Kvetch of the Day: T-Day
THE EIGHT EDICTS OF THANKSGIVING
1. The following three foods ("The Trinity") must be available for consumption: turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes.
1a. The turkey should be set out whole for a pre-determined period of time before hacking it to pieces and slapping them on a plate.
2. No disposable dishware, flatware or dining accoutrements of any kind are to be used during the meal. Only children under 36 inches may be given paper napkins.
3. Pigs in a blanket are banned within 50 yards of the meal.
4. Any individual caught with a can of cranberry sauce will be confined to the backyard without a coat for a pre-determined period of time.
5. Spanikopita is not a permitted food unless one or one's guest is Greek.
6. Pre-dinner cocktails and/or wine must be available before, during and after the meal.
6a. Those individuals who choose to partake in the legal consumption of alcoholic beverages must not be shunned, hidden from view or branded with an "A".
7. Those individuals who do not appreciate the Georges de Boeuf 2005 Nouveau Beaujolais will restricted from having it.
8. Obesity and those guests with BMI issues will be banned as conversation topics on the way home.
Any individual found guilty of disobeying any of the abovesaid rules will be stoned to death.
posted by Oy Vey at 6:25 PM
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