W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> Moi, Toi, et VoI: How Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

Saturday, April 19, 2008

How Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

Seriously, how can a Saturday night be more perfectly spent than drunk dancing in polka dot heels and a Dishy hat eating matzoh pizza? Once you've hit 33 that is.

But anyway, let's backtrack so it all makes sense....

1. Drunk. Yes, that is what happens when one drinks three Bombay and tonics while one is straightening up the house after work and has a deck facing the Comcast building and waning sunlight and a fully charged Nano and a boyfriend at the Lou Reed show tonight...

(We will refrain from discussing why I am not seeing Lou Reed tonight. We will not mention that I seriously cannot stand this particular friend poor SFG is going with. I mean really. We won't whisper a word about how the bastard has been talking shit about how horrible I am and what crap judgment SFG has for being with me for the past year and a half, but whatever...I mean really, whatever...What.Ever. )

I am breaking in the polka dot mules I bought from ebay.fr for a wedding out on Long Island this coming weekend. The last time I was at a wedding out on Long Island, the bride made us sing fucking The Rainbow Connection during the service. That is a crime, people. Or it ought to be. Strung and quartered! Waterboarded! Bamboo Under the Fingernails! (I can't decide if that was what it was like or the punishment the newlyweds should have had to face for such brazen disregard for peoples' dignity). That shite should not be occurring in the Free World.

3. The Dishy hat because I am pining for New Zealand and hanging out with Martha and want to give her new company a nice fat plug! Shall I mention how many compliments I've gotten on my Dishy bag? My mom nearly ripped the thing off my shoulder. It makes me think about where I will go next? Iceland? Cape Town? Helsinki? Pattaya Beach? Babyshambles world tour? Anybody got any ideas? I've got airmiles up the arse and a hankerin' to get outta here with my obscene tax return ....

4. It is the first night of Passover and I have decided to be a good Jew this year and observe Passover by eating matzohs and not bread or pasta for the next eight days. It turns my digestive tract into a cement mixer but hell, it's worth it for the good of my People. I need to reclaim my identity, ground myself, be the Jewess that I know I am on the inside. Wish my colon good luck and God speed, friends. And Happy Pesach!

*Addendum: Holy bejeezus. Please forgive the bad grammar. I'm mortified.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come back! We'll do Passover together, I don't even know what a matzoh is, but I'm imagining it to be exactly the same as buffalo wings and chocolate monkey cake.

Martha (can't remember my login)

4/19/2008 9:48 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home