Moi, Toi, et VoI: November 2007

After Dinner Crack.

Mint, anyone?

Thank God Heather is Off Top Model...

And since I'm into posting vids these days, I thought I'd post the funniest reaction I've seen to the Two Girls One Cup video that has been swirling around the internets of late. If you are not familiar with TGOC, all I can tell you is that it is the most disgusting thing you have ever or will ever see. I swear it. Don't say I didn't warn you if you decide to scar yourself by finding it and watching it. I gag when I describe it.

The Best Show on Television. Hands Down.

Yo! MTV! I've Got a Treatment!

Ok, so I have this idea for a new MTV series - Real World Canary. Watch the drama! the heartache! the cattiness! the love! the hate! the tears! the nausea! the laughter! the baking! once a week for oh, about 12 weeks or so, after which there could be a spinoff - Road Rules Canary, where all of my employees get on a bus for six weeks and face physical challenges while being psychologically challenged by their insane teammates. Oh it would be a fascinating trainwreck to watch! And the nice publicity for the bakery to boot. Can't beat that. Like Magnolia and Sex and the City.

Yesterday I discovered that two of my employees are doin' it. Sigh. After I specifically said "No fucking the new guy, got it?!" It's not so much the sex that I care about, it's the post-coitus drama that will inevitably occur, along with the tears, and ultimately the under/overbaked work product. The Canary is way too small for patisserincest. Not to mention the holiday craziness that is pervading the place. So this, combined with the theivery post a few days back was just too much to bear. I fired one of them as a pre-emptive strike. I am a hard hearted bitch. But trust me, every time this sort of thing happens, it's like a telenovelas, hipster style. It's for the best.

I Am Flattered. And Slightly Paranoid Now.

I got up this morning, made some tea and checked out the Missed Connections on craigslist for a kick. I check it out about once every two weeks or so. Because you never know when there's one for you.

Sticky Fingers.

I was very disappointed to discover that one of my employees has been treating the Canary as her own personal baking aisle. She's been helping herself to ingredients and supplies for god knows how long now. She also has a bad habit of bringing equipment home to use -- and then sometimes forgets to bring it back, which is especially annoying when you already only have two whisks, ahem...

This is an employee who has been with me for quite a while. She's a great worker too. But for whatever reason, she thinks it's perfectly fine to fill her cabinets with stuff that belongs to me. Granted, it's not very expensive stuff, and I'm pretty certain she's not taking actual money, which is good, but this is still not a good situation and I must deal with it ASAP. I can't even imagine what could disappear when I am on vacation for two weeks.

Little things like this are the worst part of owning a business. If you are not by nature a managerial business-is-business personality type, these blips are what can drive you to drink! Oh wait...

****
The White Castle stuffing was a hit.

Dagnabit She Doggone Done It This Time.

I decided to take a big risk this year with SFG's family. In addition to the pumpkin cran walnut cake with brandy brown sugar buttercream, the tray of "Club Lounge Brownies" (those that are now $2.75 a piece) and the selection of fine cheeses I am bringing, I decided to put my comfort levels with his folks on the line. I made White Castle Stuffing.

In all honestly, however, I did doll it up because, while the original recipe is quite lovely and all, I always need to tinker. So I thinned it out with some challah chunks, some freshly cooked prosciutto, and some onion.

If you've never had a 'slider', you must. Krystal is damn close, but I don't think they steam the bun on top of the little gray burger when they cook it on the griddle, giving the burger a little more chew in the finish.

White Castles have a very distinctive, indescribable flavor - not quite full fledged meat, but close - and are extremely addictive. I generally use a new audience as an excuse to make this dish because it's always fun to watch them take a bite, squint and cock their heads, chew slowly for a moment and say "I know this...What is this?' and then keep taking bites until the plate is clean. Nobody has ever been able to place exactly what's in the stuffing, but this is an erudite crowd, so I would not put it past them to get it right. Results to follow.

I Was So Embarrassed I Missed Your Party.

I have gotten permission from PeopleCat to post the picture of C-Note in his blonde glamrock wig. I think he actively wanted me to post it sans black bars over the eyes. So here you go, C-Note. Cheers. Good luck with that.

