Moi, Toi, et VoI

Pistachio cake.

2010-06-14T11:11:00.001-04:00

Pistachio cake.
Originally uploaded by threecatsinphilly

Oh, This Is Really Getting Pathetic. I'm Hating Myself More Every Day.

2010-04-29T19:47:00.004-04:00

Still depressed.

Made the horrific mistake of spying on Mr. X's photo website. Happy shiny faces of people I once knew who I guess never really knew me then and really don't (care to) know me now. Dumb dumb dumb.

Not that I miss the guy. Or the relationship. What it truthfully comes down to is that I have far fewer Facebook friends than I would if I hadn't kicked him to the curb. Oh well. At least no one's counting.

But that's not even why I'm depressed. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. Too much responsibility. Too many livelihoods riding on my success.

While I haven't by any means abandoned the idea of selling The Canary, I have retooled my plan: to sell Canary 2 with licensing arrangements. I actually have the perfect person in mind to buy the place and take over the shop. I dropped it on her like a hot potato in the middle of the work day. She was surprised and excited, but, for good reason, needs to think about it. We're going to talk on Tuesday about this. If it doesn't work out with her, I will pitch the same thing, but to strangers, and with higher licensing percentages.

SFG and I are trying to hatch a plan to sneak off to Nantucket for a few days. It's a bit of an asspain to get there, but lodging is free, we can bring Ernie (plenty of room in the Subaru!), and do some Internet-free grillin' and chillin' in the quietude of the pre-Memorial day stampede. Let's hope for sanity's sake it works out, because the Klonopin prescription is running out fast (helping the heart palpitations immensely).

We ask Ernie if he "needs assistance" getting up the stairs. I need assistance.

Does Not Dignify a Title.

2010-04-27T21:35:00.003-04:00

Tonight is the Eve of Canary's fourth anniversary.

Hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was bitching about opening up, about crazy staffing issues, about wanting to sell....

oh wait.

Never mind. Regardless, I shed tears at this moment. And I couldn't for the life of me tell you why. I'm just so sad. According to my grad school books, some people get depressed at big moments in their lives; it's the change that saddens them. It's the hoping for something better than what they actually have at this point. When things are jangled, some people just can't deal.

I don't know what it is, but I am certainly very sad, and please forgive any typos because they are hard to see between my contact-less eyes and tear-blur.

Maybe I should blame it on my mother. She has not come up to ever see the accomplishment of Canary 2. Maybe that is why I just can't absorb it as an accomplishment. Instead, it was a stupid rash mistake that if I were smart enough to see ahead, I would have never dared such an idiotic move. Then again that is who she is and I am an adult and should know and accept that by now.

Maybe I should blame my father. Enh, why bother. The dude's a tool. Not even worth it.

But mostly I blame myself. Why can't it all work out just right? What's the matter with me that I just can't get it right?

I feel like an abject failure. I don't care what you say. You are just being nice. You are just trying to make me feel better. But I haven't done what I could have done and that is failure.

Tomorrow is going to be hell, despite the cornichon eating contest, which will be fun, until they try and get me to speak to the mike. And then I will shrivel and stutter and it will make me feel worse.

Oh geez. I can't even stand to read the words I write.

All Things Must Pass.

2010-04-22T23:12:00.004-04:00

Ok, so it may seem like it's outta left field to y'all, but I think I'm gonna sell The Canary.

I've been thinking about this for a while. This is not a rash decision. Trust me on this. I need to chew on this stuff in my head for a while before spitting it out to the world.

You've read previous posts; you know I am tired, weary and poor. And that's the gods honest truth. I've had enough worry. I figured after this Food Network thing airs will be a good time to put it on the market- sell the whole kit and kaboodle, let it GO. Relief from anxieties on lots of fronts sounds fantastic.

I had dinner with another recently divorced friend tonight (Hoof + Fin = very good!), who lamented how financially ravaged the women always are after a divorce. I realized at that moment, the amount of stress I have been under for, literally, the past four and a half years straight- emotionally, financially, psychologically, the whole kit and kaboodle.

Nothing sounds better than just letting it all go, in a nice, calm, Zen-like manner. Letting another take what I've built and make it even better. I'm too tired and frazzled to want to tweak and shape and help Canary grow at this point. Being a cog in a larger operation, where the responsibility of the viability of ship does not fall on me, sounds like a dream vacation.

I feel good about the decision. I've had a good run, I've done a really good job at a pretty hard task, and it's perfectly ok to pass the reigns on to start something new. And honestly, I am so bored with what I do now, it makes me punchy. I will never be one of those IBM'ers For life. Never ever ever ever.

So, anyhoo, it's all good. We'll see what happens. Maybe I will change my mind tomorrow, but in the meantime, if you know anybody who wants to buy a cult bakery with two fabulous locations, a funky logo and a loyal fanbase and wholesale clientele, lemme know, k?

Sad Songs Say So Much.

2010-04-17T20:25:00.005-04:00

I've had enough.

After this Food Network thing happens, I'm going to try and sell.

No no, nothing traumatic has happened. It's been eating at me for a while now. I am burnt out. Burnt to my core. Crisped.

I'm a bit depressed, I think. SFG says you can't tell on the outside (though you might notice little leaks of it if you are paying attention), but apparently I don't act on the outside how I feel on the inside, which includes but is not limited to supreme exhaustion, heart palpitations, insomnia with or without Ambien, constant anxiety, and of late, some lady-related issues I won't get into.

Running a business is a 24/7 job. And believe me, I do not get paid for 24 hours a day. Out of pocket 'benefits' are sucking me dry. Yes, I do get certain day-to-day freedoms, but in the grand scheme, I am more tied to this business than any of you who can quit tomorrow. And I am jealous.

Being the boss means boundaries. And I have gotten quite good at creating boundaries with staff after getting burned by being too close when I first opened up. But now I am lonely. I am Boss Lady. I've worked so hard to create a really good work environment for my employees (which I'm proud of because it is one of the harder aspects of my job) but I can't take advantage of it in the same way as them. It's no joke: it's lonely at the top. Most of you have peers at work and they can become your friends, good friends if you're really lucky, but that's not possible in the same way for me as it is for you.

Waah. Bartender, hit me!

I figure after Food Network airs would be the best time to put this shit on the market- sell the whole shebang- logo, recipes, shtick...after all, I think the real value in this business is the Canary that I have built, not the spaces (though both are really good in their own right).

Then I can get a real job and have anxiety about it at a normal level, not a cardiac one. And on Saturdays and Sundays I can play at the end of the rainbows and feed the lavender unicorns clovers and elven tea. It will be beyond lovely.

How Many Licks Does It Take....

2010-04-13T21:54:00.003-04:00

So we're having a Cornichon Eating Contest* in a couple of weeks to promote the Canary's Fourth Anniversary of Opening**. It will be in the Central Chamber*** of The Circus.

So far we have two male contestants who competed in Wing Bowl, a female Ivy college student who competed in a cake eating competition in camp, a female who wants to cross a competitive eating challenge off of her bucket list, a guy 'who can eat more [cornichons] than you could ever dream of', and an aspiring drag queen. It will surely be amazing.

We are extending the deadline application until Friday because we would like to get a few more options contestant-wise and a couple of media outlets have offered to promote it a little longer.

You up for a little stomach expansion? The prize is a cornichon a day for an entire year of your God-given life.

Oh, it's going to be great! It will go down in cornichonerie history!

* Trying to keep it anonymous here.
** Still trying.
*** Trying too hard?

Let's Go Outback Tonight.

2010-04-12T21:37:00.007-04:00

The Jetta is dead. Long Live the Subaru!

The car overheated and it was going to be $873 to fix whateverthefuckitisthistime, so we carefully drove it over the bridge to the Cherry Hill Subaru dealer and put it to rest.

I felt as if I was taking the old but loveable cat who has tumors and peed on the carpet every three weeks to the vet to put her to sleep. I was actually a little wistful about it as I saw the flatbed come and take it to its final resting place. Subaru was even generous enough to give us a Ben Franklin in trade-in value.

We bought a two year old Outback with 11,000 miles owned by a 93 year old man. It is in pristine condition and is 'Metallic Deep Bronze', though some may call it 'brown'. It is functional, ever so slightly sporty and RELIABLE. Me likey. Old Man also pimped it out with one of those Put-It-In-Reverse-And-Go-Beep-Beep-Beep sensors and rubber thingies on the door edges so you don't nick your car when you throw the door open with your good leg. And it has a cargo rack on the roof- presumably for the handy Rascal, but we can use it for Billy bookshelf system transport just as well.

Now, the question is, which bumper stickers will go where?

I need to save my material for another post, so I will tell you about the Canary cupcake eating contest tomorrow!

Three Things That Have Really Made Me Cranky Today (T.T.T.H.R.M.M.C.T.).

2010-04-07T23:33:00.002-04:00

1. I woke up at 3 am this morning, like most mornings, but this particular morning I was haunted with the fact that Pernod hasn't paid me for an order in December. Migrained and insomnolent, I 'pen' an ever so slightly nastygram to my contacts there.

2. I yell at the shoeshine at The Circus for sexually harassing my baker. Then convulse with angry shaking at management for not doing anything about it (Have I mentioned the laundry list of disgusting things that they do on a daily basis? We are keeping a log; email me.)

3. Baker calls out for Friday more than implying it is my job to find coverage for their shift. As stated previously, I cover for you if you are dead.

It makes perfect sense I am wound up and cranky at 11:30 at night.

Finding A Sweet Pair of Shoes is More Often Than Not, More Fun than Easter.

2010-04-04T22:26:00.004-04:00

Had a perfectly fine day having Easter Ham, fine chardonnay and observing an Under Five Easter egg hunt.

Not my favorite holiday by any stretch, as I'm not a particular fan of breakfast foods, large amounts of inexpensive sweets, or the resurrection of Christ, but today was okay. No complaints for the most part.

Granted, a full fledged, full bodied adult conversation - without or not pertaining to children of any kind - would have been a nice asterisk to the day, but that is my own exhaustion talking, nothing more, no offense to the seersucker swathed toddlers present at the event, of course.

Saturday evening, however, was a blissful few hours spent with the bestest girlfriends a girl could have. Mwah mwah SWAK SWAK. I heart you. You know what a damsel needs and I love you for it.

Friday, I had earlier gotten notice my early morning baker was going to be out on a diabetes medical call (can't say no to that, less someone lose a toe and that would be bad), and the late morning baker texts me asking if I really need her because she has, ya know, stomach trouble.

I hereby declare I Will No Longer Be A Stupid Pushover. I Do Not Work For You Unless You Are Dead. Otherwise Find A Substitute. Or You Are Fired.

Have I mentioned that I have been getting this coldy-fluy-viral sickness every four to six weeks for the past year and a half now? And I am now in the throws of one of these episodes? It's awful, it throws the workweek off if I don't put in the time. But frankly, I am just exhausted. I haven't had a day off in weeks. And I can't remember the last time I had two days off in a row. I think it was early January when I went to Chicago.

In September, my doctor told me to use the neti pot through the new year and if my colds didn't abate, to come back and she would take some tests. I have been using the neti pot, and while I do believe it's made the 'episodes' less bad - and when I mean 'bad', I mean being on the couch for three days straight feverish, congested, coughing and/or vomting. I mean bad.

I have no doubt it's nothing more serious than stress. I think a trip for a mani/pedi and fancy lunch would do more wonders than some blood test screening out Epstein-Barr. Maybe I'll just skip it.

Wednesday's Amusement.

2010-03-31T12:36:00.000-04:00

Don't Hate Me Because I Am Going To Be On Cable TV.

2010-03-29T20:19:00.002-04:00

They called! They called! Theycalled! They finally called!

Food Network called and they have scheduled taping of my segment on May 21. At Canary I. Holy crap.

Canary 1 Louis Vuitton ZERO. Fooshizzle!

It Is So Not The Sincerest Form of Flattery, Are You Kidding Me?

2010-03-28T21:11:00.004-04:00

For starters, I need to warn you, I've had this migraine marathon for the past five days- the whole kit and kaboodle: neck and head pain, nausea, severe light and smell sensitivity, exhaustion. Thank you, Spring; Every year you and I have this little showdown and you usually win. I've been doped up for the past 136 hours on my prescription migraine meds and Benadryl and it's made me a zombie, though a zombie with manageable symptoms so I can deal. I just haven't been myself and I've got stuff to do dammit, so enough already.

We moved our junk over to the house. Yay! SFG has taken some serious ass initiative and started unpacking, painting trim, and even cleaning out the backyard of the abandoned PHA house two doors down. He surely feels way more accomplished than I. I feel accomplished that I haven't thrown up.

Speaking of vomit, those bastards down the street have yet again blatantly ripped off The Canary. This time by selling the same exact three cookies that we sell. W.T.F. is that? I will be the first person to admit that those particular cookies are common type American cookies, but the fact remains that they are the same exact three cookies that we sell. And they are exactly three blocks away from Canary I and Canary II. It's just seriously annoying that they are so uninspired and so incredibly lame that they feel compelled to sell the same exact three cookies that we sell. And that we have been selling since 2006. I mean, if you're going to copy us, at least do it with a modicum of stealthiness; don't launch your cookie trifecta out on Facebook in one fell swoop! Like people won't notice? Like they won't see the desperation and sweat on your brow? I just don't get it. At least throw some dried cherries or macadamia nuts in them to give them your own Louis Vuitton flare*, for chrissake.

Ok, that rant just used up all the energy I had left, so I am signing out until this beast goes away or my head falls off.

*They call themselves the [insert high end iconic French designer label here] of cupcakes. Oh please, girlfriend.

