W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> Moi, Toi, et VoI: May 2008

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Heads or Tails.

I hooked up with my prom date on Facebook. How freakin' cool is that? J and I hadn't spoken in, like, holycrap, 15 years. He's a cool high school English teacher now (hence the Facebook page with 380 friends who refer to him as 'Mr. S*', which I have a hard time wrapping my brain around. He's also got two kids, which is weird because as far as I'm concerned he's still a 17 year old quasi-deadhead who wears thread bracelets and docksiders with no socks and lives in his parents' house in Lincoln Park).

We had a lovely time at prom. It was in the same room as the final scenes of The Fugitive. I wish I had a picture, I'd share it with you. J and I were friends; we always sat right next to each other because of our last names and we spent a lot of time messing around. More like brother and sister messing around, except for when we made out on prom night, but that was it. In fact, the day after prom, everyone was going to someone's summer house on Grand Beach, but my girlfriends and I ditched our dates and dropped acid instead. I look back at that time fondly.

(Weird obsessive thing about me: I try on my prom dress once every year or so to see if/where it still fits. At the time of this writing, it still fits, though my boobs have shrunk.)


I had my first laser brazilian treatment today! (Go ahead, say it. "You're crazy, Oy Vey! Letting a laser beam near your cooch?! OMG! That's insanity!"*)I bit the bullet and went for it. I had my pits done about five years ago and have been very happy with the results. The session was super quick. Fifteen minutes in and out. And it barely hurt at all. Five more treatments every six weeks. It did cost a pretty penny but it actually winds up to be a helluva lot cheaper than waxing every month in the long run. Will keep you posted on the progress.

* I really just wanted a justification to use the phrase "laser beam near your cooch".

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I Am So Lame

...I wouldn't know Colin Farrell if he slapped me in the kisser.

Everytime I've seen him on E!, I forget what he looks like three minutes later.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Every Painful Detail.

I've been such a social butterfly lately I've no time to blog!

Last Wednesday, Lara, Christine, A (does she have a blogname? I don't know!) and I went to Lolita for a nice catch up dinner. Excellent convo, excellent food, and Lara was thoughtful enough to bring a bottle of the bubbly to celebrate The Divorce. Yay! We had so much fun, in fact, that we've decided to form a BYOB Club, on which every second Tuesday of the month we will go to a different BYOB. How fun is that?! Anybody like to join us?

Friday, SFG took me to Marigold Kitchen to celebrate said Divorce and we had a lovely dinner. The grits and shrimp were crazy good. A little awkward when our server turned out to be ex-girlfriend of person I know at The Circus, but she did warn me the Orange Blossom Cake sucked. So I didn't order it.

Saturday, we went to Umbria with SFG's parents. Excellent meaty dinner, though the portions were way too big. Tasty though.

Sunday night we met SFG's cousin (who also owns a bakery - but it's not a bakery bakery because he buys at least 65% of what he sells in his cases but he makes way more money than I do but whatever what do I know?) and his new belle at Positano Coast.

Actually, 'belle' is a bit of a misnomer. You know how much I hate being catty, but this chick is filthy. So filthy that she a) admitted that she doesn't wear underwear when she's wearing a (very short) dress the first hour we met her and b) flashed her underwear-less ass at us while she was barely bending over the barbeque yesterday. And then Baker Cousin mentioned that she was also on the rag! Eww!! I sat in that chair! Eww. Eww. Ewww.

I can't believe I just told you that story.

I am thinking of going laser brazilian.

Stupid Circus Manager neglected to mention our Best of Philly thingy to the Circus inhabitants and is now seriously avoiding me like the plague since last week's Oreo incident. And now this. So in defiance this morning, I plunked down a tray of chocolate chip cookies right on the counter. For Sale Byotch. Fo Sho.

A wee birdy told me that the Canary is going to be in Philly Mag's Best Of this Year. Woo Hoo! That always generates some good biz. Mama likey!

And for the dog people out there, it looks like we're going Boston Terrier. Ideally a rescue situation as long as the dog isn't too old or too mental. Lemme know if you find him.

My blog posts are generally more entertaining when I drink.

Friday, May 23, 2008

It Is Official.

We are getting a dog after we get back from our vacay in Montreal in August.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Hello (hello hello). Is There Anbody In There?

Just nod if you can hear me.

Holy katzenjammer it's been a crazyass week.

We are busy. With a capital B. We've probably made about 1000 cupcakes between Friday and today. And there's more down the pike! Weddings! Special events for rich people! When it rains it pours.

And it's that time of year again. We have made it as a nominee (two years in a row!) for Best Desserts on Philly's Citysearch City's Best. Vote early and often. There is no way we will win. The icky I-talian bakery in South Philly has it in the greasy transfatty bag. Bitches.

Apparently we are in the USAirways inflight magazine! I haven't seen it yet, but if any of you out there are travelling par avion look for it and let me know what you find.

