Moi, Toi, et VoI: November 2008

Two Seconds to Entertain You.*

Unfortunately my piddly phone camera can't quite capture that which is EAGLES MADNESS, but here is photo of a superpimped recreational vehicle (hand-painted bright old school Eagles' green though you can't see the detail). Note Anti-Dallas insignia on left. Note SFG explaining the significance of said insignia.**

Just to give you a sense of The MADNESS, at Thursday night's game...when some poor Eagles' guy got injured and had to be carried off the field in an ambulance-cart, more than a few had a few get well wishes for him:

"Come on! I gotta get up for work in the mornin'!"
"Ya clumsy fuckin' retard!"
"See ya!"

I won't even mention the guy sitting next to me who was spitting every two minutes 12 inches from my shoe.

Given everything I've said, the mood surrounding the Eagles is a little strange lately because the head quarterback is getting old and fracking up too much and the Coach is on the hot seat because of it. And Philly is pissed. Livid. Bullshit crazy. Just to give you an idea, when we were taking the subway to the stadium and the computer lady said "Next stop, Pattison Avenue, Lincoln Financial field, home of the Eagles", the entire car screamed "SUCKS!". Classy!

*a fantastic song from Northern Portrait, a Danish band I just discovered on indiepages. If you love the Smiths, you will love this band. I guarantee it.

** some fancy super talented asshole Eagles guy was transferred to The Cowboys. Philly fans decided to hate him and once they discovered his Achilles heel (depression, alleged suicide attempt), they now throw pill bottles filled with nickels on to the field.

Scccrreeeeecccchhh.

Perhaps I shouldn't have blog-drunken celebrated so soon re Canary Cafe. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, the deal fell through. It's ok, because honestly, there were certain elements of the deal that were not sitting well with me. It just didn't feel right, the more I thought about it. And after talking it through with Mr. and Mrs. Dax, both superfabulous, supersmart shark (in a good way) attorneys, I decided to go with my gut (and their sage advice) on this one.

So tonight I am drunkenly celebrating My Gut, by plying it with McWilliams Shiraz and d'Affinois on Sarcone's bread. I am also celebrating the fact that I made 20 pies (pumpkin and pecan), made 200 cupcakes and frosted four cakes in six hours. I am a machine. I am exhausted. And I still want to marry Joe Pernice.

Tool of Fright.

Over the course of a couple of nights, we caught Ernie peeing in our bedroom in the middle of the night. He's also developed a nasty habit of peeing on my clothes on the floor (Lesson learned, Mom!), so we got this handy dandy little gadget, the Urine Finder, a blacklight designed to detect invisible urine stains by making them glow in the dark.

OhMyGod. Oh The Horror. The Horror. When we shut off the lights and turned that thing on, it looked like a freakin' rave in there. Pee stains EVERYWHERE. He is damn lucky he is cute. Damn lucky.

(It's my guess that the makers of the product originally had intended for it to be called 'Piss Off'. It's a little catchier, dontchathink?)

So I Went to Spain Or Mildly Insane.

I am so celebrating tonight.

(Gonna take a lover, gonna take her back to Somerville, don't care if she's pretty, as we leave Suck City.)

Things went really well with lunch meeting with prospective rentor of new Canary space. In fact, she wants to invest in the Canary. I think I may have died and gone to heaven. I will spare you the details of the conversation because I am mildy drunk and don't want to jinx my new found luck. More deets as they become concrete. This is still an embryo. Not even an embryo. A cluster of cells. We will let it rest and grow.

(I wouldn't stay around if the money let me linger on 'til the end of December, waste another year like a minute, trying to forget, but I remember my home.)

Anyhoo, I am celebrating with a bottle of Zin and Live A Little, the most recent Pernice Brothers (sigh) album (2006 waah.), which can I say, if you are a fan of anything remotely indie/folkie/smart lyric heavy, you will looooooove. It's like a warm blanket and a cuppa cocoa, if you ask me. Very Boston, very Barnard/Bryn Mawr, if that's your thing.. Effin' genius, that Joe Pernice. I want to marry him. Ok, maybe I am slightly drunker than I claim. But whatever. I'm going to get my own cafe! And it's going to basically be a 3-D extra large version/vision of my cupcake aesthetic! I think I may have possibly died and gone to heaven. I don't deserve this kind of karma. This is good. Good stuff.

(Gonna take a lover, gonna take her back to Somerville, show her round the neighborhood, re-case the place and settle down.)