They Really Didn't Want to Go There.

2010-03-21T20:11:00.002-04:00

So today I discover that the new cupcake shop that opened up equidistant between my two cupcake shops has a new flavor - the Baloney Sandwich Cupcake*. The Canary has been making the BSC since it's inception in 2006. In fact, Martha herself ripped off this cupcake after she summoned me and I brought her three boxes of different cupcakes and then viola! one year later, she comes out with a cupcake book- with pictures of my Baloney Sandwich Cupcake.

Now, Martha I can handle ripping me off. There is something slightly flattering here about the Queen of Tarts deciding something you've created is good enough to rip-off.

But this new cupcake shop, well, they have no shame. And they have no skills either. All of their cupcakes are covered in fondant, are minimum $4 a piece and look like a home baker went nutso on the Wilton decorating catalog. Long story short, I think their stuff looks amateurish and lame, and considering what they spent on that chandelier and those Victoria Secret-cupcake cases, you'd think they'd have a better sense of chicness when it comes to they way the cupcakes actually look. Ah well, comeuppance will surely come, in some form or fashion. And not necessarily by me.

(I think I might have mentioned how someone hacked their Twitter account and Tweeted porn? Oh, I can't get enough.)

In any event, The Canary is now offering two kinds of Baloney Sandwich Cupcake. Check our tweets for more info.... Small children shouldn't play in the sandbox with the big boys. Heh heh.

*Of course, it's not really the Baloney Sandwich Cupcake, but I'm trying desperately to be anonymous here and if I told you the real name of the cupcake you could reverse-google me and find out everything about me and stalk me and find my door unlocked and kill my dog.

I'm Not Expecting to Grow Flowers in the Desert, But I Can Look and Breathe and See the Sun in Wintertime.

2010-03-15T20:55:00.008-04:00

I have succombed. After 11 years with TMobile (I have the world's oldest SimCard, for the record- my original Omnipoint Simcard from 1998!) I have done The Deed and Switched. To AT&T and the wonderful oh-how-I-can't-wait-to-have-it-in-my-clicky-painful-thumbs iPhone. I spent over an hour and a half trying to 'port' my 7+ year old 917 number to the new service. I'm not convinced I got anywhere with it, but I won't know for sure until I actually activate the phone when I get it - in one to two weeks. WTF- can't they, like, wifi it to me or something? Like, put it in the replicator and transport it to me? Amazon Prime it maybe? Ok, I must wait. And I am sure I must wait for an extra few days because they will only send it to my billing address (home) and I am never home, so I will at some point in the next six months, pick it up from the UPS depot on Oregon and Front. In any event, I can't wait to relieve my thumbs of their overtime duty and be able to redeem my Groupons from my (i)Phone. How fuckin' cool is that?

Oh yeah, I won't be able to pick up my iPhone TOMORROW because of the goddamn City of Filthadelphia and their completely outrageous potholes, which have, for the third time in five years, ripped the oil pan off the chassis of the Jetta. Absolutely inexcusable. Close your libraries! Close your public pools! But fix the freaking 2 foot deep potholes that scatter Center City like the wholes in the damn budget! Goddamn! Dammit! Thank the gods for AAA, is all I can say, or someone would be getting a black eye.

Did I mention I made one of my bakers cry this morning? Please- I am a very easy going boss, a natural teacher, but if you act lazy or stupid, and you are not, in fact, either, I will be hard on you. If I get on you that means I like you.

Poor Baker, who is young, and tries hard to please, and is smart and funny and wonderful generally, has been a wee bit lazy of late. She forgot to order some essentials for this morning and basically made a pan of brownies unusable.

"Don't make me come in here on Sundays or I will be really cranky!"

So I made my banana bread cupcakes and announced my departure.

The poor thing volunteered to pay for the brownies she fucked up. Tears welling up in her eyes.

I almost welled up at the point. I also wanted to laugh - not at her - but because I wasn't as mad as the poor dear thought I was. I guess I am scary because I am the boss and I am old.

"Well, stop crying. It's not a big deal. You won't do it again, right?'

Shakes her head.

"Well, that's what's important then."

Nods.

Poor poor thing. I am such a witch.

Did I mention that the buyer of SFG's condo is having a snafu with her mortgage? UH OH. I am trying not to panic. In fact, for a change, I am being the rational one: I'm sure she just didn't get her shit in on time, no worries, just pester her for the pro rated difference with the closing date change. She is a lawyer, after all, and every lawyer I worked with was a procrastinator. Really, I'm sure it is just a hiccup.

It better be a hiccup or I will vomit.

Meanwhile, we are painting the living room at the new place...The mess is starting to get to me...

and more mess....mess....I am, by nature, not a neat freak, but geez Louise...
...Even Ernie's pissed off at this point...
Please don't call Animal Control. We'll get it cleaned up. Soooooooon. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Misc.

2010-03-10T19:06:00.006-05:00

I am trying very hard to keep up the momentum and continue to blog, but I am exhausted and my attention is partially consumed by Wife Swap, from which I cannot look away. So please forgive the choppy nature of the following post.

I'm a total sucker for stuff that smells. In fact, on Sunday, I sneaked out of the Flower Show to CVS and sniffed the shower gels for 15 minutes just to detox. It was a lovely, much needed respite from the throngs.

(I like this word, throngs.)

However, I'm sorry, but the Special Edition Bic Soleil Razors with Scented Mango Papaya Handles? Really? I don't understand the appeal here. Are you supposed to sniff them while you are shaving? Between strokes? I don't capische this. Someone explain.

(Yes, I did buy them.)

****
I was passing someone at The Circus today, and he said "Pardon me, white girl."

****
Someone came up to the Canary counter and asked if this was the Amish bakery.

****
I think I have developed Blackberry thumbitis. My thumbs click painfully constantly now. This is not good. I need my Blackberry and I need my thumbs. Perhaps switching to the iPhone will remedy the issue.

****
Check out the fascinator I ordered from etsy for the wedding!

(I do love the word 'fascinator'.)

....Dreams Stay With You....Like A Lover's Voice...'Cross the Mountain Side....

2010-03-05T20:24:00.005-05:00

Hello! OMG back so soon! I know you weren't expecting me, no worries. Please- don't bother straightening up, my place looks ten times worse. I'll just fix myself a Hendrick's g & t and sit myself down...

If you perused my Facebook page today, you will see that I have the Chinese national anthem stuck in my head. I can explain this. It all started with In A Big Country, which I admit I listen to more than I should on the old private iPod, and there's a certain bagpipe riff that sounds like one particularly catchy line from the Chinese national anthem. No, no, not from the Olympics do I know this, but rather from a lighter with Mao's picture did I purchase in Shanghai that plays that freaking song every time you open it did I catch this catchiness....and it just morphed from Big Country to whomever that genius was that developed that catchiness...anyway...please help me, because I am stuck in Scotch-Chino purgatory and I can't get out! HALP!

Maybe I am particularly crazy because we are at the tail-end of The Flower Show. FS is THE convention at The Circus. It is the largest convention that comes to Philly by far (and the largest indoor flower convention in the world, for what it's worth). All this means eight days of middle-aged Mainline women asking for "just plain tea" and their brownies cut in four- all day long. Cat sweater/turtleneck combos like.you.have.never.seen. Imagine the toll this takes on my people, my friends.

I have to say, however, that the crazy quotient hasn't been as high as past years. The worst was (and we are keeping a list, mind you) a woman who was flossing her teeth while ordering cupcakes. This is petty, almost unmentionable shit compared to some of the daily dealings with the bus stop psychotics with which we deal. Nothin'. Small potatoes, ladies. Bring it on, Flossie! Just Purell before you hand me your two-dollar bill, k?

In any event, I am damn tired. These women are needy and exhausting. The constant flux of people- and having to explain- over and over again- what is a San Francisco brownie* Or what is my favorite cupcake. Or when was that pot of coffee brewed. Or do I have a salt packet. Or soy sauce. Or where can one get baklava. Or do I have ice. Or soy sauce. Or a spoon. Or what kind of pizza am I cutting. Or where are the napkins. Or can one get a wet cloth with which to wipe the counter. Or weren't we on FoodTv, no they are sure we were. Or what kind of cupcakes do we have. Or what is the lavender cupcake like.

Lord, please grant me the serenity not to punch someone in the face. Because I am making a boatload of money right now. And punching someone in the face probably wouldn't make me more money.

Please god, I beg you, never let me grow mom-hair or pleated, tapered chinos.

I swear no one in Sweden wears pleated, tapered chinos. They must be illegal there. Or at least so socially frowned upon, no one has the desire and everyone is esthetically responsible and shops at H&M. Maybe I will retire in Sweden.

*People clearly do not have the desire to read signs.

Long Lost Ulysses.

2010-02-27T21:02:00.006-05:00

Ok, so I watched Julie and Julia last night and felt all bloggy and sentimental and whatnot. Last week or so, a reader stopped by Canary 2 and mentioned that I hadn't blogged in quite a while. So I feel I owe it to you, dear invisible/non-existent readers and to myself to detox/exhale for a moment. What a good excuse to drink some wine and turn on the iPod whilst I pen to thou.

Damn. It has been a while. Sorry, My Two Readers. Maybe you have gone too. Nonetheless, I am writing to you, Vast Universe. You do not have to respond, nor even read this. It's just a good thing to unwind and hell if I just need to do it. I've missed you, Blogspot. Long story short. Waah.

So. Where to start. This could be one very long post.

SFG and I have:

moved into my/our house in GHo, but I think you already knew this. His condo finally is under contract which means we will finally be able to purchase this place from Mr. X and Me- I know, a semi-complicated transaction, but I can't help thinking this sort of thing must occur all the time- an ex purchasing a property with the New One from themselves and their ex, yes? Hopefully all of this legal shit will go smoothly and we will get a nice rate on the mortgage. All that paying bills on time thing hopefully wasn't for nothing.

set a date for the wedding! Yay and so much more exciting than real estate legalities. October 23 at The Palomar, here in Philly, of course. Will you come? I promise if you read this and contact me through another email than the one listed in the comments section, I will send you an invite. It is sure to be an actual wedding that is fun. We are having that Beatles cover band (shhh!) and my dress is short and I'm wearing red shoes* and the wedding invites look like 45s (shhh!). The festivities are punctuated with a honeymoon in Maui, well, for SFG and me at least. Can't wait, because, literally the only way I can relax is to physically be 1000s of miles away from The Canary. Hence New Zealand! I love you, Martha! xxoo!

And while we are discussing the wedding, I will add - and only because this is a blog that no one is actually reading - that I am, yet again, disappointed and sad that my own mother is so self-involved that she acts like she has no interest in the fact that I am getting married or moving on with my life for real for real post-Mr. X or any of that.

"Hi Mom, we set a date for Oct 23 at the Palomar!"
"Really? That's great! ...I'm at Tuesday Morning with a bunch of junk in my cart...."

Sigh. Really, come drink my wine. Eat my grouper. Dance to a little help from My Friends. Congratulations would be nice but are most definitely not expected. I will just never get her. We are the Tori/Candy of the Southside of Chicago. har har har. Why is it that I continue to expect? And expect? And expect?

....as opposed to SFG's mom, who is so incredibly excited about The Wedding that she wasted no time, and I mean no time whatsoever, in emailing Daximus, my MOH/DPP** with all things OyeySFGNuptials-related. Which is actually a really nice change of pace. Dax, if you are even reading this these days god help you and thank you, but really, thank you for everything you've done and are about to do in the next eight months. Which I promise won't be much but will still be eternally appreciated. Hugs and kisses.

SFG's Mom is very concerned about what the colors are, because she doesn't want to clash with the colors. The colors...the colors...the colors....I told her as long as she didn't wear hot pink or chartreuse I was sure she was fine and should wear what makes her feel beautiful. Appropriate response, because honestly, I didn't know what else to say? Colors?

Canary 2 is going well. We did a Groupon which boosted sales at the second location considerably. Will I keep it after the year lease? I honestly don't know. It was a lot of work to put together, but it needs to make some money to make it worthwhile and frankly, I don't bake cupcakes to make people happy, I bake them to make money, so. We will see. I am no longer romantic about creating cakes to make people smile. I am NOT Meryl Streep in that new sap-monster movie where she gets divorced and then regrets it, or whatever **** This triple net thing sucks, that much I can tell you.

Not having to deal with a lof of the normal commercial lease shit at The Circus that I do at Canary 2, I have come to appreciate The Circus a whole lot more. I actually have quite a bit of leeway at The Circus. I have been there for 4 years withouth a significant lease increase. There is no triple net.*** I am on the Board, and that actually kinda sorta means something in the little universe that is The Circus, which means I can help out those other vendors who don't think anything they do has matters. Those bastards know I am not fucking around. Capische? I just really like that word. ha. Lease isn't up til September, so I've got some time. I still don't know how I feel about this Garces joint opening up across the street....

Hmmm...what else to tell you? Maybe I better call it day, spellcheck and let this bastard go out to the universe. But I am truly enjoying this time with you, me, my blue iPod, and blogger. I don't want to let it go just yet. Especially now that I know that no one is reading....

...so by the way, what was with those Russian ice dancers? Have a modicum of tact, why don't you? I may have a tattoo of a Maori cupcake dancing, but geez, it's not like I display it to 300 million people while I'm competing for a gold medal or anything. Geez.

What else to tell you, Silent Universe? It's really all been about selling/buying the house/condo, Canary 2, and wedding stuff. The funny thing was that SFG and I were really in this rut because we were waiting for that damn fucking condo to sell (can you glean my feeling about that fucking place? Don't even get me started!) and we felt we couldn't plan the wedding until the place sold because shit, we couldn't pay for that damn Beatles cover band. But we went to look at the Palomar and just loved it and decided to go for it on Thursday, and on Friday, literally, someone put an offer on it. It was like the Universe had decided to play chicken with us and we won. It was super cool. So you better come because it's going to be fun. I will make damn sure of that.

