W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> Moi, Toi, et VoI: April 2009

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Cycle of Life.

I apologize for my slightly psychotic, slightly drunk rambling the other night. I take back the delivery but not the general message. Sigh. I will never satisfy myself. That sounds dirty. Oh well, you know what I mean. Enough wallowing! I took the staff to Lolita last night for margaritas and tasty Mexi-fusion and all had a good time. And that's good enough for me.

Tomorrow is a busy night so you may not hear from me. Before wine school (Advanced Bordeaux class #2!), Mme. Mimolette invited me to an 'industry party', which sounds heinous and normally I wouldn't attend, but there will be people there who have connections to jobs in exactly the right places, so I must wear lipstick and a pencil skirt and turn on the chatty charm. Which doesn't sound too bad. Everyone there will no know everyone else there by name at the very least, unless they have already fucked or done coke together. Very classy, we foodie types. Indeed.

I am sad to report that my adorable little blue square Nano is no longer with the living. After calling Apple, who assured me that, while the stupid thing is no longer under warranty (bastards!), it sounded like nothing more than a battery replacement issue. So I sent it to ipodjuice.com to have the battery replaced. They sent me a DOA notice today, telling me the logic board is totally fried and it'll cost at least $139.99 to fix it. RIP, little man! I declined and told them to send the body back to me for a proper burial. So I went to Macy's and bought a new GREEN nano from that electronics vending machine they have there in the men's department. I can't live sanely without my tunes. Things are looking up, except for my bank account, but who cares? This little guy shuffles songs when you shake it!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Canaries Like Tequila.

Ok, first things first. Ernie is back on the doxy and is almost back to his former playful self. Those antibiotics take away the pain and stiffness every. single. time. He goes to his specialist next Monday. Wish us luck!

Second on the list...

...tomorrow is The Canary's THIRD BIRTHDAY. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. Oh they grow up so fast. I'm taking my peeps (and Turkey Boy, he is our mascot after all) to Lolita for dinner and fresh squeezed margaritas (it's BYOT. Nice!). It will be a nice dinner - especially because no one despises anyone else at the table, thank the good lord.

Oy, do I have senioritis. I've been looking for jobs (no production! I will not do production - at least not for someone else), but not much luck so far. I'm still doing everything I need to do, but my heart is slowly backing out, sneaking slowly backward, quietly, sneakily out the kitchen door...so if, uh, anyone knows of a food related though non-production job in Philly, shoot me the deets, please. Please.

So anyway, woot woot Happy Birthday. I swear to you, I am totally incapable of celebrating accomplishments. Woot woot. Third birthday. All those things I feel I've failed at just keep popping up in my neurotic brain. It should be better by now! Things should be effing awesome by now. SFG has basically told me I am crazy, and I do feel crazy but not in the way he thinks I think I ought to feel. You know what I mean.

That is all!

Friday, April 24, 2009


I am sad to report that our dear Ernie a/k/a Ernbot a/k/a Charlie Moonbeam a/k/a Little Dude is sick again. Poor little guy is really stiff and limpy and lethargic. Again. This time his front leg seems to be giving him the most trouble and he just flops over when we set him on the couch. We made a vet appointment for him for Monday, but SFG was so concerned about him this morning, they saw him today.

Another round of doxycycline. And the vet insisted we take him to see the specialist internal medicine vet guy up in Langhorne asap. The regular vets just don't have a clue as to what is wrong with the Little Dude. It might be the effects of a long-ago left-untreated Lyme situation, or it could be autoimmune (He could have lupus! I'm not even joking - lupus!), or something kidney-related.

Poor little guy!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Old Country Buffet.

The Job. The No Job Yet. SFG has "happily taken over the daily operations of the bakery" per my cover letter, and I am in the desperate search for a good job. It's got to be something during which I won't get absolutely filthy, and it's got to be something that is in charge of other people...so, I'm thinking restaurant management....we will see. Obviously, it's a completely crap time to go looking for a job, but whatever. Honestly, I've already kind of checked out. SFG is being trained in all aspects of the biz, so I can go and do something else in peace. Ahhhh...! That sounds so nice I can't even tell you...ahhhh....

My nano (3rd gen) has a fever. Meaning it is hot to the touch when it is attempting to charge via the usb port on this l'il iBook. No charge at all. Any thoughts? For the record, may I say I will be more than slightly livid if this effer is broken and barely a year old? Poor sick little guy.

