Turkey Commando (And a short commentary on Boss Turkey).
He'd split his pants and wasn't wearing any undies (He didn't get to laundry, ok?). So The Bassoonist, forever the Sympathizer with the Weak and Infirmed, stapled his pants back together. It was just about the funniest thing I'd ever seen.
I wrote "Get Some New Pants Turkey Boy" on a cake and sent it over to the Turkey Stand. Turkey Boy loved it. Then Boss Turkey spotted the scene on the security camera and called them up and told them to get rid of the cake! What the hell! I felt half punished. But then again, this is also a man who's had employees for nine years and pays them $9 an hour. And he refuses to have a tip jar because it looks like begging. In fact, he won't even patronize businesses that have tip jars! Millionaires! Blargh!