a bit down today and this morning I received a very kind, sweet email from a friend in Scotland. Granted it was just a little "hi, lady!" but I was so happy to get it and it brought me from the greys back into the bright white light again. Isn't that funny how those teeny little things can completely change your day and turn your mood around? Funny thing is said friend and I have never actually met, but she's sort of my editor on a webzine project and damn, if it wasn't just that little speck of cheer to get her totally hilarious email about doing lines of cocoa powder with rock stars that I needed to bring me back to reality. She made me laugh. Out loud.

Almost made me weepy in a way. She's working on my portion of the webzine and god dammit, it was just nice to hear that someone so far away with thinking about lil' ole' me. You've made my day, L! Love ya!

Granted, part of my chipper mood may have something to do with the gin soaked lunch I had with Guinness Girl today at the Society Hill Hotel. (Good God girl, how CAN you go back to the cube farm (thanks, RED!) after that, I beg you?) But alas, I got my email prior to lunch, but it sure didn't NOT help! Ha! How can I possibly interview counterhelp in a 4-g&t state, GG? I might have to blame you if this person turns out to be a shitekopf. You wanna work my counter on Saturdays? I promise to reward you with plenty of Glenlivet sans Hawaiian Punch, of course.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I've Gone Crazy, But in a Harmless Happy Way

so don't call Creedmore after you read this please.

Yesterday I got a lot accomplished: finally got my building permit, submitted what will (hopefully) be my last revisions to the Food Protection plan review board, hired a couple of decent smart people to work at the Blue Baboon Icing & Frosting Shoppe*, and sent off a couple of checks that were nagging me.

I came home, did the minimal amount of baking that I could force myself to do and then I took a much needed break for oh, 45 minutes or so. What did you do, Oy Vey, you ask. Take a nap? Watch Oprah? Knit?

Actually I was so bursting with positive chi that I turned on my ipod stereo and blasted my favorite favorite songs on the planet and danced around the kitchen singing into a scotch bottle (I like the weight of the thing...). It was a blast! I haven't done anything like that in a while since I've sort of been off of music lately for some reason. But alas, the love came streaming back. I. Was. On. Endorphins surged! Serotonin slid through my veins. It was awesome. Someone should make some sort of DVD dancing karaoke thing for exercise purposes. I may be on to something there!

I must remember to do that more often.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

If You See Him Tell Him I Don't Want the $2 Back.

Anybody out there like Sandie Shaw?

Well, if you do, you must go out and immediately buy the re-released Reviewing the Situation. Originally recorded in 1969, the album didn't mesh with Sandie's Puppet on a String/Monsieur Dupont shtick and thus was a big time flopola way back when (well before yours truly was but a speck in the Universe's eye....). It gathered dust until some popgeek recently rediscovered this totally awesome album of covers of some of the stuff SS was actually listening to at the time....

Sandie does same great stuff: Reviewing the Situation, Love Me Do and Sympathy for the Devil are my favorites. It's got some Hair-esque qualities to it, so if that was one of your faves as a kid (as it was for me and Daximus I know), you'll dig the total grooviness, baby. And it comes with Frank Mills as a bonus track! Bonus is right!

Thanks popjunkie via Glasgow.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Gods Have Smiled On Me.

Well it seems that I'm getting some good payback karma for all of those miserable days spent at City Hall and the past 16 hours I spent learning how not to poison people in the ServeSafe Food Protection Certification course I've been forced to attend.

No, I'm still waiting to get approvals and passing tests results and such. I'm not out of the woods yet.

But it's all good because I just got my personal invite from the Belles to be on the guest list at the Philly show. Eeeek! (Did I say that? "Eeeek"? Yes, I have no composure, no shame, I admit it.) And they will eat more of my brownies. And they will love me. And ask me to be their personal pastry chef-en-tour. And Life Will Be Good.

Cocktail factoid: "Eeek" is an Old English term expressing surprise. Interesting, no?

Anyway, I am wicked psyched if ya couldn't already tell. [EEEEK!]

Okay, I'm very scattered today. Still got a shiteload of baking to do, resumes to sort through, and more city agencies to bow to. Off I go.

More later once I've gathered my thoughts and have something a wee bit more interesting to say....

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I Got Sick From City Hall

Well, the Municipal "Services" Building - in the bowels of the building in Ye Quest for Ye Building and Zoning Permits to start construction on the Cantankerous Canary Quiche Shoppe*. I have the sniffles, dammit. And I'm sure it's from that bacteria frappe pit.

Good god in heaven, whoever set up L & I (that's Licenses and Inspections for those of you who are lucky enough not to know) is either a complete moron or an evil genius. This place was worse than any Soviet bureaucracy anyone could ever imagine. You had to take a number in Line X in order to get a number for Line Y. Heaven help you if you got your Line Y ticket first. You're screwed, man. Go home, forget it. Start fresh tomorrow.

