W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> Moi, Toi, et VoI: October 2005

Monday, October 31, 2005

Still here...

Nothing new to report (again).

I'm sitting here at SeaTac drinking cosmos and eating nachos waiting for my redeye back to The Land of the Cheesesteak...blecgh. I even paid for the luxury of wifi so I wouldn't get too hammered and blechgh on the plane. That would definitely be bad. Starting to feel a bit sick, but at least I'll sleep on the plane. And I got an exit row!

I'm loaded down with 3 pounds of precious Seattle coffee, a bottle of Columbia Valley merlot, some firevalley honey and some 72-hour-old-flour cookies from the sweet linecook's mom and dad back in Sequim. They are so fuckin' nice there. Makes me feel like a real bitch.

I've started reading the new Franken book. Funny bastard, he is, but damn, if it still ain't depressing whenever I turn on the goddamn news...

I'm glad to be getting back to the east coast, but I'm sure going to miss this....and my frigging Cool Uncle in Bellingham never got back to me. He's probably picking huckleberries in the deep woods or something...

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Still in Sequim....

Yup, still here. Until tomorrow morn, when I will head back to the Land of the Living. Several people here have mentioned that this is the second largest retirement capital in the country. The early bird specials here are quite popular.

I really don't have anything new to report here, but according to the Good Blogging Rules, one is supposed to post every day. So here I am.

I've switched coffeeshops - now I'm at The Buzz. I like it; it's more East Village-y, less like Seattle's Best (haven't seen one of those yet) like Hurricane Coffee. I will probably head over to the QFC (Quality Food Corporation?), pick up a bottle of wine and some bread and cheese like last night and watch the remainder of the Haunted! live marathon on the teevee. And maybe start the new Franken book. I'm pretty beat though, so I'll probably end up vegging.

Stick a fork in me. I am done.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Greetings From Sequim

Sqwhere? Washington. The state, not Indictmentville. Here for biz, but will try and hook up with The Cool Uncle in Bellingham (a real uncle, not an indie band...). We will see. Brought a nice mix of Math & Physics (hey, it's a hometown thing, and besides, James sent me a reciprocal complimentary email...), The New Pornos (enh, it's way too easy to hit the 'next' button, but not bad stuff), and The Magnetic Fields. Yes, Popscholar, I broke down. I was just so damn curious...damn fine band, really. Hard to pin down, they are.

Yet even though I'm 1000s of miles away from Philly, I'm still able to torture Sweeney. I just can't help myself sometimes.

Now I will get back to my 'Typhoon' - a chocolate raspberry mocha thingy. Bloggin' here from the unfortunately named Hurricane Coffee (named after the Ridge, not the disaster. So I've been told).

Oh, and I'm sporting around in a PT Cruiser! Had to try. Needed a car with a cd player for the 2 hour drive here. I'm not fond of this car. I feel like I should be shuttling around disabled people. Not that that's a bad thing. It's just a thing. No flaming, please!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Caption Contest

Be clever and witty. Give it your best shot. I'll send you a brownie.

I Broke Down

and bought number 3.

But it's to celebrate good things! Really excellent things...one of which is this. Cheers, matey! Arggghhhh! (that's a good pirate-y Arggghhhh!)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Autumn is Officially Here

in Sunny Philadelphia. I realized it as I drove through Society Hill (pronounced as if you're wearing one of those Better Off Dead neckbraces and have lock jaw...) and passed a lovely hansom ferrying a family of uglyamericans around The Top Philly Tourist Sites. The leaves have begun to fall, the roots of the Aspens have tangled...oops, off subject.

Anyway, in preparation for the holidays, I've come up with my Kawanakkamas list:

1. this.
2. these.
3. and this.
4. and this (unless I break down and buy it first).

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Happy 100th Post!