So it seems that I will be out of The Circus in February. I am actually meeting with the GM tomorrow morning to discuss lease renewal - total coincidence. He has no idea. I will not show him my hand, but am definitely curious as to what he has to offer when I say I have an offer in another space. The Circus has several open spots right now. My space, in particular, is in a fairly prominent, yet seedy location (think pre-Disneyfication Times Square). It will not look good to have that space empty for too long. Who knows...maybe he will offer me 1/2 price rent...something to consider, but it won't stop Canary Cafe from coming to fruition.

(I'm comin' home.)

Woo hoo!!

This Is Slightly More My Style. But I Still Hate You.

Why I Oughta!

Ernie sporting his new Pug Snuggly.
(It was a gift.)

The Universe is One Crazy Effin' Place.

I've always believed that when The Universe throws an opportunity in your lap, you should at least strongly consider it.

Last week a woman called me out of the blue and said she had a space she thought would be perfect for The Canary. She said she's a big fan of Canary cupcakes and would love it if I'd at least come and check the space out yada yada yada.

This is a big beautiful space (over twice the size of the current Canary!) directly across the street from a major hospital. It's completely renovated, sunny, good foot traffic, crappy food all around. The rent is about $1000 a month more than what I'm paying now, but the beauty is I could do whatever I wanted with the space. I could sell chocolate chip cookies, I could sell cheesesteaks. I could hold cooking classes or cupcake parties. I could be open until 8. I could close for a week in August. OH MY GOD THE POSSIBILITIES ARE LIMITLESS!

And the funny thing is the GM stopped by the other day to remind me that my lease is up in February, not April as I had thought! Holy crap!

Yeah, so, strong consideration on this front. Oy vey!

***
While I was on the phone with my mom about this topic, Jackie the psychic called me to ask for a friend's phone number. Then she asked me if I had ever been to Scotland and did I like it because, when she was dialing my number, she got this vibe that I've lived many past lives in Scotland. She said Edinburgh would make my head spin it would seem so familiar. Weird!

Honey, I Killed the Canary.

SFG says that I am a lot like Debra Barone. Well well, isn't that funny, because there are so (so) many (many) times when he reminds me of Ray. Like now.

SFG and I are having a Raymond moment at the moment.

SFG has been burning coal in our fireplace. Coal. Real chunks of real coal. Not charcoal briquettes, though that would be kind of weird, but coal that his father gave him. SFG's dad is an oncologist, so I am assuming that he has thoroughly thought out this coal = cancer? thing. But coal? in the wood-burning fireplace?

I am terrified of the coal. It just doesn't sound or smell like a good idea, this coal in the fireplace thing. Whenever SFG burns the coal (which, incidentally, goes PooF! when you light it), I think I'm getting lightheaded and have to open the windows, which kind of defeats the purpose of the toasty fire in the first place, but safety first!

Is anyone with me on this? Or am I the lone coalphobe out here?

****
A person I'm not particularly fond of told me I had 'the Lisa Loeb thing going on' with my new glasses. I'm not sure how to take this.

Why I Suspect Ernie Once Belonged to a Pimp's Girlfriend.

Here are the facts. Use your imagination to connect the dots.

Someone treated him nicely; he knows a few commands, loves to be petted and hugged and rubbed. He adores people. Personally, I think he's more fond of women.
He was also very obviously abused; if you raise your hand above your head, the poor little guy flinches like you wouldn't believe. He appears to be intimidated by men.
He doesn't like toys or treats tossed in his direction. He jumps out of the way like someone used to throw things at him.
He hates spoons; a clear indication that he was witness to some nefarious activity having to do with spoons. And believe me, you can do a lot of nasty shit with spoons.
He only likes to eat junk food, except for one big-ticket night-out-on-the-town item, maki. No veggies, only Cheetos (don't ask how we know!).
He doesn't mind being dressed up.
He barks everytime he hears breaking glass, yelling, or gunshots on television. Watching The Wire with him was a nightmare.
He had a patch of missing fur that was shaped like a crackpipe.
He still had his testicles up until yesterday morning. That's pug Machismo, or Pugchismo, most definitely.

This evidence supports the theory that Ernie belonged to someone who took care of him emotionally to a degree, however, he also was surrounded by negative activity, bad energy, chaos, and violence. His previous owners took minimal care of him, but didn't know or care enough to keep him at peak health and happiness. Poor little dude! He is the sweetest little guy and it burns me up that people could be so mean to him!

Seriously, folks, the details really aren't that sordid, but since we don't know anything about his past, we needed to give him a story. I wasn't expecting y'all to actually ask about it. Creative license!