Pernice Brothers sold a song for a Sherwin-Williams ad. Weird, because they're a paint company and the song is called "The Weakest Shade of Blue". Kind of like when McCain used that Mellencamp song about how America sucks. Ha.

OK! Best part of the post! The dress, aka My Dress aka The Actual Dress I Had Made...right here, right now...It's not in my sweaty l'il mitts yet, but Dolly posted a pic...

Oh...! With the red satin shoes, it will be perfect. Perfect.

Praise Be. This stupid Live Free or Die-ish Commonwealth is finally passing a law that will prohibit cell phone use while driving. You can't even be touching your phone while you're driving, people, or the cops will nail ya. I think it's a great law, personally. I'm guilty of driving/texting (city streets, but still) on occasion and now that I know I'll have the book thrown at me, I'm happy to not do it anymore. Kind of funny in a state that doesn't trust its citizens enough to buy and sell booze but does trust it enough to to purchase guns within city limits. Ahhh...

We met another pug named Ernie today! And his sister Berta. Ha!

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Iceman Cometh.

The times, they are a changin'.

SFG and I tagteam interviewed some folks for the open baker positions. Yes, positionS, as it were, because another baker gave notice because she got a salaried job with benefits and all that stuff so who the hell can blame her. She felt really bad about it coming on the heels of The Psychobaker Chronicles, but it's ok. She's going to stay on and work on Sundays, so that's a good thing at least.

We interviewed four people today. The most promising is a young guy, yes GUY, who has a very healthy amount of baking experience and - coolest thing of all - was head baker at the scientist camp in Antarctica! Get it, cool? And we talked about New Zealand because he's the only other person I've ever met who's been to New Zealand, other than New Zealanders themselves, of course.*

My nails look terrible. Now I've gotta get a job. Now I've got the peeps lined up and SFG ready to breathe some new life into The Canary, I've gotta go out there and prove myself to some prospective employer. Gargh. Nerves.

I have been sucked back into The Hills again. Please, Patron Saint of Crap TV, please protect my neurons from implosion. I promise to never watch marathons or buy the dvds. I promise moderation. I promise not abuse the privilege of On Demand. I promise to give alms to the poor and say my rosary. Just please don't let my brain die.

* Oops. I just remembered that SFG's dad was also in Christchurch for three days while he was in the Marines in the 1950s.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Your Contribution to All We Did was to Say it was Dire.


Unfortunately, things have not worked out for my dearest right hand woman. She kinda freaked out and sent me a not-very-nice-to-put-it-mildly email saying I was the worst human being on the planet. And I handled it well -relatively emotion-free- with a polite but sincere "Last check's in the mail. Wish ya the best. Really I do." 3-line reply. I was hurt and haven't slept without the help of Auntie Ambien in a few days but I survived. And I'm a little thicker skinned now fo sho.

Please believe me when I tell you I am not the worst boss/human being on the planet. I seem to attract very passionate people for the job. Hipster Artisan-types. Smart people in their early to mid twenties with lots of piercings and/or tattoos who may be a little lost career-wise, but who, nonetheless, are great and enjoy working for me and The Canary and are damn good at what they do when they put their minds to it. Their passion is great because they love what they do and they put their heart in it and I know it and appreciate it...and then something just snaps and they lose their marbles. I mean, let's be realistic, it's my "company" (it is a company, according to the feds...yeah) is kind of dead end, there's really no going any farther up the ladder at a certain point. It is my business. I am the brains behind it (har.) and I do get all the credit. But I couldn't do it without good quality peeps and 95% of the time, things go swimmingly.

In any event, I do feel bad about all this. But not bad enough to tolerate her being seriously irrationally nasty to other staff and me now. So. It's unfortunate. Truly.

But it's a new chapter, because SFG is now going to start learning how to steward the ship so I can go on to other things before I lose my own marbles in this tedious mouse maze. Mixing metaphors but whatever. I'm so over the girl drama.


Mme. Mimolette is coming over and we are grilling NY strips and eating fancy cheese, Zin, a lovely salad with apples, asparagus, hazelnuts etc. and pasta with kalamatas, Bulgarian feta and sundried tomatoes. Yum. I do not plan on eating anything after this for the next three weeks.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Gossip Girl.

(Warning: Contains some serious effin' EXPLETIVES.)