Can't think of a better way to celebrate.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Ribbon Redux

Let's Find a Cure for the Magnetic Ribbon Charade. This is a must-have for any commiepinkoamericahater.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

World News Service

As a kid I always thought of Pravda as the maverick of democratic press, a bastion of First Amendmentism in the rye bread and borscht oppressed Soviet Bloc. It was the legitimate journalistic lighthouse sweeping the cold dark Kaspian Sea. It seems to have taken a page from the Weekly World News. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, mind you, just an observation.

Oh, and if you think your life sucks, count your blessings with your ten fingers.

This is also interesting - from the Daily Record: Fruit Explosion Rocks House. Just another thing to worry about. Who knew?

Saturday, October 22, 2005


Last night, after a delightful dinner at Mercato with Popscholar and Daximus, I had a Geno's cheesesteak. A whole one. In about 3 minutes. It was an ugly scene. But damn, was it good. Waaay better than Jim's, upon which I had always based my disgust for cheesesteaks.

That was a serious tumble off the vegetarian truck. Oops! I am so back on the horse now (no pun intended...!). Please, I beg that no one ask me if I ever want a bite of one of those again. And especially don't ask me if I'm sure?.

Friday, October 21, 2005

You The (Wo)Man, PC.

Please join me in wishing congratulations to PeopleCat, who just got a cushy, cozy government (Federal!) job. Yay! Hurrah! Woo! woo! woo! woo....

You've joined the ranks of The Man!!!!! Good luck and Godspeed, sister.

I hope you pass the drug test. And may your next employee cost-of-living-pay-increase be righteous and good.

Let's also celebrate the completion of our major blog renovations! (is it ever really complete?)

Killer Site

For those of you pimped out Mac-style, check this site out.


I have nothing more.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Not Sure Which I Find Weirder/More Weird (?).

Mental Health Update et al.

Feeling considerably better today. Maybe it was the M&PC. In the words of our favorite islander John Locke ,"I'm in control of my destiny!" At least that sounds like something he'd say. I refuse to let The Man get me down. Hell, I've never been a rules-girl anyway. Frack that!

Does anyone else feel that Curb Your Enthusiasm has jumped the shark? It's completely absurd now. I always felt Larry was funniest when he was in situations you could identify with. Maybe it's just me. Extras, however, is a helluva lot funnier. Even if you can only interpret 36% of what they're saying. I almost tried watching it on HBO Espanol, but I don't speak Spanish.

We watched Layer Cake the other night. Pretty good flick overall - stylish indeed. Same problem as Extras but worse, in my opinion. The only words that I could understand were pretty much "fookin' fook fook" and "bloody 'ell!" in that Cockney?/Mancusian?/Liverpudlian (I've always wanted to use that word in a sentence! )? accent. I put my vote in for Mr. Craig as the next James Bond. He's got IT. NICE.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


Crap day. Just had to share.

Tomorrow I plan on bringing my Macallan 12 year in a paper bag and a pack of Camels to Rittenhouse Square to drown my sorrows in vice. I'll be on the parkbench on the southwest corner. Or maybe at the bar. With my head on the bar.

It might just be the perfect day for a little Math and Physics Club. All 42 minutes of it.

Sorry I didn't call you back, PeopleCat. All I heard in your message was "new suit" and I think "heels"? I was actually busy making 150 cupcakes today. We'll talk tomorrow.

Addendum: I should note, for purposes of pure self-satisfaction and a little bit o' street cred, my crap day involved a brush with the law...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hold the Phone: It's Little Purple Pill Day!

Semi-unrelated but totally cool sidenote: Fanfuckintabulous poll numbers. All Aboard The Impeachment Express!!!!! Woo hoo!!

It's Gourmet Day.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I have a stalker!

Cool, right?

Last week some guy came into one of my cafes and told the girl at the counter that he was my husband and then proceeded to buy out their supply of my marshmallows. WTF?!

I guess this goes with the territory when a) your picture and bio are on your website and b) you're so adorably irresistable. Sigh!

I don't even want to begin to think of what he might do with those marshmallows....

OK, it freaks me out a little. If I don't post for a few days, call the popo.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I'm Becoming Crotchety.