Brides Magazine also contacted me. Now that would be a nice little piece o' pie to get in there. Will keep you posted.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Must celebrate very soon.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Dear Circus Manager,

At approximately 11:30 am this morning, a group from Nabisco came through the Circus to pass out free samples of Oreos and snack bars to Circus patrons. They set up shop in front of The Canary and continued to pass out samples until I complained to the Marketing Director to have them moved. Both the Nabisco people and the Marketing Director said that Nabisco had paid "a large amount of money" to conduct their business in The Circus at that time.

The practice of accepting money from large corporations to pass out free food in The Circus is outrageous. Not only does it go against what The Circus is supposed to stand for ("Fresh and Local"), but it directly interferes with vendors' sales, regardless of what is being sampled out. And when one compares this situation to Management's refusal to allow vendors to actually sell products from large corporations, it's hypocritical.

I hope that Management will discontinue to do such a disservice to its vendors and the spirit of The Circus.

Oy Vey Canary

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

They Can Take Our Teeth, But They Can Never Take Our Freedom!

The deed is done.

Prices have been upped a quarter on most items. The document has been sent to my web guy for updating. Tomorrow I will make new copies of the menu and leave them on the countertop. Quietly.

Clearly I am terrified by the potential backlash. The rioting, the picketing, the editorials in Inky.

PeopleCat, Elizabeth et al have agreed that I need to up the ante. It is time. Even my accountant thought it was insane I hadn't raised my prices in two years. So it will be.

The first round in my Cereal Bar Experiment was a disaster. Who would have thought that cereal melts. I folded in the five cereals into some white chocolate brownie batter hoping for a colorful, crunchy extravaganza and ended up with a single layer of white stuff with a very plasticy mouthfeel. Frightening really.

Round Two, however, produced a much better effect. This time I forsook baking the concoction altogether and spawned The Forbidden Bar: a rice crispy treaty type thingy made with five sugary cereals your mom never let you had. And the whole thing is held together by marshmallow goo. It's a tooth rotter's paradise, a dentist's dream. It's so damn sweet it makes my teeth positively ache just thinking about it. It still needs a little tweaking. I'll keep you posted...if the crazed masses don't kill me first.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Projections, Bar Graphs, Pie Charts, Frozen Orange Juice Concentrate Futures and All That.

I met with my accountant today for advice on selling The Canary.

(Audience gasps followed by dramatic pause.)


But it's good news, people! She looked at my numbers and believes in the viability of the business, more specifically, of the Canary concept. In fact, she said that the change in numbers between 2006 and 2007 was really really good, and while I still took a loss in 2007, it was actually quite small - and a huge jump from 2006's loss.

But she also said that the only way to make real money in this business is to have several locations. Oy! But she's confident that the concept can work and it will just take time. It's only been two years (though it seriously feels like an eternity and two years). She told me to stop being so hard on myself. These things just take time. We also discussed the possibility of business partnerships in this venture. Anybody out there wanna invest in cupcakes - and a really cool logo?

I feel much better after speaking with her about this. I know how to make a mean cupcake but I don't know jack about financials. It was nice to hear positive feedback from someone who does.

My To Do List: Raise prices, get online purchase presence, sell t shirts online, research location for Canary II.

Addendum: I just spent $200 for brownies and cupcakes mailed to our home so I can take a gander at the packaging. Research is by far the best part of my business. Will keep you "posted" hardy har har...

Sunday, May 04, 2008

A Right Proper Post.

I admit it. I've become lazy about blogging.

It's not like I've been swamped with work or divorce-related things or anything like that lately. I've just gotten out of the habit about writing about anything substantial. I will try harder from now on, folks.

So anyhoo....

SFG and I went to the Thriftway on Aramingo Avenue today and I would like to pronounce Philadelphia as The City with The Ugliest Tattoos. This is, of course, in addition to Philly's reign as America's Ugliest People, Worst Teeth, and Fattest, as deemed by independent observers, not just bitter old me.

Today's winners were....A naked sailor woman plunking an American flag on an alien planet; and an Elvis a la Our Lady of Guadalupe surrounded by a glorious haze of pills and a toilet. We are a classy people, Philadelphians. Our Forefathers would be proud to know we've carried on Philly's precious legacy as the cradle of American culture. Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson are, no doubt, rolling in their graves. Maybe someone should do a tat of that.

Speaking of Elvis, our bacon buttercream novelty experiment went quite well. All of them sold, though the irony of it seemed to go over the heads of some of our customers.

And speaking of my indefatigable creative spirit, tomorrow I plan on playing around with breakfast cereals. The forbidden ones your momma refused to let you have, unless of course you had a cool momma. Which definitely was not my case. I am going to try a "cereal bar", incorporating 5 (FIVE) of The Best Cereals of Your Childhood. Wish me luck. This could be my big break, people. I feel it. I feel it big.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Festering. Burning. Lingering. Itching.

1. Where is there consistently good pizza in Center City?
2. Am I the only one who doesn't (know how to) balance their checkbook?
3. Why is the Nasonex bee Spanish? (I feel somehow I am being manipulated by marketing psychologists but can't put my finger on how exactly.)
4. Am I too old to understand how my Bluetooth works? (My mom gave it to me after she got frustrated with it.)
5. How does Molly know to barf directly into my makeup bag?