Speaking of parties, I have been speaking of parties quite a bit today. First was a discussion of a New Year's Eve party at our place, which is ideal because a) we live on the river (not the river per se, but in a condo on the river) feet from the fireworks display and b) this means that I do not have to actually trek anywhere to be festive. Honestly I'd rather cook and clean up than go to someone else's place for New Year's. Isn't that sick? But anyway...

I am having a dilemma regarding the New Year's Eve party. We need a theme. We need a raison d'etre. Ideas anyone? I'm not looking for any Great Gatsby sort of affair. Though Rasputina suggested a Vicars and Tarts theme, which I adore. Not sure SFG would go for that though. I am drawing a blank. I just don't want this to be any old Bring a Cheap Box of American Beer and a Crudite Plate theme. Yawn. A pajama party also came up but that got vetoed via text within seconds of my suggesting it.

In addition..Rasputina and I settled on a date for The Canary Holiday Party today over a 1/4 bottle of Glenlivet at the end of a looong bake-y day today. December 20 it will be. At The Canary since we had such a riotous time last year. The affair will be smaller but I'm sure we'll get some stragglers from Meatman's crew (in fact we have one defector who works for me on Sundays whom we call Jman because his name begins with J and we are too lazy to make another freaking stocking with his full name on it) (but damn is he adorable. He comes and fixes stuff and does dishes during his lunchbreak at Meatman's. And he loves Gwar but we let that slide), the Turkey joint, and Circus Security to join us. Pix to follow...

Big Mouth Strikes Again.

We had a fabulously profitable Saturday at the Canary. A Woo hoo! I'm buying a reasonably fancy bottle of pinot and a cornish hen and I'm going to stuff it and eat it enjoy the end of a long well-worked day kind of day.

But there always has to be a wrinkle. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? I've told the girls that I am longer dealing with customers. I will work in the back baking, doing dishes, whatever needs to be done that is not customer-me oriented. It's a stupid story that I'm blowing way out of proportion in my mind, I'm sure, but still. I was inexcusably rude to a customer for no reason. (Well, of course there was a reason in the actual moment and it felt justified for about a millisecond) but still. If. I'd. Just. Taken. A. Nice. Deep. Breath. prior to the exchange. One 20 second exchange has now made me feel quite crappy.

And to add injury to insult, SFG has a raging flu today - throwing up every 30 minutes poor guy, so no pinot/stuffed hen tonight anyway. And I'm sleeping on the couch to avoid catching the deadly virus. So I'm here with those self-flagellating thoughts until I sleep and they recede, which will allow me to catch my breath, acknowledge the err in judgement and move on.

Working the retail end of this business is not my strong suit. When a customer is nice - and 99.9% are, my job is fun. I love to chitchat, love to watch people enjoying the stuff that we make. I especially love The Regulars whose orders you already know and are bagging for them and they appreciate that. But it's that .1% that just can send my mood spinning downward and the anxiety upward. Let's just say I could never be a diplomat. I have a tendency toward snarky, which can sometimes be interpreted as a hair's breath away from abrasive and rude. Winning The Nicest Woman in Philly prize is not in the cards.

I am trying to remember the following: a) It's not as big of a deal as my brain wants me to think it to be. b)People make mistakes every day they wish they could take back. It's a part of the human condition c) Keeping this event in my mind will keep my short temper/mouth in check. So this was kind of a good thing? Another page in the big book.

Sleepytime.

Last night I took an Ambien. Apparently I was babbling about "purple Germans".

Check Please!

I deposited the return of my security deposit less-the-$75-lightbulb-installation today and I wrote "KARMA" in the memo line. Very un-karmic like but I couldn't help it. I am ashamed of myself only a little.

My Kinda Town.

Back from a long weekend in Chicago visiting PeopleCat and attending Aunt's 75th Birthday.

