Just Following the Spirit of the Blog.
My mother has a very annoying habit of using the following phrase to respond to 88% of anything you tell her.
"I'm making frozen pork chops for dinner."
"Nothin' wrong with that."
"I spent $67 at H&M today and got six complete outfits!"
"Nothin' wrong with that."
"We made $1600 today at The Canary."
"Nothin' wrong with that."
"I'm getting a divorce."
"Nothing' wrong with that."
"I'm getting married!"
"Nothin' wrong with that."
I've become a very forgiving daughter toward my mother in my adulthood. I have put the past in the past and accepted that she is a limited woman with limited emotional resources. Or at least I thought I did. When will I ever learn to just not go there? But then I feel guilty about not sharing stuff that I feel I should...even though I know I will almost always be disappointed by her (lack of) reaction. Gar.
So, mother-readers out there, just a word of advice: When your daughter sends you a picture of her dreamy-supercute-oh,that's so you, Oy Vey!-1950's short flouncy wedding dress, please feign interest. Please don't pretend like you forgot altogether (did you forget?) and then call her to discuss the crappy astrological chart you got from some Cuban psychic when you were in Miami last week. I subject only my closest, dearest friends to such wedding-related assaults, so it's slim pickins there. One should always be able to talk about champagne vs. ivory vs. pink crinoline vs. white polka dot crinoline with one's mother, n'est-ce pas? Am I wrong? But I can't get more than a single run-on sentence "Yes, that's nice. Aren't you going to wear a veil? And how's Ernie?" Am I asking too much?
I was so bummed after speaking to her that I almost bought Kindle 2 as a really sweet consolation prize.
I'm not asking for much from my mother, really. Just the teensiest little bit of interest in those little things that make life so nice. It's so lonely otherwise! And SFG's mom asking me about what my mom thinks about the dress, about this, and about that...well, that shit really doesn't make me feel much better. My therapist and I discussed ways of deflecting those questions so I could still stay true to my own feelings yet not throw my mother under the bus ("Well, my mom's just not that kind of mom." Very smooth, Dr.! Nothin' wrong with that!)
So here I am in all my glory, in my 35th year, still kvetching about my mother. I'm not sure it ever stops, these mother issues. But believe me, I'm not losing sleep over this. I accepted a long time ago that family does not necessarily give you what you need and want automatically. Family's usually been a pain in my ass, which is why my friends are more like my family anyway. Just sometimes you wish things could change for a moment and your relationship with your mother could be totally unfussed and normal for five minutes so you could feel a little bit loved.
(I am ending on this note for extra emotional effect! Waah!)
"I'm making frozen pork chops for dinner."
"Nothin' wrong with that."
"I spent $67 at H&M today and got six complete outfits!"
"Nothin' wrong with that."
"We made $1600 today at The Canary."
"Nothin' wrong with that."
"I'm getting a divorce."
"Nothing' wrong with that."
"I'm getting married!"
"Nothin' wrong with that."
I've become a very forgiving daughter toward my mother in my adulthood. I have put the past in the past and accepted that she is a limited woman with limited emotional resources. Or at least I thought I did. When will I ever learn to just not go there? But then I feel guilty about not sharing stuff that I feel I should...even though I know I will almost always be disappointed by her (lack of) reaction. Gar.
So, mother-readers out there, just a word of advice: When your daughter sends you a picture of her dreamy-supercute-oh,that's so you, Oy Vey!-1950's short flouncy wedding dress, please feign interest. Please don't pretend like you forgot altogether (did you forget?) and then call her to discuss the crappy astrological chart you got from some Cuban psychic when you were in Miami last week. I subject only my closest, dearest friends to such wedding-related assaults, so it's slim pickins there. One should always be able to talk about champagne vs. ivory vs. pink crinoline vs. white polka dot crinoline with one's mother, n'est-ce pas? Am I wrong? But I can't get more than a single run-on sentence "Yes, that's nice. Aren't you going to wear a veil? And how's Ernie?" Am I asking too much?
I was so bummed after speaking to her that I almost bought Kindle 2 as a really sweet consolation prize.
I'm not asking for much from my mother, really. Just the teensiest little bit of interest in those little things that make life so nice. It's so lonely otherwise! And SFG's mom asking me about what my mom thinks about the dress, about this, and about that...well, that shit really doesn't make me feel much better. My therapist and I discussed ways of deflecting those questions so I could still stay true to my own feelings yet not throw my mother under the bus ("Well, my mom's just not that kind of mom." Very smooth, Dr.! Nothin' wrong with that!)
So here I am in all my glory, in my 35th year, still kvetching about my mother. I'm not sure it ever stops, these mother issues. But believe me, I'm not losing sleep over this. I accepted a long time ago that family does not necessarily give you what you need and want automatically. Family's usually been a pain in my ass, which is why my friends are more like my family anyway. Just sometimes you wish things could change for a moment and your relationship with your mother could be totally unfussed and normal for five minutes so you could feel a little bit loved.
(I am ending on this note for extra emotional effect! Waah!)
posted by Oy Vey at 5:38 PM
5 Comments:
I did not know that my mother was leading a double life and that I have a sister I never knew about. Perhaps we should meet?
I gave up on my mom being "mom-ish" on my wedding day when she was "too busy" to help me, the bride, find a iron to fix my dress that got creased in transport.
Now I consider her an older friend with a penchant for cocktails. Works much better for me that way.
Hang in there! :)
Monkey, oh my, a sister! nice. ...I had to find out from my COUSIN that my mother remarried my stepfather! Her penance to me was that she had to vote for Kerry (she lived in NM). Yeah, how THAT went...but anyway.
It does make me feel better that I'm not alone in motherless-ness. I love this older-lady-with-cocktail thing. That will keep me sane for a bit! xx.
Oh yeah, Monkey, we MIGHT BE RELATED because my mother's family is from Milwaukee. Or maybe there's something in the water in Milwaukee.
(I have semi-fond childhood memories of going to Ambrosia to get bags of chocolate (pre-Dahmer, of course) and Usinger's for...brats and beer?
i checked out the dresses and they are absolutely, 100% you. reminds me of the poofy huminska dresses (of which i never bought). i'm jealous you get to design such a cool wedding dress!!
Shana, I am sending you a pic of one of her cutest dresses ever. I want it - though I plan on wearing my fave red shoes, so it won't work. Still designing in my head. Will order after Flower Show....
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