W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> Moi, Toi, et VoI: This is a Real Blog Post.

Monday, January 09, 2006

This is a Real Blog Post.

Inspired by Guinness Girl's brutal blog-honesty (blogesty?), I've decided to share *one* of the crazy thoughts that's been rolling around in my twisted mind for the past few weeks. Babysteps, people.

Lately I've been feeling ugly. Unattractive, homely, uncute. U.G.L.Y. This feels so certainly totally bizarre of me to be typing right now, admitting such self-absorption and idiocy, so I'm just going to typetypetype and get this post over with, and you can just make of it what you will...

I can't really explain where this is coming from. I mean, for chrissake, I lived in New York for eight years in total and yeah, sure I had my bad hair days and all that, but this is Philly, and dare I say that the gen pop is, erm, no Manhattan. (See, aren't I horrible?) Lately when I've been walking down the street, I will compare my face to random people's on the street. Psycho? Unstable? Requiring medication? Possibly...Truth be told, I've decided that I am a realist and the only way to feel better about myself is to simply accept the facts as they are and deal: I am ugly.

And it goes without saying that I absolutely positively loathe having my picture taken. (Lucy, you so slay me...)

This is just really strange because it's consuming way too much of my mental energy. It's as if I'm 16 again. Martha "Dumptruck" Dunnstock. Mousy girl on the end pew. Ergh. And just to make it perfectly clear, three weeks prior, I did not think of myself as a pin-up by any means, but I guess I just didn't have a problem with my looks. And now I do. A homeless guy in college once said I looked like a young Patty Duke. Ha! Alright...that's better than an old Lifetime Movie Network Patty Duke. I can handle that. And oddly enough, I've lost a lot of weight since moving to Philly (see post on my Miracle Cake Batter and Scotch Diet....) and even more so recently, so you'd think I'd be enjoying my too-large pants. But the thrill just isn't there.



Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

STOP IT. (a) This is National Be Nice To Yourself, as I have single-handedly declared it; (b) are you fucking kidding me? You're adorable! stop stop stop. And remind me to have a huggy-cheesy moment with ya when I next see you.

1/09/2006 7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I truly believe that there is no objective truth about our own beauty, just how we feel about ourselves on any given day (see your own posts dated December 12th and November 28th to remember yourself that the very same lovely lady was feelin' quite adorable on other days). My guess is internal stresses are making you feel unattractive. Believe me, we all have been there. But it is not any sort of reflection on your actual looks (you are without question, if I may say, quite attractive). It's like your insides reflect the mirror you see - good day, cute, bad day, not cute. Totally universal is my belief.

I think it's time for a trip to the baking supply store to have some young boys help you out!


1/10/2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

Ha! Excellent plan, Daximus!

1/10/2006 10:04 AM  

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