I hope you hear from me soon.

*I don't care if anyone knows I'm wearing red shoes. I don't think they'd be surprised, honestly. I vaguely recall Shana Maidel mentioning her mom saying a woman who wears red shoes is loose, but I will chalk this up to an old school Southern thing and let it go. I love you, Shana!
**Designated Point Person
*** triple net - when the leaseholder pays a portion of the landlord's property taxes, liability insurance and other shit therewich they designate one pays because you are their bitch because you have signed your first born away should you break the contract.
**** I do not even wear pearl necklaces when I go in and bake*****. And I promise you, dear readers, no baker worth their salt, is going to roll out, by hand, a fucking croissant. Do you hear me? We all buy them frozen and bake them off- hence 'fresh-baked'. Capische?
***** Pearl earrings, yes.

Can't Win 'Em All.

2009-12-10T21:14:00.002-05:00

My mother did not thank me for the turducken I sent them.

I thought it was a practical, yet cute and thoughtful gift (considering they live in the South and h-h-h-ate it). But what do I know.

All she said was they got it. Sigh. I should be used to this by now.

Turducken, anyone?

People are Animals.

2009-12-02T20:40:00.002-05:00

I am upset and unfuriated. Clearly, that is why I have been inclined to blog, because at this point, it would take nearly Hell freezing over to get me to blog. But anyhoo, hear me out. Because I'm rarring to go.

SFG's sister took her dog to the pound today. After having this poor thing for well over a year (longer than we've had Ernie). I am incensed.

Three days ago, she said she was going to take the dog to the pound because she'd had a "three strikes" rule for the dog- who bit people three times in the past 18 months. I give you the biting part, but no blood was drawn -ever. Have I mentioned this dog had been passed around like an old rag doll because her former owners decided to move to Amsterdam and didn't find a proper home for her? So, nice enough, SFG's sister takes her in 18+ months ago. Obviously the dog has anxiety problems (who wouldn't?, being tossed around like this?), but obviously she's not scary enough to send back straight away... But the pound? Where a 12 year old dog is sentenced to die the minute she walks in?

Sister has had enough with dog after this long and is taking this 12 year old dog to the pound. I volunteer to take her in, I volunteer to help look for a rescue), then, too little too late, poor dog nipped again, and off to the pound. I got the text this morning. Grr...

Clearly I am on the dog's side here.

How do you take a pet to the pound after over a year of living in your bed? I truly don't understand.

I firmly believe that 1) when you adopt an animal, you commit to an animal; 2) that an animal's behavior is more likely than not, the fault of the humans who've owned the animal and 3) you don't send an animal to die when someone is trying to find the animal a loving home. Show some effing responsibility for the dog you've chosen to let trust you.

I guess I view pets differently than some. Growing up an only child, in the home that I did, pets were a godsend; they truly made childhood tolerable for me. I owe the dogs and cats of my youth my sanity. I respect them and love them for the unconditional and perfect promise of love, loyalty, and trust they offered me.

And it just breaks my heart to see that trust broken. I don't see how a human being who takes in an animal isn't responsible for that animal. No creature should be tossed in the trash like a piece of garbage.

I am horrified.

HELLO HELlo hello is there anybody out there?

2009-11-22T20:09:00.002-05:00

Holy crackers it's been like forever since I've posted. I'm sure I've lost 7,999,996 of my 8 mill+ fans and I apologize for disappointing, but damn, life has been busy and I've been too scattered/crazed/depressed/desperate/broke/crazed/ashamed/thrilled to post.

So, I'll fill you in as best as I can...

1. Canary Too is open for business! We are doing well. It really has been a dream come true- a cute little spot that I can decorate and sell whatever the hell I want and be open whenever I want and be my own boss without anybody else looking over my shoulder telling me what to sell, how to sell it, when it sell it, and how much sugar to add..it's been awesome, what can I say. If you haven't seen pix, facebook me or check me out on flickr.

2. More Canary Too. It's all been about Canary Too. And making sure Canary I can keep up the pace.

3. We've moved from SFG's condo to my house in GHo. It is lovely but we are living without furniture because the condo must be "staged" for potential buyers. I'm going crazy with this living situation. Not having any soft place to hang my hat, smoke a doobie and watch Bridezillas in comfort is psychologically crushing. This is going to end soon or I may have resort to something drastic. We've made the decision to move our junk from the condo to the house by the end of the year. Good feng shui, it seems, to have our stuff settled by 2010. Am I right?

4. More Canary news: We are in this month's issue of that famous woman's magazine- the really annoying one, not the one you necessarily love to hate. Check it out.

5. Have I mentioned that I am really really exhausted? Waah waah whine whine.

6. My holiday shopping is 90% complete!

7. Considering a staff party at Yakitori Boy for Christmas. Being almost 35 doesn't necessarily render you completely unhip and boring.

8. Ok, YOU HAVE TO SWEAR NOT TO TELL ANYONE but....a certain food competition show called me out of the blue and asked me to interview/apply for their next season. I can't say anything else because I signed a confidentiality agreement under penalty of caning, but I promise you, unless you live in Bora Bora, you know this show and it's awesome, and if I get on it, I will totally freak the fuck out. Must wait and see. If I get on the show, I will not be foolin' around, people. It will be insane. Fingers and toes crossed.

9. Shhh...I just bought the 5th gen iPod. My 4th is at Too so I don't have daily access anymore and besides, the Camera Obscura binary numeral tracks are bound to be worn out by my baristas playing them every single freaking time I happen to walk in, so it was a business expense, totally justified, of course. This fucker has a little radio on it! And it will tell you what song is playing! Go Princeton Radio ! Now I can listen and know what I'm listening to! Techmology!

10. Please email me and tell me you are reading. I will tell you the really crazy stuff then.

Waah.

test post from the blackberry

2009-09-30T22:27:00.001-04:00

The big difference between having a baby and starting a business is that you have immediate expectations from the business.

Xanax.

2009-09-24T22:10:00.005-04:00

Holy crap, it's been so long since I've blogged, even blogger doesn't recognize my email automatically anymore.

Sorry for the quietude, I've been seriously stressing. Spending money like World War III is happening tomorrow.* Patio furniture, plumbers, licenses, posties, random shit I can't even account for anymore. And tomorrow is another shopping spree - Ikea/More Ikea/More More Ikea, booze, cheese, random cafe-related shit. Potter's grave, save some room, please, because the ice flows are melting fast.

So, II is opening up on Monday. Yay, yay yay! You've missed a lot, lemme tell ya. Yet there is still so much to do, I'm not even kidding. I haven't slept in 4 weeks. Even with Ambien. I am a zombie who needs relief.

Tomorrow night is the opening party. Expecting 50-60 people, maybe more? Most probably more. I have no clue. People have no idea how to respond to Crusher invites, which is my bad, but whatevs. In any event, the place looks super effin' cute, like you'll want to buy a cupcake there and tell your friends about it. In any event, it will be loads of fun, and if you're in the hood, stop by and have a drink and a cupcake or three and check out the digs. I think you'll like it. Unless you're like, totally, mean or something.

Oh yeah, and Jackie the Psychic is coming with her smudge. Nothing wrong with good vibes from all sorts of places.

We will be in Daily Candy next week, but I won't tell you what day, because then you'll know who I am. Har.

I am going to attempt sleep.

*Whoa, You, Me and World War III just came up on the iPod. Weird, right? Remember that ancientness. I don't even know where it came from.

Only Because I Love You, Christine.

2009-09-04T19:05:00.003-04:00

I am really not of sound mind and body right now, but filling my time filling in this blogspot window is probably better than

biting my nails to the quick.
drinking
shooting meth
watching Housewives of Atlanta.

The condo is SPOTLESS/OCD style. Wanna buy it? Awesome "upriver views", EIK and a parking spot. Please? We must subsist on Stouffer'ses and make the bed everyday and DO-NOT-USE the decorative soap that's in the soap dish I specifically bought for staging purposes until you do. So please? Email me and I will send you the MLS.

Have I mentioned that Ernie has the most brilliant comedic timing and pooped on the rug immediately after the carpet cleaners left (just like the last time the carpet cleaners left a few months back)? Large bowls of cat food do not sit well with digestively sensitive canines.

Canary II is chugging along. Hoping to open a week after Labor Day, if the gods feel like granting me some sanity. Or if the City is feeling generous enough to be kind to a borderline functional over-stressed under-somnamblic with a fuse. this. short. I can't even discuss it right now it is stressing me out so much.

Have I mentioned that I am eating Skittles in bed at this very moment?

Have I mentioned I had the first live phone convo with Mr. Ex in over two years last night? It was time we catch up and discuss logistics of me moving into/purchasing the house with SFG. It was not a bad talk. We chatted for over and hour. The kitties that he won in the custody suit are doing fine, though they've had a lot of dental work done recently. Apparently Abbys are notorious for bad teeth. Who knew? Anyway, the severe anticipatory anxiety preceding this talk was, by far, way worse than the actual talk. Which I already knew in the quickly diminishing segment of logical, sane brain that keeps my teeth and hair brushed and right shoe on right foot, etc.

I think I feel a Skittle under my pillow. An orange one.

Christine, I'm very excited about 99 Luft Balloons. Do not let me down.

my left hand

2009-08-13T19:16:00.002-04:00

is responsible for this post. please forgive typos and lower case. its better than SCREAMING AT YOU.

surgery went fine. 'vascular tumor' was what they removed, pathology report will confirm. thank you facebook wellwishers! i love each and every one of you. your kind thoughts were especially regarded as my own mother forgot but whatevs. we have a bit of a tori/candy thing going on.

not having a useful right hand has posed obstacles in everyday living, e.g. clipping a bra, opening a percocet bottle, tampon installation, etc. sfg has been a patient right hand man, tampons notwithstanding.

ok. you may or may not hear from me before we leave for nantucket on monday. but if i have your address, ill mail ya a transcribed postie.

xxoo.

It Feels So Good When I Open My Mouth.

2009-08-08T22:00:00.003-04:00

SFG and I went to see Joe Pernice at the Tin Angel tonight.

When it came to my turn for him to sign my book (that is so not my thing, typically, just for the record), I said (and I quote), "I first heard you on on Janeane Garafalo on Air America. You are my musical hero."

Was that lame?

Seriously, that was lame. But whatevs. We're allowed every once in a while. He is just so adorably nebbishy in a Cape Cod nerd sort of way. He's all Woody Allen Southy style. It's just irresistable.

Then I bought a reusable grocery bag with the Subpop logo on it. And Joe's new book for the Nantucket. One week til vacay! yay!

Zonked.

2009-08-04T13:10:00.002-04:00

We got over 150 resumes for a crappy counterperson job we posted on craigslist this weekend. 80% of them were garbage ("Hi, please tell me where this job is and call me back asap."). I think it's time to take the post down.

So, yeah, I'm a little busy these days. Working on Canary II constantly. Have to get the checkerboard flooring in there asap ($1000 for installation? Are you effin' kiddin' me? What- do I look like a stupid woman or somethin'?). And I (accidentally) bought five tole chandeliers on ebay for it. Oh well, a few of them can go in the house...

...sigh...The tenants have given official notice, and they will be out by October 1 (which is better than September 1, I suppose), which means we are packing the junk portion of our stuff and sticking it in storage until we move to the house and can put it back in its rightful places.

The movers come next Monday. My stigmata op (Martyrdom is so so hard.) is on Wednesday. We need to get as much stuff done as possible between then and Monday, when we leave for Nantucket. Canary I is closed all that following week thank god. The mixers need a rest. Big time.

Find of the Day 237.

2009-07-31T13:48:00.002-04:00

For the powder room at Canary II.

WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ouch.

2009-07-30T20:23:00.003-04:00

Waah!

Surgery on my hand scheduled for August 12 to remove the "mass in right palm". Waah. At least I will be 'moderately sedated', that is, I will, according to the waiver, not likely remember much and they will drug me sweetly before inserting myriad needles into and fileting my mitt. And PeopleCat arrives that night from Chicago, so I will, no doubt, be in the partying mood.

The two good things about the impending doom:

1. The surgeon is the main hand surgeon go-to guy to the stars, er, the Philadelphia Eagles, Phillies and Sixers, so I am in, er, good hands.

2. I cannot do dishes for two weeks. It's because of the bacteria in the dishwater, of course. Shana Maidel suggested 3 weeks. I totally trust her professional opinion.

I'm Cranky; Whatchya Gonna Do About It?

2009-07-27T20:06:00.002-04:00

People in general are annoying me lately. If you read this blog, you are most likely not one of those people, but to hell with the rest of you.

Deuce is going going. Almost finished painting. I think I may have a heart attack if crap doesn't get cleaned up and cleared out so I can finish up with the black and white tiling in there. All of my equipment is coming by the end of this week and the place is still a minor disaster. Let's not even discuss the fact that the lump on my hand is preventing me from assisting in the expediting of this process. Jesus Christos.

Since we are about to put SFG's condo on the market, we must have it 'model home' ready at any given point in time now. And I just had to order (at the realtor's behest (sigh)) a custom made knock-off Karlanda slipcover from Sweden for better feng shui purposes (and the fact that Ernie hair shows up, and yes, it is Ernie-colored). (Yes, this is, literally, the only place you can get slipcover for a discontinued Ikea sofa on the planet.).

