Yada Yada Yada.
Ok, back to reality for a post. Leave now if you don't want to hear another post about my divorce. Believe me, I'm bored by it too by now.
I've mentioned ad nauseum about how Mr. X got custody of a large chunk of college friends we had (ok, he got all but 2 and they live in Philly which is an added bonus). Mind you this is regardless of the fact that for the most part we are splitting amicably. And from what I hear, regardless of the fact that Mr. X has come to my defense when said friends have tried to talk me down. OK.
But have I mentioned the fact that I have not heard from Mr. X's parents since the split - which was about a year and a half ago? I just find that odd. We were together for 13 years. 13 years! In the lives of a 32 and 35 year old that's a long friggin' time. We did college together, grad school, first apartment, cats times three, (first marriage), trips to Europe, bought first house...all of those things we did as a pair. During our formative years.
It's not like I cheated on him. Or beat him. Yes, I was the one who left. But that's because I have always been the one to make the move on anything in our relationship. I think we can both acknowledge that a) we've grown from this experience b) we're both responsible for the situation and c) that the 13 years we spent together weren't in vain. We had many good times.
Let me be honest. I have not contacted them. I know it sounds chicken, but I've always felt that the ball is in their court to get in touch with me - as The Parents. It just seemed like the first move ought to have been theirs, not mine, in checking in. It's not a very mature defense on my part, I agree.
In any event, my mother (who has sent Mr. X birthday cards not saying much of anything, just a general acknowledgement of his existence) has suggested that I send them a card. That way the door is open for them to respond. And if they don't. Well then they don't. I don't want to have a relationship with them; I simply want to prove to myself that I in fact still do exist outside of the Center City Philadelphia .
It's weird really.
I've mentioned ad nauseum about how Mr. X got custody of a large chunk of college friends we had (ok, he got all but 2 and they live in Philly which is an added bonus). Mind you this is regardless of the fact that for the most part we are splitting amicably. And from what I hear, regardless of the fact that Mr. X has come to my defense when said friends have tried to talk me down. OK.
But have I mentioned the fact that I have not heard from Mr. X's parents since the split - which was about a year and a half ago? I just find that odd. We were together for 13 years. 13 years! In the lives of a 32 and 35 year old that's a long friggin' time. We did college together, grad school, first apartment, cats times three, (first marriage), trips to Europe, bought first house...all of those things we did as a pair. During our formative years.
It's not like I cheated on him. Or beat him. Yes, I was the one who left. But that's because I have always been the one to make the move on anything in our relationship. I think we can both acknowledge that a) we've grown from this experience b) we're both responsible for the situation and c) that the 13 years we spent together weren't in vain. We had many good times.
Let me be honest. I have not contacted them. I know it sounds chicken, but I've always felt that the ball is in their court to get in touch with me - as The Parents. It just seemed like the first move ought to have been theirs, not mine, in checking in. It's not a very mature defense on my part, I agree.
In any event, my mother (who has sent Mr. X birthday cards not saying much of anything, just a general acknowledgement of his existence) has suggested that I send them a card. That way the door is open for them to respond. And if they don't. Well then they don't. I don't want to have a relationship with them; I simply want to prove to myself that I in fact still do exist outside of the Center City Philadelphia .
It's weird really.
posted by Oy Vey at 8:41 PM
1 Comments:
It's not unusual for parents of divorced people not to contact ex-daughters or sons in law. They feel weird about it, like they're being disloyal to their own child. But it's an entirely different thing when grandchildren are involved. If you have no kids, no contact is normal. But if you have kids, you've got a permanent bond with your ex-inlaws. Oddly, I'm still in contact with my ex-inlaws, although I'm always the one to initiate a phone call or whatever. My ex's mom is very old and frail, and I love her dearly. I love my ex, too, and of course she knows this.
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