The girl drama within the confines of The Canary continues. And I am beyond sick of it. I won't even get into the ridiculous details but it came to my most valuable baker quitting because she "hates" another baker and "everyone else hates her too" and it's "not fair" that she had to give up her shift with the hated baker because she "fucking hates" her and I should never have made the two of them "work it out" because I know how much she "hates her". BLAGH BLAGH BLAGH. Aside from being disappointed in this particular individual, I am just fucking pissed that these catty little bitches can't just work together and be normal, mature adults and leave me in peace.

Since when is this a FUCKING DEMOCRACY? : "We don't think it's fair that [hated baker] gets the shifts she gets. We don't like her."

Since when am I a 7th grade teacher in an all girls' school?: "So and so said this and so and so said that and you know none of us like her so we think it's NOT FAIR." Waah. Stomp stomp STOMP.

Seriously, I cannot take these banshees anymore. I've come up with a novel (and not-so-loopy) idea that I find a more suitable management position (with Starr yessss!) and SFG take over the daily runnings of the bakery. I think he would be a better manager than I would in my own environs.

Only because I take this shit waaay too personally and now instead of making me cry it is seriously pissing me off. Who do these people think they are - meddling in my livelihood like that? NO ONE backs me into a corner with their ludicrous script de Les Miserables! Are you fucking kidding me?

I recognize that this is in large part my fault. I am too soft. I won't go so far as to say too nice, because that sounds self-serving, but really, my big issue is that I am terrified of being disliked. And that is a problem when you are the boss and trying to manage/control/manipulate/coddle/juggle a bunch of personalities. Playing "Cool Aunt" only works 90% of the time when things are going swimmingly; the other 10% SUCKS.

ANYHOO, I've no time nor energy today to discuss

- my new KINDLE 2. It is lovely, I must say that much.
- a possible pending trip to ICELAND with the lovely Daximus.
- Franz Ferdinand song on 90210 when Silver is crazed and lost.
- the freaky Irish dancers with their freaky curly wigs at The Circus this week.

That is all.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Happy Birthday. It's an Intervention.

The Canary's third anniversary is coming up in exactly 21 days, people. And I have survived. By a string, but survival nonetheless. Nails still bitten to the quick. But still. The only question is how to celebrate. Last year I took the girls to Lolita for a night of fancy enchiladas and fresh watermelon margaritas...but this year it's not so simple. I've got one baker who influences another baker to hate the third baker ...oy, girls. What a pain in the ass. SFG says I should just do something, invite them all to a party somewhere with booze and hope for the best. But my ego fears no one will show up. Fuck it. Maybe I will just take myself to Mercato and let them sort it out on their own. Stupid females.

I bought 4 tickets to Franz Ferdinand today. DID YOU KNOW you can buy tickets at the TLA box office for Electric Factory without paying those ridiculous Ticketmaster surcharges? I could even ride my bike right up to the ticket window. The Electric Factory website doesn't tell you this dirty little secret. Shysters.

Anyhoo, since SFG refuses to go, I have invited Turkey Boy, who is looking forward to the outing with 'Queenie' (that's me). I have also invited Madame Mimolette, who is looking forward to watching Turkey Boy in his civies...the fourth ticket is a wild card...this person could make or break our little soiree....who knows...it might be a nice girl for Mme. Mimolette....hmmm?

By the way, I don't know what they put in that album, but I am totally addicted to that shit. I am fully aware of my softspot for toothless pub pop...but I. Just. Can't. Stop. Aural heroin. The album's no doubt got some clunkers, but still...it's just wickedly obnoxiously catchy and fun and it's got some nice funk and some '80s vibes going (Soft Cell on the palette? Divine on the nose?)...I don't know, but it's not healthy, this addiction...make it stop. But don't.

That is all for now. I must get back to Easter lambs and macaroons...Oy.

Monday, April 06, 2009

You Oughta be in Pictures.

Could be the cover of a Hallmark card, dontchathink?

Small wedding cake with "bountiful harvest" theme from this weekend.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Foolish* Heart.

This morning SFG woke me up in a panic saying there was a text on my phone from my head baker saying she quit! Huh? Wha? Where're my glasses?

Later on, I went into the bedroom to discover that Ernie had peed all over my phone on the bed! The sheets went straight into the washer, but oh no! it soaked into the mattress! And he was doing so well. Sigh.

April Fools!
April Fools! (FYI: a vitamin melted in warm water looks (and smells?) like dog pee.)

SFG has informed me that it is April Fools' Week.

*What a quirky word. Look at it really hard then say it five times. I love it.