And I have an appointment with the hand surgeon on Thursday who will probably stick that nasty needle in my palm and extract a gelatinous fluid that leaks from the tendon and cannot absorb back in the body naturally (Yes, I've been reading too much WebMD so help me god). But this effer hurts and we've gotta do something with it. I am at at 78% capacity with a bum dominant hand and it's making me very cranky.

Hiss.

Hands Off!

2009-07-23T19:05:00.002-04:00

I have this unidentified lump on my right palm. It hurts when pressed, which has made using tools difficult. I've been doing a lot of painting at Deuce and I've had to hold the brush like a pen and lemme tell you, that seriously hurts after 450 square feet of that kind of maneuvering.

My doctor thinks it is either a ripped tendon sheath or a cyst on the tendon. I have an appointment with a hand surgeon next week to take a look at it.

Oh, just thinking about the phrases "my hand" and "surgeon" make me woozy to think about. I do not like my hands or feet poked, prodded, pulled or otherwise fondled in any way. I scream like a banshee when my mom puts acupuncture needles in my hands. And those needles are nothing like the needles that they show on WebMD for aspirating palmar cysts.

I can't even think about this without my eyes crossing. I will sign any forms waiving claims against Jefferson for general anesthesia. They will at the very least have to give me a Valium drip and lay me down flat because I will not last long with a 172 gauge needle in the palm of my dominant hand. I can't even think about the possibility of the knife.

I think I am going to faint.

Unplanned Asskicking.

2009-07-22T18:52:00.002-04:00

Have I mentioned the new space is on the same block as Planned Parenthood?

This morning, while I was fiddling with those horrid new parking meter kiosks from Hell that make me feel especially stupid, two old guys with signs that said "Contraception Hurts Women" started tag team-whaling on the Planned Parenthood 'bouncer' while he was trying to escort a poor soul into the building. The oldies managed to drag him into the street, all the while the bouncer screaming "I'm being assaulted! Attention! I'm being assaulted!". Then the cops came. Like two squad cars, an ambulance, and another three on bikes. I must have just missed the horse and the Segway.

I have some really good cross-promotional marketing ideas with PP using those little plastic babies they put in king cakes, but I won't go there.

Find of the Day.

2009-07-21T19:16:00.000-04:00

Labor of Love.

2009-07-19T20:52:00.003-04:00

Good evening ladies and germs!

Sorry I've neglected ye, I've been busy as sin jumping from Canary I to Deuce and everywhere in between. We've had staff changes, accountant appointments, PGW/PECO applications, and godhelpmeIonlyhopeIgetitalldone!

Deuce is coming along. M and I went shopping for fabrics for the picture window bench and corresponding pillows: oh, holy cuteness...we're doing 8-10 different pillows in different shapes, sizes and fabrics. I've got Space Age go-go girl, cheetah print, polka dots, '50s ladies' suits weaves, plaid moires, Chinese brocades...oh, can I tell you how freakin' gayborhood adorable this place is gonna be? Dang, am I excited.

I'm in the (continual) process of (t)arting the joint up. I am always looking for cool stuff to grace the Celestial Lyndhurst walls of Deuce. If you're feeling creative and funky and want some cred here in Philly, send me some art! We'll put it on the walls and give you props, dig? Right now, I've got a whole lotta 'canary' art, but cool, colorful, fresh and fruity is always accepted.

Cheers!

This May Sound Mental, But...

2009-07-15T16:16:00.001-04:00

I LOVE the new WC sign for the shop I bought on etsy.

Serenity Now!

2009-07-13T19:54:00.003-04:00

Just when I thought things were interesting and juggly enough, I got word that my tenants in the house that Mr. X and I own are moving out September 1.

September 1 happens to be the target date for Canary Deuce opening.

Lord, grant me the serenity...yada yada...

SFG and I are doing our damndest to move into the house, but I'll tell ya, as much as I am very excited about the prospect of 'coming home', so to speak, the thought of doing it simultaneously with the birth of Deuce is enough to turn Golda Meir into a dribbling, giggling banshee.

What this all boils down to is putting SFG's condo on the market and being prepared to move out in, oh, say 7 weeks or so. All the while attempting to sell my first born to PGW to get gas service at the Deuce. It is a lot to digest. In fact, I am feeling quite nauseated at the moment. Like I just gorged myself at the Southern Italian restaurant down the block. And then I ordered dessert.

Please Don't Gouge Your Eyes Out Out of Boredom After Reading This Post.

2009-07-07T18:51:00.006-04:00

I feel supremely accomplished today.

I

- finished painting the main interior ('Celestial Lyndhurst').
- picked out the stainless steel tables with which to create our fresh and sleek wainscoted cashwrap and condiment bar.
- caught up on ugly QuickBooks inputting.
- picked up the Interceptor and Frontline from the vet.
- got on the ball with insurances for Deuce.
- ate three gigunda maki(s?) from the El Cheapo Sushi Joint.
- unloaded the dishwasher.

Believe me, if I actually had something interesting to report, I would. I'm not holding back for the sake of salivation/anticipation/being evil.

PeopleCat Says It's "Freakishly Perfect".

2009-07-06T15:24:00.001-04:00

The Best Part Is that It's All Tax Deductible.

2009-07-03T22:32:00.008-04:00

omg I am having so much fun!

This morning I took Ernie to Bonejour and I found this effin' adorable Orla Kiely knock-off dog collar*.

I was so inspired, I bought a new laptop bag.

And since I was on a roll, I bought a bunch of interesting "Canary-related art" that will go on one particular wall of Deuce!

Oh Etsy! I love you!

*OK, the dog collar was BY NO MEANS tax deductible.

Odd Yet True. (And You Thought Four Celebrities Dying in a Week was Weird.)

2009-06-30T21:55:00.003-04:00

This morning in the car, SFG said that if I came across the bag of human hair whilst rifling through the trunk, I could throw it out. Rabbits do not like human hair. Eco-tip! They won't touch your garden if you spread it around. I can't say I'm particularly fond of human hair myself. Especially when it is your neighbors' hair from the salon down the street. Or on a piece of soap.

***
Purchasing ugly fruit in Britain has been de-regged.

***
Fight at the Circus today! A pickpocket slugged a guy in the face! Ok, that's not so weird for the Circus, but it's unusual generally speaking.

I Should Play the Lottery...?

2009-06-27T15:50:00.003-04:00

Lease is signed! I am committed. It is so freakin' exciting!! Designer M and I took some serious measurements today which means I can submit my application to the health department this week. Gotta get this ball rolling! Yippeeeee!

AND

Rachael Ray's people called me yesterday. One of our brownies is going to be featured in the Best of section of the December issue of the magazine! Let's hope there's no stealing of ideas, unlike some other celebrity chefs and they're unethical methods. Check out You-Know-Who's new cupcake book for some really nice, though credit-less photos of some of The Canary's cupcakes.

This is too much goodness in one day. Now who's gonna die?

Much to Do About Everything.

2009-06-23T19:54:00.002-04:00

Ta daa!

Isn't it cute?

The current outdoor space will become an indoor addition within 6 months' time. Yes, that is a community garden right next door.

Lease will be signed and sealed within the next two weeks, godspeed. I've already got anthro-designer friend on the ball with regard to the decor. Oh, it's going to be cute. It is really and truly a dream come true. Ho-lee Krakau!

Yesterday Was Just This Kind of Day.

2009-06-17T16:28:00.002-04:00

Last night we tore the place apart trying to find a bag of money that the carpet cleaner appears to have stolen. Then Ernie pooped on the rug. It was sort of a twisted version of Gift of the Magi.

Caught on Film!!

2009-06-14T19:21:00.002-04:00

Ernie having his way with Mr. Berzerker.

Cafe Diem!

2009-06-12T16:30:00.005-04:00

Sorry I haven't called/emailed/faxed/telepathasized. I've been crazed. I am hedging my bets I will be in one of three places in eight weeks' time: cardiac unit, mental unit, or jail.

Canary TOO (Is that what I called it last time?) is starting to morph. The space is in great shape, totally manageable and zoned for cafe use already. Now I'm just trying to run the numbers. I think if I don't take this opportunity, I will be sorely regretting it in a year's time. This is what I've really always wanted to do. And walls! I'll have walls! Real plaster walls on which to hang pictures of canaries and shelving units with mason jars filled with different colored sprinkles. Oh! And maybe even a chalkboard! Or better yet- I'll paint the walls with chalkboard paint!

***
I had jury duty earlier this week. I learned quite a bit about the process, but way more so about Juror #34.* And I heard from a secret source that the prosecutor used one of her throwaways to get rid of me!** This is in part because I told the judge that I could not, would not, put anyone in jail over a minor drug offense. So there. The court crier came by this morning to buy some brownies and tell me that, after I was excused, the judge asked the bailiff if he had my address on file. And his court laughed. Ha ha. Then the crier said they were just kidding. Really, they were kidding. I should say.

***
Last night at wine school, someone brought in a bottle of 1949 St. Emilion that they had found in the basement they just gutted. 1949! And it was alive and kicking and seriously, the single most interesting glass of wine I have ever had - and probably will ever have - in my entire life. How cool is that? Next week is the last class on Pomerol and we will be indulging in a 30 year old bottle of Lafite. This is also way super deluxe awesome, but not quite as charmingly awesome as a found bottle of 60 year old Bordeaux that had been tucked away in a wall of a Philadelphia house for god knows how long.

***
Daximus and I had a lovely dinner at Little Fish on Wednesday night. One of the best fish meals I've had. I usually find fish at restaurants rather disappointing because good fish is expensive and it is usually served relatively plain, with a lemon wedge and some sauteed spinach or whatnot. But the halibut was tarted up with some truffled fingerlings and fava beans, and the crab and scallop apps were singing.

***
Speaking of singing, I am so freaking excited that Camera Obscura is coming on June 22! Yay yay yay! I was so sorry I missed them last year and now they are back. SFG is coming; I didn't have to twist his arm one single degree, either, which was weird considering his reaction to the Franz show (which, by the way, was really great. Even ancient Turkeyboy loved it ("They're kind of like The Who.")). I'm getting a ticket for Dax as well, with the hopes that I can lure her down the block for a couple of hours of awesomeness. Yay yay yay!

* Divorced, Northeast Philly, Executive Secretary, self-described 'liberal Jewish woman who doesn't know what it's like to be black'; taught line dancing for many years, but found teaching lonely; dumped by best friend for a date on her 40th birthday; always writes a real handwritten letter after using the Internet; feeds the ducks every morning; and espoused her opinions on the following: Iraq: No! Israel: Yes! Michele Obama in sleeveless shirts: Yes! Veal: No! Foie Gras: Of Course Not!

** I shall not identify this source because I doubt it's kosher to do so.

What the Deuce!

2009-06-05T18:23:00.003-04:00

Still in talks re The Cantankerous Canary DEUCE.* I think it's a go - as long as the landlord keeps his word on being cool and flexible regarding the lease/rent. And I think he will because he has this totally amazing beard that only cool and flexible people can get away with.

This is all very exciting. I've already started spying on the competition. I've never worked in or owned a coffee shop so there is a lot to learn here. Having gone through the process of opening a food establishment in the City of Philadelphia definitely puts me ahead of the curve (still rubbing those battle scars with L&I!), but I plan on going into this with a cool confidence and certainty. Or as my therapist suggests, I should act like I am going into this with a cool confidence and certainty.

I know what I want. Please forgive the following sentence fragments: airy and bright. light lunch fare (a couple of soups and a few cold sandwiches and possibly paninis). throw a bone at the vegans (ha ha) with some fakin bakin or soy-ken salad and whatnot. full espresso bar with syrups, iced and (again the soy!) soy option. Perhaps the shtick will be amazing grilled cheeses...I do love me a rockin' grilled cheese. Besides, the cafe down the street has this peanut butter and jelly thing going on already. Mais oui! The Deuce will have fresh baked scones, cookies, cupcakes, brownies etc. etc. from the famous Cantankerous Canary located several blocks away...It could be great.

Now comes the fun part of visiting every interesting coffee shop I can find and spying on them. What do they serve? Is it good? What equipment do they have? How many choices do they offer? Hours? Location? Positives? Negatives? Vibe? And mais oui! what desserts do they offer?

Fun stuff! Scary stuff. Fun stuff! Scary stuff. Fun stuff wins!

* Do you love CC Deuce? Be honest. I do, though SFG positively ha-ha-hates it. I think it's funky and edgy and funny and an homage to The Philly, yo, and all its jawns. Dig like, man? .22s and 40s (which apparently are also called deuces?) like yo, white girl? wanna come back to my crib for sum wudder and Birds and a stromboli? Har.

Sometimes You Have to Hit the Bottom to Work Your Way Back Up to the Top, Yes?

2009-06-02T18:58:00.005-04:00

Within minutes of applying to Pei Wei for an Assistant Manager position, I got a call from a business acquaintance who recently purchased a building and wants me to open Cantankerous Canary TOO in the retail space on the first floor. The location is awesome - in fact, it is within two blocks of the other location that I was looking at in the fall. Within the hospital sprawl, about five blocks from The Canary. He would really like to see me in the space and offered me a pretty sweet offer to get in there. And he doesn't want 1/2 of my business interest like the last person who offered me a space. He just wants to be a regular, normal landlord. And I can be a regular, normal tenant.

Must do some Zen-itating on this and get back to you...

Two Memes in a Row is a Bit Much, Oy Vey, Dontchya Think?

2009-06-01T12:03:00.002-04:00

What is your current obsession?

