Rude Awakening. Or Maybe You Had to Be There.
"I'd like an assortment of brownies."
"Sure! Some of them are more expensive. Do you want those included?"
"I said 'assortment'. Assortment means a group of different things."
"I know what assortment means."
Five minutes later.
"You overcharged me for my assortment."
(Check receipt, recalculate purchases.)
"Actually turns out I undercharged you by a quarter."
(Turns and walks away.)
"My kid dropped his blondie on the floor..."
(Before there is time to respond...)
..."You're going to give him another one..."
(No time to respond. Surprised look!)
..."Come on! He's just a kid...Give him another one."*
"Would like me to take the chill off this cupcake? It's in a refrigerated case..."
"No, I'm taking it out."
A minute passes.
"This cupcake tastes like absolute garbage. It's cold."
*May I just say for the record that in the event that the kid dropped the blondie on the floor and the parents had offered to buy him a clean one, I would have given it to them for free immediately. I'm partially sorry to say I ended up giving them the damn thing for free anyway because they started pitching a fit when they saw the You-ve Gotta Be Effin' Kiddin' Me Whatthehell Are You Teaching That Little Monster expression on my face. I'm just starting to learn sometimes it's better to just give in. They are taming my free spirit, those bastards, almost turning me into a regular pushover. Maybe I'm just getting old.