I'm returning cLOUDDEAD to the zygote who works with me half-unlistened-to. It sucks. Let me rephrase: It ain't my cup of tea. Even if it was 123 degrees. In the desert. And I hadn't seen a drop of tea in days. He promised me that I would dislike it less than he disliked The Pernice Brothers (which I didn't think he'd like anyway, he just 'ran into it' on someone's hard drive...). But alas, that just cannot be the case. Blegch. Call me a fogey. Go right ahead. I'm set in my ways!

Like 97.8% of the rest of the American high school population, I went through my classic rock phase. Yawn. During college I experimented with blues (kinda cool) and jazz (music that just sorta skitters all over the place makes me pOSiTivElY lOoPy!). Since then, I've been through a trance phase (the more melodic Oakie-type stuff - good to paint the house to. Or do long distance car drives.), a very brief ska period, and a Claude Challe/Buddha Bar/Supperclub phase (not bad overall, but I'm just not cool enough to pull it off....).

I am either too old or too white. Probably both.

I think I'm in the mood for some Tali White pablum (slaver slaver!).

Update: Zygote was impressed that I actually got as far as I did on the cd. And when I told him that it reminded me of John Cage doin' hiphop, I got some street cred.

"John Cage? He is fuckin' awwwwesome, dude!"

Kids these days!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

This Was Going To Make Me Rich!

This morning I saw one of those annoying ubiquitous car ribbon magnets in green. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it said "Magnetic Ribbon Awareness". Damn! That was my idea! My grand money making scheme!!! Argggh!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I Will Wear a Badge to Show My Delight.

I went back to the post office this morning. Did the right thing and blasted CO while I cruised home. That should work for penance.

My friend who owns a tea shop in NYC sent me a goodie package in which she included a tin of hot chocolate she labeled "Effing Torres!" That snooty prick has started doing $1000 delivery minimums. So she hates him now and is looking for some less pretentious cocoa to sell. I've met that guy a few times - 'unctious' is probably the best word to describe him. He's excellent ammunition for the Francophobes. Frackin' bastard.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Eastern Bloc Party

I have become famous in Latvia.

I was checking the stats on my biz site and for some reason I've gotten over 60 hits from Latvia in the past week. Wtf? They have taken a liking to some of the pix apparently. Lithuania I can understand, but Latvia? Bizarre.

I'm embarrassed to say that I pulled an Office Space today. I was driving from the post office (Yes, thank you. I know it's closed today.) and when I stopped at the light on 30th & Grays Ferry, I rolled up my window like a pansy because I was listening to Camera Obscura.

(Nice website revamp, by the way).

Do you wash YOUR hair in honeydew?

Friday, October 07, 2005

Miracle Diet.

I just stepped on the scale for the first time since moving to Philly and - lo and behold! - I lost 12 lbs! Wow! And it wasn't hard. I didn't even try, which is the nicest thing. Basically my diet these past few months has subsisted of 1) fries (sweet potato and regular) 2) Hoegaarden and 3) cake batter.

Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is 'Shit. Maybe I have [the c-word] ???' Like Charlie on Party of Five. Fuck. Now what is really strange is that I have been drinking and driving a lot more since coming here. And I admit, I've been smoking too - Ms. Mossy style. I'm sure that cokewench smokes up a storm. I think I've seen stolen moment pix of this.

It must be the cake batter. I know most people don't have such easy access to this miracle nutrient as I do, but I think that that is the ticket. Chocolate mayo cake batter is my top choice (and I loathe mayo), with pound cake a close second. Give it a try.

When you move to Philly, you're supposed to get fatter. After all, it is right after all of those Texas cities as far as the Top Fattest American Cities go.

Very strange indeed. I've also been into diet ginger ale and Macallan 12 year sans the sour mix lately. Maybe that's it. That sour mix will getya every time. All of those carbs....

Tonight is Margarita Night with the Ladies. Chips and guac are sure to follow! Cha cha cha! I hope I will still be able to fit into my new $100 H&M wardrobe after this!