Jon and Kate no doubt. Who isn't? I'm simply riveted by the Pennsylvania drama, in part because it is a local phenomenon here in PA, in part because they seemed like they had it together. Is she a raving bitch? I'll concede she is, but someone better keep those 8, or 9 if you count Jon, kids in line. I will also concede that Jon is 'greasy' (Thank you, PeopleCat, for the descriptor) but he has pretty green eyes, don't you think? Can't wait to watch TMZ tonight.

What is your weirdest obsession?
I love plaids of all shapes and sizes. Classic tartans, funky spin-off plaids, retro plaids, modern plaids. If I could get away with wearing multiple plaids together, I would. I am also obsessed with good cheeses, mostly goudas, but triple cremes are nice too.

What are you wearing today?

Green scoop neck, floral print skirt from Urban Outfitters circa 2002, black Merrells. I am usually wearing something green (in addition to my green glasses). I love a nice bright, classic rainbow color green. No hunter green though.

What's for dinner?

Dunno. It's 11am.

What would you eat for your last meal?

A 'Fiery Rooster' stromboli SFG brought home last night. I want to die this morning.

What's the last thing you bought?

Excluding the iced coffee this morning...? A pug-wearing-crown keychain from the ArtStar Craft Festival on Penn's Landing yesterday.

What are you listening to right now?

Family Court with Judge Penny and the dryer.

What do you think of the person who tagged you?

Martha is a fabulous human being. Pity she's on the other side of the world. I'd drink wine with her and purchase cute stuff from her shop all the time. xxoo!

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

Amsterdam, of course. On the Herengracht or Prisengracht. I'd take the pad they had on America's Next Top Model in a heartbeat.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Iceland! I can't get a soul to go with me.

Which language do you want to learn?

I would like to finish learning French. I can pick it up a bit and barely get by whenever I go somewhere Frenchy, but I'd like to have the confidence actually have a conversation with someone that doesn't involve bodily necessities.

What is your favorite colour?

Greens. And blues that are in the wedgwood/grey family.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?

Oh, it would have to be my Andrea Moore cocktail dress in the most terrific shade of blue-green that I dragged back from New Zealand.

What is your dream job?

One of those people who show brides and grooms around a potential wedding venue. Piece O Cake! Or a recipe tester or food stylist.

What's your favourite magazine?

Harper's. Yes, I'm a nerd.

If you had £100 now, what would you spend it on?

The most adorable black heels I saw at Benjamin Lovell last week. I wish I had a picture.

Describe your personal style?

Sloppy but clean. Downtown clothes worn in an uptown way.

What are you going to do after this?

Clean out the fridge and look for a job.

What are your favourite films?

Oy. Goofdfellas. A Christmas Story. Harold and Kumar. Little Children.

What's your favourite fruit?
Raspberries.

What inspires you?

People who can get up over and over again despite being battered and beaten.

Do you collect anything?

Sick animals. Scotches. Shirazes. A-line skirts with prints.

Your favourite animal?

Cats. I wish I could have a cat farm.

What are you currently reading?

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz.

Go to your book shelf, take down the first book with a red spine you see, turn to page 26 and type out the first line:

Three years after his father's death, Nusswan married.

By what criteria do you judge a person?

By their chill-ness and ability to get snarkiness.

What skill would you like to acquire immediately?

Sewing a-line skirts.

The rules:
1. Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, add one more question of your own.
2. Tag eight other people. Tagging, with love: I don't read 8 other blogs and some bloggers I was going to tag are already tagged, so you'll just have to deal: Monkey and Christine.

I hope I don't have 40 years of bad luck for not tagging 8. And I didn't add an extra question either, rebel I am.

Meme Fit for an English Major.

2009-05-28T14:56:00.003-04:00

Shamelessly ripped from Lara via Flurrious via Monkey or something like that.

1. What author do you own the most books by?

Philip Roth for a total of 10.

2. What book do you own the most copies of?

I own 3 copies of TimeOut Amsterdam (different editions). Does that count?

3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?

Not really. I figure blogwrite is like speaking aloud. It has a different, more fluid set of grammatical rules.

4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?

Apparently the arrogant, neurotic/orally fixated protagonist in all of Roth's books. Additionally, I'm going to steal Rob from High Fidelity from Lara as well.

5. What book have you read the most times in your life?

Probably Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (assigned in high school and have read it many times since) followed by Portnoy's Complaint (college senior thesis). And probably The Chronicles of Narnia as a kid. Before I knew it was a Jesus parable.

6. What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
The Chronicles of Narnia mos def. And Harriet the Spy. And Are You There God, mais oui.

7. What is the worst book you’ve read?

The Kite Runner. Oh yeah. Someone oughta be waterboarded for people having to endure the torture. Ta ta da!

8. What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?

Hmmm...I really enjoyed The Russian Debutante's Handbook. Funny, well flushed out with a nice amount of pop culture references and snark.

10. Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for literature?

We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. Mandatory read for anyone thinking of having children. Or not. That book haunts me to this day.

11. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?

We Need to Talk About Kevin.

12. What book would you least like to see made into a movie?

We Need to Talk About Kevin. Because they are sure to snip it into little pieces and that will be too frustrating to watch.

13. Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.

Can't say I've ever had a dream like that. I haven't been remembering my dreams lately but I've been waking up with this awful snappy kink in my neck and it hurts like hell all day long.

14. What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?

Hmmm...Clan of the Cave Bear.

15. What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?

One Hundred Years of Solitude. I couldn't keep track of the people and I was just not into all that dream imagery. It bored me to tears. And took me nearly 100 years to read too. Ta ta da!

16. What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?

Couldn't tell you. Too obscure.

17. Do you prefer the French or the Russians?

French. Nicer food, nicer booze, nicer terrain, nicer style, nicer quality of life. Besides, I'm Lithuanian, it is in my blood to hate the Russians.

18. Roth or Updike?

Updike! You thought I was going to say Roth, didn't ya? I'm over Mr. Orally Fixated at this point in my life. Rabbit at Rest is one of my favorite books. I cried at the end.

19. David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
Eggers to read. Sedaris to hear read.

20. Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?

Shakespeare, but only because you've given me Milton and Chaucer as my other choices.

21. Austen or Eliot?

Austen. I haven't read enough Eliot.
.

22. What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?

The DaVinci Code. Ta ta da!

23. What is your favorite novel?

Pnin by Nabokov. It's basically the same story as The Wrestler (saddest, most depressing movie I've ever seen, Sophie and Schindler included), about a lonely wash-up who just can't get in the groove of the human race. My love for that book comes from the same place as The Girl on the End Pew...

24. Play?

Ack. I don't know. Something David Mamet? In 1994, I went to a party at his house that one of his kids threw. Friend of a friend kind of thing. Pretty sick brownstone!

25. Poem?

I don't like poems.

26. Essay?

Ah Lara, 6 to 8 Black Men - totally hysterical. Good call.

27. Short story?

Or is that a short story?

28. Work of non-fiction?

I don't read a whole helluva lot of non-fiction, but I just finished The Fois Gras Wars and that was very interesting. Deer Hunting With Jesus was pretty good too.

29. Who is your favorite writer?

Do I have to pick one? Updike, Nabokov and Oates.

30. Who is the most overrated writer alive today?

J.K. Rowling. Sorry! I mean she's good, but the gig was over after book four.

31. What is your desert island book?

Desert island book meaning something to read on the beach? Or something that I will have no choice but to read?

32. And … what are you reading right now?

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. It's got a lotta Spanish/Catalan words the Kindle can't define, so I feel like I'm missing about 15% of what's going on but whatever, it's pretty good so far.

Horror of the Day.

2009-05-27T17:00:00.003-04:00

Awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Mother Always Said Don't Let Your Hard Drive Get Lupus.

2009-05-26T20:26:00.005-04:00

Crikey what a weekend!

Friday night my trusty, dependable little laptop decides to give up the ghost. I brought the still warm carcass to Springboard Media on Saturday morning. They tried to resuscitate it, but to no avail. So now I am the owner of a quite lovely yet unexpected new MacBook. Unfortunately, however, those adorable Springboard nerds could only retrieve a pinkie finger's worth of the data that was on my old hard drive.

Springboard Nerd: "I could only get A through H. Up through Hollies. I tried to get Revolting Cocks and Thrill Kill Kult but there's a padlock on that data."

Me: "Oh, that's ok. No prob."

Springboard Nerd: "When I saw that, I said to the guys, 'Don't you remember Ministry?' and the looked at me blankly. I tried to retrieve the data. But I just couldn't."

Me: "Really, that's ok. I'll live."

I thought this was ok, since I was pretty good about backing up photos and music on an external drive, but alas, I discovered that I had not, in fact, been backing up any of it at all. Which means 400+ albums are sitting on a fried hard drive and only retrievable by a tedious $400 data extraction. Not to mention all the priceless photos. Oh. Why. Didn't. I. Make. Sure. I. Was. Backing. Up. Where. I Thought.

Oy. Oy. Oy.

On Monday, we went to a bbq at Lara's and poor Ernie almost got his face ripped off by a friend's dog. Everyone was playing nice and then all of the sudden, horrible dog noises and Ernie's head was in this large dog's mouth and he was screaming and the big dog wasn't letting go. He got a lump on his head, a bloody ear and a bloody mouth, but he is fine.

In fact, he had a internist appointment today anyway, so I made sure the vet checked out his battle wounds. Turns out, in addition to the immune-mediated polyarthritis he has, he has also been christened with glomerulonephritis. We still don't have a firm diagnosis as to why he has these conditions, but all things point to something auto-immune. He basically has lupus, people. My pug pretty much has lupus.

What I Wouldn't Mind Being When I Grow Up.

2009-05-20T20:30:00.002-04:00

Chef/Researcher in a test kitchen.
Event Coordinator.
Restaurant Manager.
Paranormal Researcher.
Internist.
Sommelier.
Psychic Medium.
Psychic Medium with a tv show.
Psychoanalyst.
Clinical Psychologist in a state mental facility.
Gift Shop Owner.
Professional Oboist.
Food Writer.
Travel Writer.
Arty Crafty Writer.
Flight Attendant.
Foreign Ambassador.
Critic.

Holier Than Thou.

2009-05-17T12:08:00.002-04:00

I had a Curb Your Enthusiasm moment yesterday.

I was standing in line for the bathroom at the Circus. One woman was in front of me. All the stalls were occupied except for the handicapped stall. I asked the woman if she was waiting for a free stall.

"Yes."
"That one's free," I said, pointing to the handicapped stall.
"No. That's for wheelchairs."
After looking around for the hidden cameras, I said, "There's no one with a wheelchair in line...?"
"There might be."
"I'm just going to pee, not take out a mortgage in there."

Actually I didn't say that last part, but did I cut in line ahead of her to use it.

I had no idea that there were actually people out there who believe that the handicapped stall is exclusive to people with wheelchairs. Is it just me?

And They're Off!

2009-05-14T20:01:00.002-04:00

The madness has officially begun. I bought a notebook devoted to Planning The Wedding. We checked out our fist venue today - a lovely boutique hotel on Washington Square with a really fantastic caterer (top priority here!). Theoretically, we could rent out the whole hotel (15 rooms) for the night, which would be totally fantastic. Our guests could simply stumble upstairs after a raucous night of Beatlesmania and braised short ribs. Doesn't that sound like fun? Will you come?

XXX: The Canary's First Erotic Cake.

2009-05-12T16:57:00.002-04:00

Lupus!

2009-05-04T20:46:00.003-04:00

I took Ernie to the internal medicine vet specialist today. He tested more extensively for tick diseases, where Ernie's blood is sent to North Carolina for testing (results in 2 weeks); for LUPUS (lupus!) and other autoimmune diseases, took his blood pressure, which is a more complicated process for animals that uses a Doppler radar than the standard human cuff, and also put him on an ACE inhibitor (turns out he is slightly hypertensive and the medication does also help glomularnephritis, the kidney issue he has). He still doesn't know exactly what's wrong with him, but I feel like we are on the right track. He goes back in three weeks to follow up on the medication and have (another) abdominal ultrasound. We may end up living in a cardboard box under the Ben Franklin, but at least Ernie will be healthy! Poor poor puppy. He is so cute it hurts to look at him sometimes.

I Told You It's Like a High School.

2009-05-02T17:33:00.002-04:00

By far, the entertainment highlight at The Circus yesterday was when the General Manager, with a bullhorn, announced the winners in a Circus gift certificates raffle and the grand prize went to a "Jack Mehoff", submitted by a certain person who works at a certain shop.

Priceless.

The Cycle of Life.

2009-04-29T21:54:00.004-04:00

I apologize for my slightly psychotic, slightly drunk rambling the other night. I take back the delivery but not the general message. Sigh. I will never satisfy myself. That sounds dirty. Oh well, you know what I mean. Enough wallowing! I took the staff to Lolita last night for margaritas and tasty Mexi-fusion and all had a good time. And that's good enough for me.

Tomorrow is a busy night so you may not hear from me. Before wine school (Advanced Bordeaux class #2!), Mme. Mimolette invited me to an 'industry party', which sounds heinous and normally I wouldn't attend, but there will be people there who have connections to jobs in exactly the right places, so I must wear lipstick and a pencil skirt and turn on the chatty charm. Which doesn't sound too bad. Everyone there will no know everyone else there by name at the very least, unless they have already fucked or done coke together. Very classy, we foodie types. Indeed.

I am sad to report that my adorable little blue square Nano is no longer with the living. After calling Apple, who assured me that, while the stupid thing is no longer under warranty (bastards!), it sounded like nothing more than a battery replacement issue. So I sent it to ipodjuice.com to have the battery replaced. They sent me a DOA notice today, telling me the logic board is totally fried and it'll cost at least $139.99 to fix it. RIP, little man! I declined and told them to send the body back to me for a proper burial. So I went to Macy's and bought a new GREEN nano from that electronics vending machine they have there in the men's department. I can't live sanely without my tunes. Things are looking up, except for my bank account, but who cares? This little guy shuffles songs when you shake it!