PeopleCat's party was much fun. In fact, I'd post a picture of C-Note in his glamrock wig but I can't figure out how to put those black lines over someone's eyes for anonymity. I think PC and I were the oldest hags there. We ended up hanging out with C-Note's cousin's friends who are 23, being their go-to gals for all things womanly and mature. We even counseled one kid who looked exactly like Anthony Michael Hall in Breakfast Club (chinos and top siders and all) who was drunk texting his ex girlfriend ("You're soooo adorable. You don't need to do that. Now get me another glass of merlot, 'k? Thanks sweetie.") Funniest comment made by one of the zygotes: "Come on. 23 isn't that much younger than 32." Yeah, it's just, like, the same digits, just reversed. Duh.

Aunt's 75th was another story. It was wonderful seeing her, but goddamn did people get old since I saw them last. And the video photo slide show. Uncle F, J, S...three people close to me who died all within a year of one another not too long ago - and two of them were young. Very sad.

Hmmm...

Oh! I got my security deposit back from my old landlord, who is a crazy nasty hag, speaking of which. I don't think I've mentioned in past posts about how she just walks in one's apartment to show it without giving notice and then has the nerve to be nasty about it. Well, my security deposit was reduced $75 for the replacement of 5 lightbulbs (parts and labor included).

$75 for five light bulbs areyoueffinkiddinme? And labor? Labor to screw in an effing light bulb?

When I called her to question this, the witch hung up on me. Hung up on me.

Yeah, it was that kind of day pretty much. The cosmos was definitely not in alignment for this Aquarian. But I remain with my head held high, propped up by a nice glass of Pearl Plum vodka.

Monday Morning Wake Up Knowing That You've Got to Go to School

but god knows until then you'll annoy patrons and employees of the Circus alike as participants of the High School Journalism Convention.

Can you really truly come up with a more irritating group of human beings? No seriously, I dare you.

Unless you are:

1. The guy who told us he'd been in a horrible motorcycle accident in 1989 and had pins and plates throughout his body, but his left hand was still good for jerking off and his dick still worked.

2. The guy who bought a cup of coffee and then said "I ain't got no teeth!" and then opened his mouth like a hippopotamus to prove it. A hippo with no teeth that is.

3. The guy who wanted a "chocolate buttercream cupcake". "What kind of cake?" "Cup-cake." Duh.

Period The End.

Squeamish and Male Readers Beware. I'm about to talk about my period.

THE FACT THAT I GOT IT. SORT OF.*

It's been 10 months. Ten Whole Months. But it's back. Sort of.*

I have decided that this is a sign from the heavens that my business will no longer be barren and dry. Because I swear to you that within minutes of getting it (*), the phone started ringing, people started ordering. Big orders. Heavy orders. Orders that were flowing with prosperity.

I am no longer convinced that I am pregnant with a primordial dwarf.

* I use the phrase "sort of" because there are certain questions relating to certain aspects of othe situation that I would rather not get into for obvious reasons. And this isn't a medical freakisms blog anyway.

Devastating News.

I have a very sad announcement. Cue the bagpipes...

Gin and I can no longer be friends.

Last night I came home from work and fixed a lovely pizza from scratch (bufalo mozzarella, truffled goat cheese, pepperoni, fresh basil). Over the course of the 2 1/2 hours between preparing the meal, eating it, and then plunking down on the couch, I drank two gin and tonics. I don't even think I finished the second one. Either way, by the third hour I was pretty much plastered - but in a super chatty, hyper, Let Me Tell YOU sort of way (hence SFG's are you on coke? question). I was so wasted I went to sleep at about 10 pm, woke up at 12:30 still drunk. As if I'd consumed an entire bottle of wine. It was that bad.

I am either becoming a serious lightweight, have developed some sort of strange allergy to gin, have a hormonal or metabolic imbalance, or just can't take the Citadelle that we purchased on a whim.

Last week I had a g&t with the Citadelle and got a super raging headache. Maybe I just can't do French gin. I will have to switch back to Hendrick's and see what happens. But I am afraid. What if I have to break up with that one too? Life will simply no longer be the same.

Ramblings of the Day.

We raised the prices of our "boutique brownies" today from $2.50 to $2.75. I had been wanting to do it for a while for the Peanut Butter Brownies, the Rocky Road Brownies and the Chocolate Mint Brownies because of either the labor or the cost of ingredients, but didn't have much of any impetus until I came up with the *new* Nutty Boozer Brownies which have 1 1/2 cups of Glenlivet 12 in them. And now I await the wrath of the Circus Clientele - or at least the ones who live at the Greyhound Station.

