Why I Suspect Ernie Once Belonged to a Pimp's Girlfriend.
Here are the facts. Use your imagination to connect the dots.
Seriously, folks, the details really aren't that sordid, but since we don't know anything about his past, we needed to give him a story. I wasn't expecting y'all to actually ask about it. Creative license!
In any event, the behaviorist is coming to our place on Wednesday to evaluate Ernie for anxiety. Little dude has the worst separation anxiety. Hopefully it'll help.
- Someone treated him nicely; he knows a few commands, loves to be petted and hugged and rubbed. He adores people. Personally, I think he's more fond of women.
- He was also very obviously abused; if you raise your hand above your head, the poor little guy flinches like you wouldn't believe. He appears to be intimidated by men.
- He doesn't like toys or treats tossed in his direction. He jumps out of the way like someone used to throw things at him.
- He hates spoons; a clear indication that he was witness to some nefarious activity having to do with spoons. And believe me, you can do a lot of nasty shit with spoons.
- He only likes to eat junk food, except for one big-ticket night-out-on-the-town item, maki. No veggies, only Cheetos (don't ask how we know!).
- He doesn't mind being dressed up.
- He barks everytime he hears breaking glass, yelling, or gunshots on television. Watching The Wire with him was a nightmare.
- He had a patch of missing fur that was shaped like a crackpipe.
- He still had his testicles up until yesterday morning. That's pug Machismo, or Pugchismo, most definitely.
Seriously, folks, the details really aren't that sordid, but since we don't know anything about his past, we needed to give him a story. I wasn't expecting y'all to actually ask about it. Creative license!
In any event, the behaviorist is coming to our place on Wednesday to evaluate Ernie for anxiety. Little dude has the worst separation anxiety. Hopefully it'll help.
posted by Oy Vey at 4:17 PM
2 Comments:
What I now want to know is: how do you know what crack pipe burns look like?
Monkey, all I can say, is that it looks like a little pipe! The missing fur was in the shape of a little pipe! Ce n'est pas une pipe!
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