W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> Moi, Toi, et VoI: Canary in the Mines.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Canary in the Mines.

As this divorce thing slowly but surely comes to a close, I've realized that I've made a huge mistake.

Someone should have told me that I was completely crazy to think that I could make supporting myself on my business a reality while going through this break-up. The Canary is pretty much self-sustaining at this point: I can pay my bills and my people and keep it afloat. We have a good product, and I think a good concept, and things are chugging along at a steady pace.

But the truth is I can't wait much longer to start making money off of this venture. I can't pay myself enough at this point to pay for my personal expenses. And there aren't enough hours in the day to take a 'real' job and keep The Canary going at the standards that I want it kept. I have already racked up a hefty tab on my share of the marital assets. There's pretty much nothing left except the car and cats.

I need the car and the cats won't go for much on craigslist.

It really looks like I may have to sell it. And I'm utterly heartbroken about it. I've had a lot of low points over the course of the past year, but this is definitely one of the lowest. The Canary is my baby. I don't need to tell y'all that. I would hope at least that someone would buy my baby and I don't need to kill it. But then again I can't imagine someone else owning The Canary because that would mean they own a piece of my soul.

I know I'm being melodramatic, but I know anyone who's put any amount of effort into anything they're passionate about understands what I'm saying.

I can barely think straight, much less speak, write, or bake anymore. I think I will drink scotch and watch porn now. Or use my laundry quarters to play video poker at Sal's. Or watch TLC and do some Friendster Friend purging, a long overdue task.

I'm sure I'll be back in a bit once I'm comfortably drunk. And I'll tell you all about it.


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