***
I forgot to mention that Jackie told me that I REALLY had to turn up my creativity nobs on SUPER HIGH in the next couple of months. And I'm feelin' it. I'm goin' with it. That's actually what I'm good at. Not the money part, or the management part, but the creativity part of The Canary I feel confident about. Hence, the Nutty Boozer Brownies: Our lovely brownie base, which many of you are already familiar with, topped with a hazelnut ganache spiked with a healthy dose of Scotch- decent swill, the Glenlivet 12 year, $39 a bottle ($33 on sale!), with a nice crumble of hazelnut praline on the top. Very smooth, little crunchiness, a little boozy-woozyness....Already sold several today. Next stop is the Nutella wedding cake my friend has commissioned me to make. We're working on that.

****

SFG keeps confusing The Gentle Waves with Camera Obscura, which is relatively cute. He will learn eventually.

A Perfect Sunday Evening

after a long busy weekend at The Canary...couch, cat, beer, Discovery Health HD, Jello, and this.

I Must Be Close to Being on the Rag

because I'm in a kinda cranky mood and have been for days.

The day at The Canary was fine. Made a lot of cupcakes and a little bit o' cash. All good. Excited about all the press. Going to Chicago on Friday to visit PeopleCat and I'm Psyyyyyyyyyyyched for that. Reality TV is abundant and the move-in with SFG has been as smooth as silk.

But lately I've just been feeling ugly, mean and dumb.

I think I am morphing into a Philadelphian.

Drunken Post #427

Just got back from my last wine class. Passed the test! Yay! We were given four wines to do a blind taste test - identify the varietal and country of origin. Got 3 out of 4 correct except for the last one (it was a cab sav, not a shiraz as I thought). So on to the next level, which probably won't be until after I get back from The Trip in January but at least I feel I can walk into a PA Liquor Store and snub 98% of the stock with confidence.

***
And in Canary news:

1. We got our trademark! Yay! The Canary is now officially licensed and registered with the US Patent and Trademark Office. Now we can sue anyone who tries to use our name! Hurrah!

2. PW is doing their holiday guide on all things CUTE. And The Canary's cupcakes are featured because they are SO DAMN CUTE they make your teeth MELT. Photographers came yesterday to do the shoot. BUT I when I was interviewed for the piece I admit I was a little flustered...and ohh...I mentioned 9/11...oh how I hope they don't use that quote because I really didn't want to use it but it just came out of my mouth because damn I was there that day so it feels like it was yesterday anyway not seven years ago and what I really meant to say was Iraq, not 9/11, but jesuschrist this is a Christmas issue not freaking Mother Jones what was I thinking DAMN I am horrible with these interviews god just please make me mute and possibly deaf to avoid any and all confusion because I should not ever be allowed to make statements that go on record of any kind and oh god I hope they don't quote me verbatim fuck.

3. Cantankerous Canary cupcakes - as mentioned in this month's edition of Better Homes and Gardens- are flying off the shelves thankyou and goodnight.

Moi, Toi, et VoI

Friday, November 30, 2007

After Dinner Crack.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thank God Heather is Off Top Model...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Best Show on Television. Hands Down.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Yo! MTV! I've Got a Treatment!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

I Am Flattered. And Slightly Paranoid Now.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Sticky Fingers.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Dagnabit She Doggone Done It This Time.

Monday, November 19, 2007

I Was So Embarrassed I Missed Your Party.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Big Mouth Strikes Again.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Sleepytime.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Check Please!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

My Kinda Town.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Monday Morning Wake Up Knowing That You've Got to Go to School

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Period The End.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Devastating News.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Ramblings of the Day.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

A Perfect Sunday Evening

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I Must Be Close to Being on the Rag

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Drunken Post #427

Contributors

Baking

Booze of the Day

T-Shirt/Bumper Sticker/Tattoo Sighting of the Day

Reading on My Kindle

It's the Kind of Day

Coveting

Looking Forward To

Burning Question

Stuck In My Head

Stuff You Should Click On (in no particular order. I know where everything is. Welcome to my world.)

So Yesterday

The Stacks