Canaries Like Tequila.

2009-04-27T18:20:00.003-04:00

Ok, first things first. Ernie is back on the doxy and is almost back to his former playful self. Those antibiotics take away the pain and stiffness every. single. time. He goes to his specialist next Monday. Wish us luck!

Second on the list...

...tomorrow is The Canary's THIRD BIRTHDAY. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. Oh they grow up so fast. I'm taking my peeps (and Turkey Boy, he is our mascot after all) to Lolita for dinner and fresh squeezed margaritas (it's BYOT. Nice!). It will be a nice dinner - especially because no one despises anyone else at the table, thank the good lord.

Oy, do I have senioritis. I've been looking for jobs (no production! I will not do production - at least not for someone else), but not much luck so far. I'm still doing everything I need to do, but my heart is slowly backing out, sneaking slowly backward, quietly, sneakily out the kitchen door...so if, uh, anyone knows of a food related though non-production job in Philly, shoot me the deets, please. Please.

So anyway, woot woot Happy Birthday. I swear to you, I am totally incapable of celebrating accomplishments. Woot woot. Third birthday. All those things I feel I've failed at just keep popping up in my neurotic brain. It should be better by now! Things should be effing awesome by now. SFG has basically told me I am crazy, and I do feel crazy but not in the way he thinks I think I ought to feel. You know what I mean.

That is all!

Dognabbit.

2009-04-24T21:20:00.004-04:00

I am sad to report that our dear Ernie a/k/a Ernbot a/k/a Charlie Moonbeam a/k/a Little Dude is sick again. Poor little guy is really stiff and limpy and lethargic. Again. This time his front leg seems to be giving him the most trouble and he just flops over when we set him on the couch. We made a vet appointment for him for Monday, but SFG was so concerned about him this morning, they saw him today.

Another round of doxycycline. And the vet insisted we take him to see the specialist internal medicine vet guy up in Langhorne asap. The regular vets just don't have a clue as to what is wrong with the Little Dude. It might be the effects of a long-ago left-untreated Lyme situation, or it could be autoimmune (He could have lupus! I'm not even joking - lupus!), or something kidney-related.

Poor little guy!

Old Country Buffet.

2009-04-22T20:02:00.005-04:00

The Job. The No Job Yet. SFG has "happily taken over the daily operations of the bakery" per my cover letter, and I am in the desperate search for a good job. It's got to be something during which I won't get absolutely filthy, and it's got to be something that is in charge of other people...so, I'm thinking restaurant management....we will see. Obviously, it's a completely crap time to go looking for a job, but whatever. Honestly, I've already kind of checked out. SFG is being trained in all aspects of the biz, so I can go and do something else in peace. Ahhhh...! That sounds so nice I can't even tell you...ahhhh....

***
My nano (3rd gen) has a fever. Meaning it is hot to the touch when it is attempting to charge via the usb port on this l'il iBook. No charge at all. Any thoughts? For the record, may I say I will be more than slightly livid if this effer is broken and barely a year old? Poor sick little guy.

***
Pernice Brothers sold a song for a Sherwin-Williams ad. Weird, because they're a paint company and the song is called "The Weakest Shade of Blue". Kind of like when McCain used that Mellencamp song about how America sucks. Ha.

***
OK! Best part of the post! The dress, aka My Dress aka The Actual Dress I Had Made...right here, right now...It's not in my sweaty l'il mitts yet, but Dolly posted a pic...

Oh...! With the red satin shoes, it will be perfect. Perfect.

***
Praise Be. This stupid Live Free or Die-ish Commonwealth is finally passing a law that will prohibit cell phone use while driving. You can't even be touching your phone while you're driving, people, or the cops will nail ya. I think it's a great law, personally. I'm guilty of driving/texting (city streets, but still) on occasion and now that I know I'll have the book thrown at me, I'm happy to not do it anymore. Kind of funny in a state that doesn't trust its citizens enough to buy and sell booze but does trust it enough to to purchase guns within city limits. Ahhh...

***
We met another pug named Ernie today! And his sister Berta. Ha!

The Iceman Cometh.

2009-04-20T19:03:00.003-04:00

The times, they are a changin'.

SFG and I tagteam interviewed some folks for the open baker positions. Yes, positionS, as it were, because another baker gave notice because she got a salaried job with benefits and all that stuff so who the hell can blame her. She felt really bad about it coming on the heels of The Psychobaker Chronicles, but it's ok. She's going to stay on and work on Sundays, so that's a good thing at least.

We interviewed four people today. The most promising is a young guy, yes GUY, who has a very healthy amount of baking experience and - coolest thing of all - was head baker at the scientist camp in Antarctica! Get it, cool? And we talked about New Zealand because he's the only other person I've ever met who's been to New Zealand, other than New Zealanders themselves, of course.*

My nails look terrible. Now I've gotta get a job. Now I've got the peeps lined up and SFG ready to breathe some new life into The Canary, I've gotta go out there and prove myself to some prospective employer. Gargh. Nerves.

****
I have been sucked back into The Hills again. Please, Patron Saint of Crap TV, please protect my neurons from implosion. I promise to never watch marathons or buy the dvds. I promise moderation. I promise not abuse the privilege of On Demand. I promise to give alms to the poor and say my rosary. Just please don't let my brain die.

* Oops. I just remembered that SFG's dad was also in Christchurch for three days while he was in the Marines in the 1950s.

Your Contribution to All We Did was to Say it was Dire.

2009-04-13T19:40:00.004-04:00

Sigh.

Unfortunately, things have not worked out for my dearest right hand woman. She kinda freaked out and sent me a not-very-nice-to-put-it-mildly email saying I was the worst human being on the planet. And I handled it well -relatively emotion-free- with a polite but sincere "Last check's in the mail. Wish ya the best. Really I do." 3-line reply. I was hurt and haven't slept without the help of Auntie Ambien in a few days but I survived. And I'm a little thicker skinned now fo sho.

Please believe me when I tell you I am not the worst boss/human being on the planet. I seem to attract very passionate people for the job. Hipster Artisan-types. Smart people in their early to mid twenties with lots of piercings and/or tattoos who may be a little lost career-wise, but who, nonetheless, are great and enjoy working for me and The Canary and are damn good at what they do when they put their minds to it. Their passion is great because they love what they do and they put their heart in it and I know it and appreciate it...and then something just snaps and they lose their marbles. I mean, let's be realistic, it's my "company" (it is a company, according to the feds...yeah) is kind of dead end, there's really no going any farther up the ladder at a certain point. It is my business. I am the brains behind it (har.) and I do get all the credit. But I couldn't do it without good quality peeps and 95% of the time, things go swimmingly.

In any event, I do feel bad about all this. But not bad enough to tolerate her being seriously irrationally nasty to other staff and me now. So. It's unfortunate. Truly.

But it's a new chapter, because SFG is now going to start learning how to steward the ship so I can go on to other things before I lose my own marbles in this tedious mouse maze. Mixing metaphors but whatever. I'm so over the girl drama.

What-ever.

Mme. Mimolette is coming over and we are grilling NY strips and eating fancy cheese, Zin, a lovely salad with apples, asparagus, hazelnuts etc. and pasta with kalamatas, Bulgarian feta and sundried tomatoes. Yum. I do not plan on eating anything after this for the next three weeks.

Gossip Girl.

2009-04-09T19:30:00.002-04:00

(Warning: Contains some serious effin' EXPLETIVES.)

The girl drama within the confines of The Canary continues. And I am beyond sick of it. I won't even get into the ridiculous details but it came to my most valuable baker quitting because she "hates" another baker and "everyone else hates her too" and it's "not fair" that she had to give up her shift with the hated baker because she "fucking hates" her and I should never have made the two of them "work it out" because I know how much she "hates her". BLAGH BLAGH BLAGH. Aside from being disappointed in this particular individual, I am just fucking pissed that these catty little bitches can't just work together and be normal, mature adults and leave me in peace.

Since when is this a FUCKING DEMOCRACY? : "We don't think it's fair that [hated baker] gets the shifts she gets. We don't like her."

Since when am I a 7th grade teacher in an all girls' school?: "So and so said this and so and so said that and you know none of us like her so we think it's NOT FAIR." Waah. Stomp stomp STOMP.

Seriously, I cannot take these banshees anymore. I've come up with a novel (and not-so-loopy) idea that I find a more suitable management position (with Starr yessss!) and SFG take over the daily runnings of the bakery. I think he would be a better manager than I would in my own environs.

Only because I take this shit waaay too personally and now instead of making me cry it is seriously pissing me off. Who do these people think they are - meddling in my livelihood like that? NO ONE backs me into a corner with their ludicrous script de Les Miserables! Are you fucking kidding me?

I recognize that this is in large part my fault. I am too soft. I won't go so far as to say too nice, because that sounds self-serving, but really, my big issue is that I am terrified of being disliked. And that is a problem when you are the boss and trying to manage/control/manipulate/coddle/juggle a bunch of personalities. Playing "Cool Aunt" only works 90% of the time when things are going swimmingly; the other 10% SUCKS.

ANYHOO, I've no time nor energy today to discuss

- my new KINDLE 2. It is lovely, I must say that much.
- a possible pending trip to ICELAND with the lovely Daximus.
- Franz Ferdinand song on 90210 when Silver is crazed and lost.
- the freaky Irish dancers with their freaky curly wigs at The Circus this week.

That is all.

Happy Birthday. It's an Intervention.

2009-04-07T20:30:00.004-04:00

The Canary's third anniversary is coming up in exactly 21 days, people. And I have survived. By a string, but survival nonetheless. Nails still bitten to the quick. But still. The only question is how to celebrate. Last year I took the girls to Lolita for a night of fancy enchiladas and fresh watermelon margaritas...but this year it's not so simple. I've got one baker who influences another baker to hate the third baker ...oy, girls. What a pain in the ass. SFG says I should just do something, invite them all to a party somewhere with booze and hope for the best. But my ego fears no one will show up. Fuck it. Maybe I will just take myself to Mercato and let them sort it out on their own. Stupid females.

***
I bought 4 tickets to Franz Ferdinand today. DID YOU KNOW you can buy tickets at the TLA box office for Electric Factory without paying those ridiculous Ticketmaster surcharges? I could even ride my bike right up to the ticket window. The Electric Factory website doesn't tell you this dirty little secret. Shysters.

Anyhoo, since SFG refuses to go, I have invited Turkey Boy, who is looking forward to the outing with 'Queenie' (that's me). I have also invited Madame Mimolette, who is looking forward to watching Turkey Boy in his civies...the fourth ticket is a wild card...this person could make or break our little soiree....who knows...it might be a nice girl for Mme. Mimolette....hmmm?

By the way, I don't know what they put in that album, but I am totally addicted to that shit. I am fully aware of my softspot for toothless pub pop...but I. Just. Can't. Stop. Aural heroin. The album's no doubt got some clunkers, but still...it's just wickedly obnoxiously catchy and fun and it's got some nice funk and some '80s vibes going (Soft Cell on the palette? Divine on the nose?)...I don't know, but it's not healthy, this addiction...make it stop. But don't.

That is all for now. I must get back to Easter lambs and macaroons...Oy.

You Oughta be in Pictures.

2009-04-06T21:09:00.005-04:00

Could be the cover of a Hallmark card, dontchathink?

Small wedding cake with "bountiful harvest" theme from this weekend.

Foolish* Heart.

2009-04-01T18:48:00.005-04:00

This morning SFG woke me up in a panic saying there was a text on my phone from my head baker saying she quit! Huh? Wha? Where're my glasses?

Later on, I went into the bedroom to discover that Ernie had peed all over my phone on the bed! The sheets went straight into the washer, but oh no! it soaked into the mattress! And he was doing so well. Sigh.

April Fools!
April Fools! (FYI: a vitamin melted in warm water looks (and smells?) like dog pee.)

SFG has informed me that it is April Fools' Week.

*What a quirky word. Look at it really hard then say it five times. I love it.

Ernie Snoring vs. 90210.

2009-03-31T21:36:00.002-04:00

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Paging Dr. Freud

2009-03-26T22:28:00.005-04:00

Last night I dreamt I had an exam on the album Revolver for a music class in an hour and I was 45 minutes away from school in the suburbs. I didn't realize I had a test because I missed a bunch of classes, so obviously I didn't study. I don't know why I went out to 'the suburbs' (nothing more specific than that), but it was freakin' tense when I realized I had this test and didn't know shite about it. I was f*cked!

I Have No Excuses, Pathetic or Otherwise.

2009-03-25T19:38:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I just have not felt like blogging much lately. I'll fill you in...

Remember the "I pretty much fucking hate you." interpersonnel issue I've been having at The Canary lately? It has been an ongoing thing for the past week or so and let me tell you! ...in a tiny environment where communication and positive chi are absolute necessities, a catfight (more of a pounce, really) is an emotional drain on all involved. BUT! I think we are all on the right track again and everything is pretty much back to normal. THANK THE GOOD LORD BECAUSE I HATE HATING GOING TO WORK IN THE MORNING. Praise Be! Hallelujah! We're all adults again! Yay! Ok, next!