Thursday, October 06, 2005


I'm not sure if I like it.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Fairytale of New York

Back from The City I am. Here are the cliffnotes:

1. Bojack and I were walking down Greenwich Ave near Two Boots. Bojack spotted a shortish wavy haired dude with mirror wrap-arounds walking across 1oth.

"Hey, that guy looks like Adam, that guy opening The Sidecar."
"Doof! That's Michael Imperioli!"

You know The Sopranos has been off the air for too long when someone would confuse Christahphah, World's Most Famous Dogsitter, for your neighbor who's opening a bar down the street. And for the record, they look nothing like each other.

2. Uncle who is in real-life "CTU" gave me the pin pictured above - supposed to be a morale booster for the agents. It says "We Got Him! 13 December 2003". I thought about wearing it on my handbag next to my anti-Santorum pin but thought the irony would go over people's heads.

3. Saw another scary bumper sticker on the Turnpike: "If Mary had an Abortion there would be no Christmas!" Also on this vee-hicle was a HUGE Sacred Heart. I'm talking LP sleeve sized. Short catechism lesson for non-Catholics: The Sacred Heart is about the most frightening image a small Catholic child will ever see. It is a picture of Jesus - usually looking rather forlorn and depressed like he just lost his puppy - with a heart sticking out of his robe. And when I say 'heart' I'm not talking about the 'I [heart] NYC' type. I mean a human heart, with ventricles and arteries. And the heart is surrounded by a crown of thorns (looks like barbed wire) and is generally ensconced in a halo. Any seven year old Catholic school brat is all too familiar with this terrifying neuro-circuitry altering picture. Somehow it's supposed to be comforting, but I just don't friggin get it. Never have, never will. Go google it for yourselves. I don't even want to look at it.

4. How 'bout a rousing rendition of Auld Lang Syne: Happy 5766!

Monday, October 03, 2005


Got back from the Narrows show tonight.

Surrounded by scores of fellow popgeeks, Oy Vey was definitely in her element...oh yes. Witty t-shirts and expensive glasses was the clear uniform of choice and accesorizing was obviously extremely important. I spotted a woman carrying a funky clear plastic MoMAQNS bag with the latest issues of Harper's and The Paris Review in it - I kid you not. If I'd known there was going to be a contest for Most Obnoxious Liberal Hipster, I would have sported my NPR tote and dogeared October Utne Reader. Oh well!

And there were plenty of cool handbags and hats around. It was definitely inspiring wardrobe-wise. Anyway...

We got there in time for The Polyphonic Spree. Fun, catchy, entertaining to be sure. Loved the empire waisted Lady Gwendolyn sleeved dresses the girls wore; gotta score me one of those. Very flattering on all figures. They really got into it which was cool, I suppose even if it was a little Jesus-y for my taste. After a while the Koresh-indie-Godspell shtick got a little grating, but nonetheless a fun show. And clearly, they were enjoying it.

After TPS, the crowd get crowdier. People were hyped. B&S was going to play! People were talking up a storm: "they haven't played here since '03!" "I hope they play something from Waitress!" "I'm soooo psyched!" And we were.

What happened, guys????

Now, everyone who knows me knows that I don't usually harsh on my pop peeps. I adore B&S, and it really takes a lot for me to even remotely criticize them (and that's coming from me! The Queen of the Kvetch!). But it just didn't work. Something was off.

From the get-go, Mick's fracking mike didn't work, which was a big fuck-up considering the fact that the guy's trumpeteering is an integral part of the whole B&S thing, IMO. It didn't get fixed until the very end, which was too bad because - and I'm just surmising here- that they may have had to change their set because of the shitty sound? I don't know. The Wrong Girl wasn't right.

Uh oh
, I thought. The crowd just was sort of standing there. It was actually kind of eerie and a little weird.

It just wasn't happening. There was no Zen Thing going between band and crowd. Honestly, guys, you didn't seem all that into it? A woman standing next to me even said she'd be having more fun at home listening to the cds! Now, I won't go that far. After all, I got to sing with the gang - and it wasn't in my kitchen! I was thrilled y'all were there.