So I spent the better part of two days in this hellhole sitting. standing. sighing. reading. sighing. fuming and sitting. And to make matters worse, a) there was NO Food or Drink Allowed in the building and b) if they called your number and you weren't there (i.e. taking a bathroom break after crossing your legs for three hours), you are sent back to the bottom of the stack.

In my pathetic attempt to Stick It To The Man, I pulled out a bag of pretzels and stood directly under the NO Food or Drink Allowed sign and chomped away on the little buggers.

So there.

Can I *please* get a "You GO, Girl!" Please?

In any event, my time in the Temple of Doom had a surprise ending. I was walking out of the building and Daximus rings and says "There's probably no chance in hell you're anywhere near [The Location That The CCQS Will Ultimately Be], but I'm there and was about to have lunch..."

Yay! That chance in hell was right on the money. I was over there in five minutes and we had a most lovely midday detox! It made it all worth while! Hurrah!

AND this morning a friend offered me a pre-release of the February 24 Battlestar Galactica that his roommate, who works in the teevee biz, offered him. Can you believe he didn't want it? For shame!

So Say We All.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Testing Testing 1 2 3...

We finally got our grown up furniture this weekend! Hurrah!

The only problem was that before the deliveryman was even out the door, the kitties started scratching on our beautiful brand new "Dooley Sage" couch. The immediate prescription was Soft Paws - the best invention since Fat Free Pringles. This is Sophie modeling her fresh new mani. The other two are next but will require a little more man power....

Am I alive? Awake?

Today was the first of 2 day long days of the ServeSafe Food Sanitation course that I must take in order to run The Bejeweled Goose Cupcake Factory*. I swear I slept with my eyes open. But then every once in a while the instructor would tell A Story. Generally an awful story about 85 people getting terribly ill after eating the scallions at ChiChi's (And no, there are no more ChiChi's to speak of these days) or the tomatoes at Longhorne. You don't want to know. REALLY.

And I was sorely disappointed by the box of Swedish Fish I bought to get me over that 3:30 hump: It was all red fish save for two yellow fish and no green or orange fish. WTF? The green are the absolute best. I mean, I know that the red ones have the majority vote, but only 2 yellows and no representatives of the lime and orange parties? This might deserve a letter to the Swedish Fish Quality Control Board.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Homeland Security's Manimal Breeding Program

STRAIGHT FROM THE HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRID'S MOUTH. SEE FOR YOURSELF! THEY'VE ALREADY BEGUN!
(Cougar's got a watch on, dude!)

Tidbits

So, I got word from several different people that the Pico de Gettouttahere! incident was actually fueled by rumor. A few people were picked up and paranoia spread and while nobody showed up for work for a few days, nobody can pin it on The Man. Oh well. Makes for a good story.

I spent half of the day at City Hall today. What absolute fun! The Delirious Egret Baking Co.* has gotten approval from one of the three city bureaus it must get approval from to commence construction. Cheers!

We had Thai with GG and Wilman last night up in Manayunk. While GG claims embarrassment at drinking too much, I can't say I did much better. Puh-leeze! Good pinot! Don't even remember what the white was...

I am freaking exhausted. Got no sleep last night. Ambien, Xanax, melatonin, calmes forte, and Sleepy Sleep tea are not doing the trick. Maybe if I took all of them at the same time, but that's not something I plan on trying in the near future - exhausted beyond exhausted or not. I think the only thing that actually might knock me out is a punch in the face. I swear. I wouldn't mind. I just want a one night's uninterrupted sleep. Oy.

Oh, yeah. I got a Friendster birthday reminder for Kim Jong Il. February 16. Send an e-card!

Tonight we've got a little BSG + Go Mental with Daximus and T.T.Boy...lookin' forward to a little chillin'...

*Still waiting for a better nom de plume, people!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Pico de Gettouttahere!

Larry at the Reagle Beagle* was just telling me how INS has conducted a mega-raid on Center City restaurants. In the past two days, they've picked up over 300 illegal Mexicans. Obviously, no one's showing up for work now and places are shut down because they've been busted or they don't have any help. He said that the Italian Market is a ghost town.

I drove past 9th & Christian, and indeed. Cop cars had blocked off the street in front of Butcher's Cafe and dudes with trenchcoats and K cars were looking very stern and talking into their lapels.

Good god, you'd think these people would have better things to do (i.e. Wage the War on Terrr [sic] )? But, as it always is in the Great City of Philadelphia, someone's on the payola list, no doubt. Stupid f*cks. Killing the economy and wasting time and ruining lives. Again.

And on another sour note, though I REFUSE to discuss The SOTU at length, I would just like to say I am I quite relieved that POTUS is resolutely against human-animal hybridization. Thank the good lord for rational thought.

*This is a pseudonym, but an apt one.

Moi, Toi, et VoI