In any event, the behaviorist is coming to our place on Wednesday to evaluate Ernie for anxiety. Little dude has the worst separation anxiety. Hopefully it'll help.

It's All In My Mind.

Ok, this is why I truly do love America, no matter how much I trash the Roy Rogers' set or people who like block cheese or Philadelphia. Or NASCAR or Matthew McConaughey or area codes that aren't a combination of 3, 2, and 1 in some form or fashion. Because no matter where you go, whether it be an Appalacian yurt made of Mr. Spaghettio tins and Spam to a luxury Malibu condo/set for an MTV reality show, there is no other place on this Earth where you can a) put your cat on Elavil because of your new dog b) whom you are taking to a animal behaviorist to correct his separation anxiety caused by his previous life as the pet of a pimp's girlfriend. Or daughter.*

*If you want the details of why we reached this conclusion, please email.

Larceny, She Wrote!

When the girls came into the bakery this morning, things were askew! Someone had been tampering with our cash register! How did we know? Because when the thief hit the 'amount tendered' key, he printed out a sales receipt with the exact time of his thievery! The security guards checked the camera tape at 21:41, and lo and behold! It was an employee of one of The Circus Eateries I Never Mention. Only later did we discover the espresso cup filled with nickels that was missing (Fortunately, the drawer and money were still in their hiding place.).

Kind of reminds me of that story about that guy who got caught stealing a car because a security camera caught a glimpse of the tattoo of his full name and birthdate on his neck?

Non Sequiturs.

Does anybody else find it mildly disturbing that the ads in the sidebar of Google Mail change depending on the content of the email you are reading or writing?

I heard a cousin of mine was screeching that Obama is the Anti-Christ. That's a little bit harsh, dontchyathink? Besides, we had to deal with eight long tragic years of the Mr. I'm-The-Second-Coming-Of-Christ. Mmm hmm Fooshizzle! Certain members of my family are an embarrassment.

I had my first Board of Directors meeting today at The Circus. But I can't tell you anything because it's highly confidential.

I got new glasses today and I'm feeling a little ill because they are stronger than my old ones. Pic once my hair is fluffier and not rained on.

SFG is going to a bachelor party weekend in AC, complete with gambling, deep sea fishing, firecrackers, an Eagles game, and I'm almost positive strippers and cheap beer. I mean really. In any event, it means that I have the place to myself allllll weekend long. Me + book + knitting + tv + dog + cat + sushi = BLISS.

No Words To Describe it.

We're just going to sit with the Absolute Joy tonight.

Celebrations (?)

Praise Be, I only saw one guy passed out on Market Street and one overturned car during the Phillies' parade. And only one guy with a Mets hat happened to walk through the Circus and didn't die because of it. It is a miracle.

Oddly enough, some person whom I do not know nominated me to be on the Board of Merchants at The Circus and Praise Be (?), I was elected. Now I'm practically royalty there, heh heh, and only one of three women on a board of 12. I would like to thank my supporters and all the little people our there. Thank you. Thank you. Tax cuts and martinis all around!

Ohmygod, are you excited or what? Freakin' nervous more like it! I figured Election themed cupcakes would be a great seller today and tomorrow, so I am capitalizing on the untapped demographic of emotional eaters. OK, yeah, maybe they're a wee bit partisan (The cupcakes or the eaters? Heh heh.). At first I was going to just make some 'Vote' with a checkmark in the 'o' and some 'I voted' cupcakes, but then I figured, oh hell, make a couple trays of 'Obama' cupcakes and throw a few 'McCain's in there for good measure. But then I figured, 'oh hell, fuck it. I'm going whole hog.'

Moi, Toi, et VoI

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Two Seconds to Entertain You.*

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Scccrreeeeecccchhh.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Tool of Fright.

Friday, November 21, 2008

So I Went to Spain Or Mildly Insane.

This Is Slightly More My Style. But I Still Hate You.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Why I Oughta!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Universe is One Crazy Effin' Place.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Honey, I Killed the Canary.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Why I Suspect Ernie Once Belonged to a Pimp's Girlfriend.

Monday, November 10, 2008

It's All In My Mind.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Larceny, She Wrote!

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Non Sequiturs.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

No Words To Describe it.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Celebrations (?)

Contributors

Baking

Booze of the Day

T-Shirt/Bumper Sticker/Tattoo Sighting of the Day

Reading on My Kindle

It's the Kind of Day

Coveting

Looking Forward To

Burning Question

Stuck In My Head

Stuff You Should Click On (in no particular order. I know where everything is. Welcome to my world.)

So Yesterday

The Stacks