I REALLY hate to say this, but I was a teeny weeny disappointed. The set started off on the wrong girl/foot/whatever, and it sort of sagged until midway through; I thought the Happy Birthday Beans thing was cute, but I don't think many people got The Warriors reference. Ending with the up-tempo Judy was really great. But I found myself holding my breath until that trumpet solo came through crystal clear like it should. That was the best number by far. It was just too bad it came at the tail end.

After the show, I heard some hissing and booing. Hissing and Booing, can you believe it?! The bastards! Yikes! Even Bojack admitted to being a little disappointed - to the point where he was actually bop-bop-bopping to Gin Soaked Boy in the car on the way home! Eeek!

So, I'm going to chalk this experience up to two things: bad sound crew and jetlag. Low blood sugar, maybe? I'm a little bummed, but I did like the new tunes. Looking forward to getting a good listen again sometime.

I'm not a big fan of the Emoticon, but if I were to use one right now at this very moment, it would somewhere between :( and :/.

:) :P

Saturday, October 01, 2005

America! Fuck Yeah!! (Redux)

This is from craigslist. I didn't write it, but it could have been my doppleganger.

To the bored policemen protecting us all from the evil terrorists that hang out at Dupont Circle:

Why did you have to pick on the one legitimately cool guy on the circle—the piper, whose only desire is to play his pipes, enlighten and inspire mankind with uplifting Highland jigs, and perhaps turn a few bucks to help pay for his music lessons. Why?

Almost instinctively, you reverted to the kind of ignominious treatment that has become the norm in the District ever since the current Republican occupation. Fighting the urge to manhandle what was obviously a dangerous weapon, you forced the young piper to dismantle his pipes, and beamed your oh-so-nifty/REI-knockoff/check-me-out flashlight into each of his pipes, just to make sure that there were no secret bullet chambers, or poisonous darts, or maybe even little tiny shoes drilled with little holes and filled with apocalyptic-wreaking explosives. You then pushed him around like he was the kid with the knobby knees in the playground, and you the badass bully.

Of course, that suspicious bag under his arm was surely laden with plastic explosives, and plaid is the known emblem of Islamic fundamentalists, and he was faking that whole highly complex tune until you passed him by and he could lob the whole secret bomb right into the fountain and blow up all the hippies and bring down the FREAKING UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

Now, I’m sure that you were just being especially alert. I’m sure that in the morning, you read that Special Report about the noticeable rise of disgruntled, well-educated, middle-class Pakistani youth who attend Highland Games and Scottish Music Festivals, and that more and more South Asian/North African Muslims with German/British/French/American citizenship have been taking a severe interest in learning to play the bagpipes and so you’d been on the lookout for hours.

And that dear Bagpipe player DID have dark-ish brown hair, and maybe that 5 o’clock shadow could have been mistaken for the early beard growth of some Chechen guerrilla warrior, and was that a Dewey-Beach weekend tan, or was he REALLY BROWN!??? ...

BUT COME ON! I know that August is a long hot month, that nothing fun is happening in Washington, and that its hard to saunter around in body armour and chaffing polyester pants all afternoon--but get a hobby already. Don't pick on the piper.

What’s happening to my country? Mr. Policeman, you once helped old ladies cross the street, drove by every half hour to dissuade pickpockets, and handcuffed bad men before taking them away to the Halls of Justice. Now you’re frisking pipers outside of Donut Shops. You want something to do, let me tip you off: The crack dealers have been getting uppity on O Street and are doing more to ruin our “culture of life” than Mr. McPiper could ever consciously consider. Be a Good Cop and go sort it out.

Yours ever so sincerely,

The wee man in Washington whose ever so hardcore Scottish ancestors worked, struggled, and bled in awful British factories for years to save up passage to come to America and live in a land that was free from ridiculous shows of fear and oppression.

this is in or around Krispy Kreme
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests