Friendsterism.
*One of the shittiest aspects of divorce is the fact that you split your friends in the settlement.
Mr. X and I have known each other since college. We've got a small group of friends with whom we've kept in touch over the years. Most of us have remained on the East Coast and we always manage to see each other at least annually and keep in touch.
Over the course of this situation, there have been some people in this group who have taken sides, which is actually pretty weird because for all intents and purposes, this breakup is surprisingly amicable. One couple in particular has decided to 'align' themselves with Mr. X entirely. I have been taken off any and all lists for social events that they host. And in all honesty, it doesn't really bother me because it doesn't surprise me. For two people who believe themselves to be the most liberal, open-minded human beings on the planet, they are exceptionally judgmental. Basically, if you're not as liberal and as open-minded as they are, well, then you are an ignorant boor. Whatever. No loss there.
But there's another friend who I'm really disappointed has chosen to take sides. At least I think he's taken sides. I invited him to a show in NYC (where he lives) about a month ago because we have similar tastes in music and thought it would be an easy and fun way to catch up. He ignored my calls and emails on that one. Fine. He's got a job that requires extensive travel, maybe he was just flaky and never called me back, etc. etc.
But I got an invite to another show in NYC - one that I know he would kill to go to - so I called and emailed him to see if he wanted to come. Nothing. No response.
It hurts to be dissed like this. Especially by someone whom you really didn't think would be so partial. Frankly, I'm surprised he's taken sides. Ironically, Mr. X is too and isn't pleased with him at the moment. He's a good guy that way.
Do people need reminding that no one, under any circumstances (barring the obvious abusive ones of course), has a right to judge what goes in anyone else's bedroom? Don't people realize that relationships are too complicated to simply make a yes/no right/wrong decision about something that they only know a tiny bit about?
It makes me sad to lose people I thought were friends over this. But I guess those people who aren't going to stick by both of us aren't really true friends after all. Kind of sucks to realize that at a time when your friends are most vital to your sanity.
Kind of sucks indeed.
But interestingly enough, My Crazy Psychic said that this was going to be a period in my life when new friendships were coming in and some of the old ones needed to die quietly. I think she said this shit was going to go on through September. Sigh!
* This picture has nothing to do with the post other than to provide an element of levity.
posted by Oy Vey at 9:13 PM
4 Comments:
Separation is always difficult, amicable or not. People always feel awkward for some reason, even if they don't have any reason to feel that way. It's as if they "have to" pick one person over the other. It's simply weird! Things will settle down, and your true friends will remain.
That sucks, especially as it's amicable. I've had friends break up when it's NOT amicable, and I'm always trying to maneuver how to keep them both. It's interesting to me that people aren't psyched that they DO get to keep you both and neither of you cares.
I agree with Stinkypaw entirely. I think people have some weird idea that they are supposed to pick sides. A lot of people just get strangely paralyzed in the face of someone else's life-changing situation (as I've told you about with my dad's death and how some people just avoided me).
Well screw 'em. You have so many people in your life (me! me!) who know you and love you and think you are the cat's pjs (or should I say sundress? (is that what that thing was?)
BTW, my mom told me that Macy's bought Marshall Fields. Did you know this?!?!
I love the way you write. Thank you.
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