SFG and I went to Boston to visit my ye olde friend Camille and we had a lovely time. Ernie and her dog got along smashingly. And then we went to see Moz at the Academy of the Arts because a friend of Dax gave us her tickets! Nice. The show was pretty damn good. A-, I'd say. Much better than the Mann last year. Maybe because the tickets were free? Nah, he opened with This Charming Man and you can't get much better than that. Didn't go off the deep end playing from Refusal either, which was nice because I don't know the album though critics say it's up there with Vauxhall (Nuh unh, no way Jose!). Even SFG enjoyed the show; he was particularly tickled by the myriad men who kept jumping on stage to grab at Moz. It re-whetted my appetite for live shows. Franz Ferdinand is coming to the Electric Factory on May 6 and I wanna go. Any takers? I'm buying. SFG has branded them "obnoxious and abrasive" though he concedes the new album isn't so so bad, but he still doesn't want to go.

Ok, I think that is it for now. I am incredibly boring. Nothing much else new on the homefront. Indian food is on it's way and I must prepare! TTFN.

test post from the blackberry

2009-03-19T17:08:00.001-04:00

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test post from the blackberry

2009-03-19T16:51:00.001-04:00

testing 123!

The Dress!

2009-03-15T11:18:00.003-04:00

Champagne satin, white polka dot tulle peeking out from skirt.
More of Dolly here.

Sturm und Drang.

2009-03-13T17:47:00.002-04:00

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a scone cutter!

Having discussed my Beer Garden plan with Baker #3, I decided it probably wasn't the best option, so I told Baker #1 that she needed to talk to Baker #2 and work it out.

Three minutes later I find out that Baker #1 started this conversation with "I pretty much fucking hate you." Things deteriorated from there.

***
Am I the only one who thinks Bruce Jenner is walking dangerously close to the Michael Jackson-nose-about-to-fall-off line?

***
Is Judge Judy getting surlier lately or is it me?

***
Field trip to the Creationist Museum, anyone?

Discussions of a 601st Post (alt. title: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: You Decide.)

2009-03-12T18:04:00.002-04:00

I think I may have finally perfected my mac and cheese. I have been working on this project for years and it's just never quite right. In My Utopian World, mac and cheese is adult-oriented and multi-cheesed (equal parts triple creme, a sharp cheddar, with noticeable pinches of something blue (Montagnolo, Blacksticks Blue) and something funky yet approachable and British (Gloucester, Leicester, Cotswold)). The pasta and cheese should not be dry or gummy, but smooth, rich with a cheesy finish with no curdling (that's the chunky grit you get in improperly baked specimens). It may or may not be made with a roux. The product should be baked and have a crunchy yet not too thick skin, preferably with breadcrumbs. Bacon and dijon are always nice touches. However, any vegetable or flavor accoutrements should be thoughtfully-placed grace notes that accentuate the cheese and pasta, and should never ever take center stage.

This current iteration, baking as I write, contains onions, portobellos, and sundried tomatoes. It has five cheeses, and is topped with bread crumbs and slices of bacon. I will let you know if it turns out. I'm holding high hopes for this one because I've added a secret ingredient: one can of Campbell's cheddar cheese soup, mixed with sour cream, whole grain mustard, chili flakes and lots of black pepper. I'd open the oven and tell you how it's coming along right now, but Ernie is sitting in front of it enjoying the radiation right now and I can't disturb him.

****

I was riding my bike home today and a 15 year old boy screamed "Hey! Your thong is showing. HEY. Your Thong is Showing! HEY! YOUR THONG IS SHOWING."

At least I can still get their attention.

***
Bad or brilliant idea? Two of my bakers do not get along. The tension is fierce. Tomorrow when they are both working, I plan on sending them to the Beer Garden with $20 for 30 minutes to work out their shit. It would work with guys mos def. And seriously, I have not interest in playing drama ref, so why not, seriously?

I Have Survived.

2009-03-09T19:37:00.002-04:00

The Flower Show is over!

Every year, Philly and The Circus is bombarded by busloads of middle aged suburban women who come into Center City (hang tight to your handbags!) to attend the annual Philadelphia Flower Show, supposedly the biggest, most extravagant flower show in the world.

For eight days straight, The Circus is an absolute zoo. It is so crowded that the Circus regulars avoid the joint, so for the meat and produce shopkeepers, it's a wash, but for those of us who sell prepared food, candy, cupcakes, and other high calorie, 'luxury' items, it is a gold rush. You can make in one week what you normally make in a month. It is amazing. And exhausting.

Those Red Hat Society ladies know just how to push one's buttons:

"Is it fresh?"
"Is it fresh?"
"What's your favorite?...umm, no...I want the..."
"Is the coffee fresh?"
"Can you cut this brownie in six?"
"Half decaf, half regular, 3 splendas and skim milk."
"Is it fresh?"
"I need four forks and knives to share our cupcake."

And let me tell you, middle aged suburban females are not healthy tippers.

But we Canary-ites have survived and are all the stronger for it. Hurrah!

Too Sad For A Proper Title.

2009-02-28T18:53:00.003-05:00

You have no idea how disappointed I am that RICK SPRINGFIELD AT THE BORGATA ON MARCH 28 IS SOLD OUT.

I WANT TO CRY.

Just Following the Spirit of the Blog.

2009-02-28T17:38:00.006-05:00

My mother has a very annoying habit of using the following phrase to respond to 88% of anything you tell her.

"I'm making frozen pork chops for dinner."
"Nothin' wrong with that."

"I spent $67 at H&M today and got six complete outfits!"
"Nothin' wrong with that."

"We made $1600 today at The Canary."
"Nothin' wrong with that."

"I'm getting a divorce."
"Nothing' wrong with that."

"I'm getting married!"
"Nothin' wrong with that."

I've become a very forgiving daughter toward my mother in my adulthood. I have put the past in the past and accepted that she is a limited woman with limited emotional resources. Or at least I thought I did. When will I ever learn to just not go there? But then I feel guilty about not sharing stuff that I feel I should...even though I know I will almost always be disappointed by her (lack of) reaction. Gar.

So, mother-readers out there, just a word of advice: When your daughter sends you a picture of her dreamy-supercute-oh,that's so you, Oy Vey!-1950's short flouncy wedding dress, please feign interest. Please don't pretend like you forgot altogether (did you forget?) and then call her to discuss the crappy astrological chart you got from some Cuban psychic when you were in Miami last week. I subject only my closest, dearest friends to such wedding-related assaults, so it's slim pickins there. One should always be able to talk about champagne vs. ivory vs. pink crinoline vs. white polka dot crinoline with one's mother, n'est-ce pas? Am I wrong? But I can't get more than a single run-on sentence "Yes, that's nice. Aren't you going to wear a veil? And how's Ernie?" Am I asking too much?

I was so bummed after speaking to her that I almost bought Kindle 2 as a really sweet consolation prize.

I'm not asking for much from my mother, really. Just the teensiest little bit of interest in those little things that make life so nice. It's so lonely otherwise! And SFG's mom asking me about what my mom thinks about the dress, about this, and about that...well, that shit really doesn't make me feel much better. My therapist and I discussed ways of deflecting those questions so I could still stay true to my own feelings yet not throw my mother under the bus ("Well, my mom's just not that kind of mom." Very smooth, Dr.! Nothin' wrong with that!)

So here I am in all my glory, in my 35th year, still kvetching about my mother. I'm not sure it ever stops, these mother issues. But believe me, I'm not losing sleep over this. I accepted a long time ago that family does not necessarily give you what you need and want automatically. Family's usually been a pain in my ass, which is why my friends are more like my family anyway. Just sometimes you wish things could change for a moment and your relationship with your mother could be totally unfussed and normal for five minutes so you could feel a little bit loved.

(I am ending on this note for extra emotional effect! Waah!)

Hack hack! Sneeze!

2009-02-24T17:41:00.001-05:00

Stuffy head, fever, chills, painful cough, snot, body aches from Friday morning until Monday afternoon. I am now well-versed in all movies Lifetime.

It just turned into a regular cold today and I was finally able to go back to work.

The Streets of Philadelphia.

2009-02-18T16:58:00.004-05:00

Yesterday at The Circus, I saw one of the 'ladies' who works at one of the fish markets begin to unbutton her pants as she made her way to a free bathroom stall. She was also wearing a plastic apron at the time. If you email me, I will tell you which fish market.

****
You know that South Philly/Chicago/LA/Boston hairdo where they plaster down their their bangs with vaseline? I spied it on a two year old girl.

****
On the subway, a woman was pushing a stroller with a two year old in it saying in a singsong I'm-Talking-To-A-Baby voice "He was retarded, wasn't he? That man was super-retarded! Yes he was!"

****
One of my bakers was on Passyunk Ave and saw a gaggle of adults chasing a little person down the street trying to take his picture.

Bigger Than Bullet Points.

2009-02-09T18:48:00.006-05:00

Amsterdam
Amsterdam was, as it always is, absolutely lovely. The perfect combination of charming quaintness, social progressivism and Nordic functionalism. SFG and I had the best time basically doing not much else than wandering, eating, smoking weed, shopping, and wandering. I bought a skirt and a cute little wool hat at My Favorite Store on the Earth. I want to move there. I think SFG would too...because...

Marriage
...We got engaged! On the plane over. The flight attendants and a Russian nesting doll were involved and then they announced it over the loud speaker when I said yes. How freakin' cute is that? Then some drunk Dutch people came over and handed us a scroll made of USAir placemats with best wishes from the entire plane. How really freakin' cute is that?

We aren't discussing concrete wedding plans just yet, but I have thrown into the hat the idea of having this fabulous Beatles tribute band who does 1964 through 1967 wardrobe changes during the performance. Of course, with a theme like that, one opens up a whole host of options...retro wedding cake toppers, vintage dresses, ...ohhh!

Martha
I beg you please check out this month's issue of Martha. My peanut butter and jelly cupcakes are on pages 45, 46 and 49. Without credit of course, because that's how she operates. And to a fellow Barnard alum at that. How can I be so disappointed in you, Martha, when I completely expected it in the first place? How?

Ernie
We took Ernie to a vet internist ($$$) to have a kidney ultrasound ($$$$)at the behest of our regular vet ($$). Good news is nothing showed up on the ultrasound; bad news is nothing showed up on the ultrasound so he has to go back the our regular vet ($$) for more tests ($$$). I got so frustrated I got an email reading from a psychic animal communicator ($) to ask Ernie what was wrong. He told her his chest hurts, partially because he is highly empathic and part of his 'heart pain' is from bearing the burden of his Mommy's stresses. Waah! He also asked to be tested for diabetes ($), which we might as well do at this point, because, hell, what's another coupla $$?

Taxes
Naah.

Sorry, Can't Stay Long!

2009-01-25T17:45:00.002-05:00

Gotta pack for Amsterdam. Leaving tomorrow. Completely not caught up in cleaning apartment because I spent Friday night puking my guts out due to (a) turkey sausage, b) pork rillette, or c) stomach bug) and Saturday sleeping it off. Still have lots to do, but it's not like they don't have deodorant or socks in The Netherlands. Passport check! Bank card check! birth control check! contacts check!

Ok, I'm good.

P.S. Ernie is still not good. Still very stiff. We get his kidney test results tomorrow or Tuesday, but will take him to a vet internist when we get back either way. Vet said it could be very serious kidney disease. Nooo! Hope for the best!

Terror.

2009-01-15T20:25:00.002-05:00

If the Eagles win the Superbowl, Philly will be raped and pillaged. Block by block. Trinity by trinity. Sidewalk crack by sidewalk crack until all that remains is molten lava spewing from the center of the earth onto the charred remains of Market and Broad. There will be looting, rioting, fires, floods, locusts and moaning one-legged whores. People in flames will be running around wildly, beseeching the mercy of William Penn and Edmund Bacon. Cars will be overturned, the "ee-ee-ee waah-waah-waah-oh-ohhhh-oh-ohhh" of their alarms crying like babies searching desperately for their mothers' swollen, milky teats. Extraordinarily poetic, in a Revelations sort of way.

The idea of a Superbowl win truly scares me. The car is currently packed with a few odds and ends to make it to the edges of the urban sprawl. I plan on making quick haste to the Bucks County house to hide in the shadows of the tennis court until the city calms itself down, when power is restored and the cell towers are re-uprighted. I will keep some nice vacuumed sealed soft cheese in the trunk until when and if such time comes. One must always be prepared for such times.

I Think I Need A Vacation That Is Not Knoxville.

2009-01-11T21:13:00.003-05:00

Ok, so now I realize I told you a few posts back about hiring a pr person. Lately SFG has been saying that I need Aricept because I keep forgetting things. I thought that was ridiculous; I merely wasn't listening to him on purpose!

In any event, I am a flaming ball of anxiety right now. There's no particular reason. Usually stuff really. And I'm sure a major reason is because I've been climbing the walls because SFG has been in Cali for a week and I've been fussing over a very sick little dog and doing not else much but working and watching crap t.v. besides. I had so much nervous energy tonight, that I went to the Canary for a couple of hours and cleaned.

I am nervous, fidgety, biting my nails like nobody's business. Not much appetite, butterflies in the stomach. And all the reasons why that are swirling around my head are so minute and petty that they don't even make sense for such a reaction. I will only indulge myself only so you can see how certifiable I truly am.

Business sucks.
Business sucks.
Business sucks.
My dog is sick.
My cat hates me.
I wish I could be more satisfied in my relationship.
I wish I were pretty.
I wish I weren't an anxious person.
I wish I had some money in the bank.
I wish I had a real job where someone else paid me on a regular basis.
I wish I had peers in my job rather than being the only steward of the whole damn ship.
I think I have Lyme now. or CFS. or Epstein-Barr.
I wish I had something to show for all of this anxiety I've contributed to the Universe! Har!

We will not speak of this again.

Saturday Night No Fever.

