Sad Songs Say So Much.
After this Food Network thing happens, I'm going to try and sell.
No no, nothing traumatic has happened. It's been eating at me for a while now. I am burnt out. Burnt to my core. Crisped.
I'm a bit depressed, I think. SFG says you can't tell on the outside (though you might notice little leaks of it if you are paying attention), but apparently I don't act on the outside how I feel on the inside, which includes but is not limited to supreme exhaustion, heart palpitations, insomnia with or without Ambien, constant anxiety, and of late, some lady-related issues I won't get into.
Running a business is a 24/7 job. And believe me, I do not get paid for 24 hours a day. Out of pocket 'benefits' are sucking me dry. Yes, I do get certain day-to-day freedoms, but in the grand scheme, I am more tied to this business than any of you who can quit tomorrow. And I am jealous.
Being the boss means boundaries. And I have gotten quite good at creating boundaries with staff after getting burned by being too close when I first opened up. But now I am lonely. I am Boss Lady. I've worked so hard to create a really good work environment for my employees (which I'm proud of because it is one of the harder aspects of my job) but I can't take advantage of it in the same way as them. It's no joke: it's lonely at the top. Most of you have peers at work and they can become your friends, good friends if you're really lucky, but that's not possible in the same way for me as it is for you.
Waah. Bartender, hit me!
I figure after Food Network airs would be the best time to put this shit on the market- sell the whole shebang- logo, recipes, shtick...after all, I think the real value in this business is the Canary that I have built, not the spaces (though both are really good in their own right).
Then I can get a real job and have anxiety about it at a normal level, not a cardiac one. And on Saturdays and Sundays I can play at the end of the rainbows and feed the lavender unicorns clovers and elven tea. It will be beyond lovely.