2009-01-10T18:48:00.002-05:00

Ernie is feeling much better, I think. He's getting more energy, following me around the place, interested in his toys again. The doxy seems to be working. So much so, in fact, Ernie was so excited about feeling perkier, he peed on the bed when I went to wash my face last night. Yay!

He does get tired quickly.

(p.s. His eyes are always closed because my camera phone has a flash, but he is snoozing for real in this pic. Isn't his wrinkly l'il head obnoxiously cute?)

***
As for no fever, I am spending my Saturday night watching Dragons' Den On Demand (It beats Rock of Love Bus, right? Have I mentioned how freakin' great that show is?...), drinking zin, and chewing on the idea of hiring a pr firm to aid and abet The Canary. My Wharton person spied on my biggest competitor and they hired a pr person and they felt that it was an expensive investment and well worth it, so now I am seriously considering it. It's a lot of money, however, money that could go toward my own wages, so I am quite nervous, but it could be a sweet payoff...hmmm...ah decisions!

Dog on Drugs.

2009-01-09T20:02:00.004-05:00

Mr. Ernesto has been on doxycycline for 24 hours now. Still inconclusive tests results, however the vet (finally) decided to put him on a tick-borne disease treatment plan of heavy antibiotics for one month.

Ahem...that was what I suggested to her two weeks ago, but no, 'it's just a bug'...ahem...I normally love this vet practice, but in this case, I felt that she didn't listen to me. All the signs and symptoms were there for tick disease (ok, maybe not Lyme specifically, but a lot of those tick sicknesses show similar, very vague symptoms), yet she still insisted that false negatives 'almost never happen', when in fact, they are relatively common in both people and dogs, according to numerous sources on the Internets. Ok, I realize I just lost 9/10ths of my credibility by writing 'according to numerous sources on the Internets,' but you've gotta believe me when I say tick disease is happens in this neck of the woods often enough. The point is I know my dog dammit! And he's not acting right!

In any event, I will cease complaining since I got what I wanted. Poor little dude was shivering again this afternoon so I gave him 1/2 Rimadyl for the fever and it seemed to help. He seems to be acting a little perkier, especially since I brought sushi home for him, Molly and me to share. He and I took a car ride to Whole Foods and the sushi joint and he was much more bright-eyed than he'd been in a while. Hopefully my intuition was right and the antibios will restore him to his formally normally puggy self. Poor little guy!

Poor Little Guy!

2009-01-07T18:55:00.003-05:00

Ernie is sick again, or still sick, I guess I should say. But this time it's worse. Poor little dude has a fever and is shivering. I took him to the vet again today and she took blood to check for other tick-borne illnesses. I'm so worried! Hopefully he will be on antibiotics and feel better soon.

Southern Hospitality.

2009-01-06T19:06:00.001-05:00

We are back from a brief stint visiting the 'rents in Knoxville. Tennessee, that is. No, I did not grow up in Knoxville. Here is Knoxville in a nutshell: chain stores and scary dogs. To be fair it does have one saving grace, deep fried pickles.

We did the 'ole Seinfeld in Florida trip: left Philly on Thursday afternoon, arrived Knoxville Friday afternoon, left Sunday morning, arrived Philly Monday afternoon. Short and sweet. Just like I like my boys and my coffee. Ha.

Aside from Ernie nearly getting eaten by a loose bull mastiff named Tank, things were pretty much same old. Did I mention the deep fried pickles? My mother gave SFG a Chinese medicine treatment (acupuncture and cupping). We drank Hendricks and tonics, played with the dogs, ate chicken fried steak (and deep fried pickles, but not at the same time, of course, now that would be overkill).

***
We changed the original name of our cream cheese frosted chocolate cupcake to 'Black Velvet' because I was so goddamnsickandtired of people asking for red velvet cake and then I explain to them we have chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting which is the same thing but it's not red well nothanksbuthanks, so ha, now they're really selling like hotcakes. Suckers.

Lyme Lifesaver.

2008-12-30T19:03:00.002-05:00

Poor little Ernie has been so sick the past few days. It started with what appeared to be a sore foot, but within two weeks he became a completely lethargic little dog hobbling around stiffly, howling because he couldn't get down the stairs. We had to carry him to his food dish he hurt so badly. So sad! Poor little guy! I was convinced it was Lyme disease, not because I am a hypocondriac Munchausen by proxy type or anything, but all the evidence appeared to be there: arthitic joints, swollen glands, lethargy, exposed to ticks in Bucks county two months ago during which time his Frontline had been washed out by a bath....even SFG agreed it seemed a likely diagnosis. However, thank god I was wrong, even though the vet didn't know what exactly was wrong with him. Some sort of nasty bug that needed to run its course. She gave him some powerful anti-inflammatory drug and now he's running around with his squeaky chicken leg and chasing Molly into the closet again. Phew!

Happy New Year y'all if I don't write/speak/email/SMS/MMS/fax before then!

$5.

2008-12-23T18:00:00.005-05:00

She's Losing It.

2008-12-20T20:16:00.003-05:00

Oy oy oy. Not even the quarter box of wine I have consumed can ameliorate the sick feeling I have right now. Yesterday's and today's numbers at The Canary were horrible. HORRIBLE (that was in French.)! What I have been making in a weekend I used to make on Saturday alone. The only comforting fact is knowing that everyone is in the shitter, which really only makes me feel some reassurance that it's not me, it's the whole damn economy that is totally and completely fucked. FUCKED!

Last year we had 15+ orders for buche de noels. This year two. TWO! BARF. Last year we had a wall full of corporate holiday orders. This year a small sprinking. AND IT'S FREAKIN' ME OUT BIG TIME.

And on top of that, Mr. X sent me a totally unexpected text saying he'd heard Fairytale of New York and was thinking of me. What creepily fantastic timing!

In any event, once '09 hits, I plan on hiring a PR person to work some magic for The Canary. The Wharton people did some research on my biggest competitor and that is what worked for them, so why not. I've gotta try something. It's just so damn frustrating because I know I've got a good product, and I've just got to let it be known. My cupcakes are damn good, people. I swear. Don't ask me. Ask The Biggest Food Critic in Philadelphia, who just gave The Canary a shout out (and wrote about us in his 2007 book fyi). And they love us on Yelp!

(I apologize for the fiesty rant. I am just really stressed out. Like seriously frustrated and stressed here. This is the year I'm finally supposed to be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel, but no no no, t'was not meant to be. George W. Bush decided to wage his inner Freudian psychodrama on the world stage and look where we are today.)

And now I swear I am starting to get sick. I just sneezed three times in a row.

It's the Economy, Stupid.

2008-12-18T18:43:00.002-05:00

I wish I could say that I haven't been blogging because I've been so incredibly busy that all I can concentrate on doing when I come home is The Hills and shiraz, but no. Not even close. The Circus is as dead as a freakin' door nail, other than the El Cheapo Produce Joint which seems not to be phased by the shite economic state of this great country, but whatever. Argh!

The one shining moment in Hell was that yesterday an old man came up to the counter to tell me I was 'absolutely gorgeous'. Clearly the quality of his eyesight needs to be called into question, but I'll take it. So I gave him a free cupcake. Pathetic, eh?

I confess I've been spending time watching a lot of the Judge shows when I come home from work at 2 (2!). But I don't drink wine until at least 6. That's four hours to bite my nails and pray that people will stop making box cupcake mix and just buy 'em already. Who has time to bake?!

I heard on the BBC the other night that the itinerant Mexican workers are leaving the U.S. to go back to Mexico because there's no work.

The one saving grace is that we got a very nice cushy order for a Tiffany's themed sorority party in January (blue-green cupcakes with white bow). Will bite nails until then.

EMERGENCY NON-SEQUITUR: IT APPEARS THAT HEIDI IS GOING TO MARRY SPENCER IN A CIVIL CEREMONY IN THE SEASON FINALE. GOD. HELP. US. ALL.

Cheerleaders' Convention in Town.

2008-12-07T17:52:00.003-05:00

There is little more disturbing than a seven year old girl with blue eye shadow and red lipstick sucking on a rock candy lollipop watching you frost cupcakes through the sneezeguard.

Dear Santa.

2008-12-05T17:14:00.003-05:00

Please Father Christmas, all I want this year is Laguna Beach and The Hills on dvd. I promise I'll work really hard to be good. Thank you in advance.

Man vs. Dog.

2008-12-03T18:57:00.001-05:00

The Holiday Season Has Officially Begun.

2008-12-01T20:29:00.003-05:00

This morning on my way to buy holiday trimmings for the shop, I saw the body of a man who had just jumped from the roof of the Loews Hotel on the sidewalk.

Two Seconds to Entertain You.*

2008-11-29T20:17:00.004-05:00

Unfortunately my piddly phone camera can't quite capture that which is EAGLES MADNESS, but here is photo of a superpimped recreational vehicle (hand-painted bright old school Eagles' green though you can't see the detail). Note Anti-Dallas insignia on left. Note SFG explaining the significance of said insignia.**

Just to give you a sense of The MADNESS, at Thursday night's game...when some poor Eagles' guy got injured and had to be carried off the field in an ambulance-cart, more than a few had a few get well wishes for him:

"Come on! I gotta get up for work in the mornin'!"
"Ya clumsy fuckin' retard!"
"See ya!"

I won't even mention the guy sitting next to me who was spitting every two minutes 12 inches from my shoe.

Given everything I've said, the mood surrounding the Eagles is a little strange lately because the head quarterback is getting old and fracking up too much and the Coach is on the hot seat because of it. And Philly is pissed. Livid. Bullshit crazy. Just to give you an idea, when we were taking the subway to the stadium and the computer lady said "Next stop, Pattison Avenue, Lincoln Financial field, home of the Eagles", the entire car screamed "SUCKS!". Classy!

*a fantastic song from Northern Portrait, a Danish band I just discovered on indiepages. If you love the Smiths, you will love this band. I guarantee it.

** some fancy super talented asshole Eagles guy was transferred to The Cowboys. Philly fans decided to hate him and once they discovered his Achilles heel (depression, alleged suicide attempt), they now throw pill bottles filled with nickels on to the field.

Scccrreeeeecccchhh.

2008-11-25T18:00:00.002-05:00

Perhaps I shouldn't have blog-drunken celebrated so soon re Canary Cafe. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, the deal fell through. It's ok, because honestly, there were certain elements of the deal that were not sitting well with me. It just didn't feel right, the more I thought about it. And after talking it through with Mr. and Mrs. Dax, both superfabulous, supersmart shark (in a good way) attorneys, I decided to go with my gut (and their sage advice) on this one.

So tonight I am drunkenly celebrating My Gut, by plying it with McWilliams Shiraz and d'Affinois on Sarcone's bread. I am also celebrating the fact that I made 20 pies (pumpkin and pecan), made 200 cupcakes and frosted four cakes in six hours. I am a machine. I am exhausted. And I still want to marry Joe Pernice.

Tool of Fright.

2008-11-24T17:30:00.002-05:00

Over the course of a couple of nights, we caught Ernie peeing in our bedroom in the middle of the night. He's also developed a nasty habit of peeing on my clothes on the floor (Lesson learned, Mom!), so we got this handy dandy little gadget, the Urine Finder, a blacklight designed to detect invisible urine stains by making them glow in the dark.

OhMyGod. Oh The Horror. The Horror. When we shut off the lights and turned that thing on, it looked like a freakin' rave in there. Pee stains EVERYWHERE. He is damn lucky he is cute. Damn lucky.

(It's my guess that the makers of the product originally had intended for it to be called 'Piss Off'. It's a little catchier, dontchathink?)

So I Went to Spain Or Mildly Insane.

2008-11-21T21:09:00.003-05:00

I am so celebrating tonight.

(Gonna take a lover, gonna take her back to Somerville, don't care if she's pretty, as we leave Suck City.)

Things went really well with lunch meeting with prospective rentor of new Canary space. In fact, she wants to invest in the Canary. I think I may have died and gone to heaven. I will spare you the details of the conversation because I am mildy drunk and don't want to jinx my new found luck. More deets as they become concrete. This is still an embryo. Not even an embryo. A cluster of cells. We will let it rest and grow.

(I wouldn't stay around if the money let me linger on 'til the end of December, waste another year like a minute, trying to forget, but I remember my home.)

Anyhoo, I am celebrating with a bottle of Zin and Live A Little, the most recent Pernice Brothers (sigh) album (2006 waah.), which can I say, if you are a fan of anything remotely indie/folkie/smart lyric heavy, you will looooooove. It's like a warm blanket and a cuppa cocoa, if you ask me. Very Boston, very Barnard/Bryn Mawr, if that's your thing.. Effin' genius, that Joe Pernice. I want to marry him. Ok, maybe I am slightly drunker than I claim. But whatever. I'm going to get my own cafe! And it's going to basically be a 3-D extra large version/vision of my cupcake aesthetic! I think I may have possibly died and gone to heaven. I don't deserve this kind of karma. This is good. Good stuff.

(Gonna take a lover, gonna take her back to Somerville, show her round the neighborhood, re-case the place and settle down.)

So it seems that I will be out of The Circus in February. I am actually meeting with the GM tomorrow morning to discuss lease renewal - total coincidence. He has no idea. I will not show him my hand, but am definitely curious as to what he has to offer when I say I have an offer in another space. The Circus has several open spots right now. My space, in particular, is in a fairly prominent, yet seedy location (think pre-Disneyfication Times Square). It will not look good to have that space empty for too long. Who knows...maybe he will offer me 1/2 price rent...something to consider, but it won't stop Canary Cafe from coming to fruition.

(I'm comin' home.)

Woo hoo!!

This Is Slightly More My Style. But I Still Hate You.

2008-11-21T17:38:00.000-05:00